Telling my love interest about my condition...

[Alexis C]

Hi im an 18 yr old girl who just got diagnosed with ASD few months ago

Interacting with ppl have always been a little tricky for me, especially when it comes to a crush or just someone im seeing

Recently i have met this guy H and we talked and flirted both in real life and online. We definitely are closer to each other than anyone else in our circle.
However i think he notices that im weird and (way too) quirky sometimes...
I wanna tell him about ASD as a friend first and see if he still wanna move on to the next step but im afraid with the lack of information about my situation and other various reasons, he may turn cold and avoid me...
What should i do?

 

[Judge]

Alexis, if I was in that situation I'd probably try to bring up autism in some nebulous way pertinent to some other person. Just to get a feel for how he might look at such things in a non-confrontational way. And subtly emphasize how important it is the understand that being different doesn't mean being deficient.

I wish I had done that with my cousin. I simply confided to her that I suspected I was on the spectrum and her response has been less than positive, which came as a bit of a shock to me. I thought she'd "get it", as my brother did. She didn't.

 

[Nitro]

Alexis, if I was in that situation I'd probably try to bring up autism in some nebulous way pertinent to some other person. Just to get a feel for how he might look at such things in a non-confrontational way. And subtly emphasize how important it is the understand that being different doesn't mean being deficient.

I wish I had done that with my cousin. I simply confided to her that I suspected I was on the spectrum and her response has been less than positive, which came as a bit of a shock to me. I thought she'd "get it", as my brother did. She didn't.

Spot on Judge...nice response

 

[Alexis C]

Alexis, if I was in that situation I'd probably try to bring up autism in some nebulous way pertinent to some other person. Just to get a feel for how he might look at such things in a non-confrontational way. And subtly emphasize how important it is the understand that being different doesn't mean being deficient.

I wish I had done that with my cousin. I simply confided to her that I suspected I was on the spectrum and her response has been less than positive, which came as a bit of a shock to me. I thought she'd "get it", as my brother did. She didn't.

Thats actually a pretty good idea...thx Judge[emoji2]

I will definitely try that out[emoji6]

 

[Ereth]

Hi there, Alexis.

Judge's advice is pretty sound, but I'm going to add to it and say that you should try not to worry too much about being "quirky." Just enjoy spending time with H, and be comfortable with yourself.

 

[Rudy Schmidt]

What Judge and Ereth said. Enjoy spending time together and getting a feel for each other. When the time is right, you'll be able to judge it. If things get very serious, you'll probably have to tell him eventually anyway, but if he already likes you for who you are, I don't see why it would be a problem.

Actually I was in a similar situation myself, once, as the person being told of a physical disability (it was, at the time, an online relationship only). It was too late to change my mind - at that point I already knew I liked her, and it wasn't an issue. In fact, I appreciated her honesty - she'd been terrified of telling me in case it put me off.

 

[Alexis C]

So theres an upate on H
turns out he has a brother who has ASD too and thinks having this condition is not that big of a deal. he was a little shocked when i told him about my diagnosis cuz im way better than his brother. he did ask a lot of questions about my condition and how i coped with it.
but i dont think he would be interested to be in a relationship with me. he knows how hard and tiring it is to interact with an ASD patient...i dont think he will be interested in dating one , especially when he already has one at home

 

[Mattymatt]

So theres an upate on H
turns out he has a brother who has ASD too and thinks having this condition is not that big of a deal. he was a little shocked when i told him about my diagnosis cuz im way better than his brother. he did ask a lot of questions about my condition and how i coped with it.
but i dont think he would be interested to be in a relationship with me. he knows how hard and tiring it is to interact with an ASD patient...i dont think he will be interested in dating one , especially when he already has one at home

Then he isn't worth your time, and at 18, he isn't anywhere near mature enough to handle that kind of news. I give you so much credit for the bravery it took to bring this up. It's really not an easy subject to bring up. Hrrrm .... I'm on eHarmony again but more as a light social experiment. I'm looking at acceptance of me as accepting the fact that I have ASD. I'm going to practice early disclosure. If the match doesn't get closed, blocked, and/or screaming for the hills then maybe there is something .... ;-)

 

[Ereth]

But I don't think he would be interested to be in a relationship with me. he knows how hard and tiring it is to interact with an ASD patient...I don't think he will be interested in dating one, especially when he already has one at home

Did he actually say this, or are you just afraid? If he returns your interest, I see no reason why you can't give dating a try.

 

[Cerulean]

I've mentioned this before but since we have some new people here-

What has worked best for me is to not jump right into a diagnosis or the A word, especially for people who don't know you very well because it can seem kind of overwhelming to them. If they notice quirks, I acknowledge it. Yeah, I clap my hands really fast sometimes, it happens. Or I only wear certain types of clothes because of the fabric. No big deal. Then when they've had a chance to see a few and determine a pattern of oddity, I'll say oh it's from the Aspergers. If they already know what to expect it doesn't seem to shock them as bad, and it explains things they usually found puzzling about me, like how from day 1 I've never looked them in the eye. Then everybody knows, I get to be me, and they are comfortable too.

Of course everybody is different, with different social circles and goals, so by all means do whatever seems best for you, this is just what I personally have been using with great success.

 

[Mattymatt]

Unfortunately, some of it boils down to fear of the unknown. Most people recoil when they hear someone has Aspergers, Autism, or ASD because of fear. The media has done much to contribute to an overall state of fear so people are more apt not to be as accepting. I don't know that I will ever be able to reveal it at the "right" time because my Aspie mind has been unable to determine the appropriateness of disclosure.