Thanks for the advice

[Rob1427]

Thank you all. After solid advice I have found the answers I needed.

 

[Magna]

There are too many variables that aren't apparent to give sound advice. For example:

• What exactly does she mean by her "not being capable" of making time for you? Depending on what is meant, that could be something any person might say to another. Meaning, a person's job, school, family obligations, etc could be reasons a person might not be able to devote all that's necessary to commit to a serious relationship. In other words, that kind of reason could be given by anyone, autistic or NT.
• Did she tell you that she's been diagnosed as autistic?
• You mention her "schedule and goals". What are they?
• "Cause her additional stress". She's currently under stress? How so? With what?

You probably already know that "Aspie" is shortened from Asperger Syndrome. Someone diagnosed with Asperger Syndrome might refer to themselves as an "Aspie", but Asperger's Syndrome is no longer referenced as separate and distinct from Autism Spectrum Disorder. As such, all autistic people are not "Aspies". It can get confusing.

 

[Suzette]

The first thing is I woukd take her at her word that she feels she does not have time for you.
She is perfectly capable of reasoning her own desires and abilities for herself. Show her that you truly respect her and back off. Remain friendly but give her space.

I am concerned that she is negatively thinking that there's no way this could work and is throwing away a relationship that I hadn’t even known needed some adaptation for.

The thing is, overwhelmed is overwhelmed period. It may be that there is no "adaptation" you could make. I don't think this is about you at all. It is about her ability to adapt to your needs and desires and she is telling you, right now, at this time in her life, she is at the end of her reserves.

 

[Suzette]

• this seems like sound advice. I have little experience in this, and have wondered if this was the case. What would be a relatively appropriate time frame to give her space for?

Give her two or three weeks then give her a friendly call. Ask her about her life, has she been having time for fun? See how it goes. She will tell you what she needs from you.

 

[Magna]

"she is very business oriented and has large goals in the world of business. She would not elaborate on them other than that she wants to be in a position to influence people but is undertaking large loads in school and is filling her schedule with as much as she possibly can, obsessively on her major.
•she recently came to the conclusion she is under developed for where she feels she should be in her preparedness for her dream career and undertook another major to try and compensate. Very obsessive over her career, and has had a significantly hard time getting an internship."

^ This could apply to anyone that's driven to succeed and achieve high goals for themselves, autistic or not.

To me she's telling you and her actions (school, career goals, etc) are affirming that she doesn't have time for a relationship right now.

 

[Aspychata]

So hey great. You may have found her. But you have the job of convincing her you are the one. Which means sitting on the side and supporting her goals while not losing track of yours.

Call. Say hi. Ask how she is doing. Ask if she has 30 mins to hang out. No pressure. Just work towards friendship. It may grow.

Now get with the task. Time commitment. Show her you are there for the long haul.

 

[Martha Ferris]

Everything she said is her just trying to be kind. To let you down easy. I consider what she said is that she is not interested in a relationship with you. The "there is no way that it could work out" says it all. It is too bad that people can't just say what they mean and not give a bunch of excuses. It leads to misunderstandings. Just because you have feelings for someone doesn't mean that the one you have feelings for has to have feelings for you back. There is no way to make someone change their mind and you really don't want to get into the harrassment arena. You need to let it go regardless of how you feel about her and respect her boundaries. She knows you are interested. Continue to be friendly but keep your distance. If she changes her mind she will let you know.