Dillon
Well-Known Member
What does it mean to truly accept yourself for who you are? What does it mean to feel happiness?
These are questions I’ve always asked myself for years, always doubting myself even still do now. Growing up (even though I’m still young) I always felt like I never belonged knowing that I am different than everyone else being labeled as something (as some say). I did not have many friends at all for years, I was always bullied and at times beaten because of my quirks I can’t control. I’ve been always told I would get no where in life especially from my father who I’ve not seen in four years saying there are just some things wrong with me and made me feel worthless. I was never able to enjoy that early teenage life since I was afraid to interact with others and was mostly isolated due to people bringing me down constantly. I couldn’t talk to people at times cause I was a huge stutter and would always go to a speech pathologist for vocalization techniques which was embarrassing for me. Not only that I was sick most of the time with a compromised immune system being sick with frequent lung infections so that wasted away a fun experience I could’ve have back then since I was home schooled in some parts of middle school through 9th grade. I say some parts cause I would return to school after feeling better at times and I would get bullied again saying how “retarded” I am and things like that. So yeah my childhood was kind of tainted/bad you would say.
During the rest high school though I manage to tough it out. No I didn’t go to prom, wasn’t in any sports or anything special like that but I started to interact with more people but not as much as I should have been cause of the lack of social cues which I still struggle today. As much as things hurt even though things were getting better I’ve just hated myself just for me being an aspie and the things I could not help at all to the point I just felt like harming myself at times.
Going from community college which was great meeting a lot of amazing people who I still call my good friends to a four year University which kind of tore me up emotionally since I’ve been around some jerks lately despite it being the first school year, but that part will get a lot better though.
I do look at a positive side though. I have a purpose in what I’ve always wanted to do for five years now and that’s to be a marine biologist to be a shark conservationist in which I’m closer to a bachelors degree and then going to work on a masters. No matter how much how much people want to bring me down cause I’m an aspie and such that’s not going to stop me for accomplishing my goals in life.
However I actually do feel more happier when I started college as in starting to make many friends who don’t judge me in any way. Transitioning to that point in my life has made me forget at times that I’m an aspie and I truly don’t think about it.
So my point is no matter how bad things things do get better like they are getting for me now. Even though I still doubt myself, I’m learning or need to anyway in not to caring what other people think of me. think the positives in my life such as how I got to this point in my life and knowing I am who I am and no one can change me. The more I think those things the more happier my life will be.
These are questions I’ve always asked myself for years, always doubting myself even still do now. Growing up (even though I’m still young) I always felt like I never belonged knowing that I am different than everyone else being labeled as something (as some say). I did not have many friends at all for years, I was always bullied and at times beaten because of my quirks I can’t control. I’ve been always told I would get no where in life especially from my father who I’ve not seen in four years saying there are just some things wrong with me and made me feel worthless. I was never able to enjoy that early teenage life since I was afraid to interact with others and was mostly isolated due to people bringing me down constantly. I couldn’t talk to people at times cause I was a huge stutter and would always go to a speech pathologist for vocalization techniques which was embarrassing for me. Not only that I was sick most of the time with a compromised immune system being sick with frequent lung infections so that wasted away a fun experience I could’ve have back then since I was home schooled in some parts of middle school through 9th grade. I say some parts cause I would return to school after feeling better at times and I would get bullied again saying how “retarded” I am and things like that. So yeah my childhood was kind of tainted/bad you would say.
During the rest high school though I manage to tough it out. No I didn’t go to prom, wasn’t in any sports or anything special like that but I started to interact with more people but not as much as I should have been cause of the lack of social cues which I still struggle today. As much as things hurt even though things were getting better I’ve just hated myself just for me being an aspie and the things I could not help at all to the point I just felt like harming myself at times.
Going from community college which was great meeting a lot of amazing people who I still call my good friends to a four year University which kind of tore me up emotionally since I’ve been around some jerks lately despite it being the first school year, but that part will get a lot better though.
I do look at a positive side though. I have a purpose in what I’ve always wanted to do for five years now and that’s to be a marine biologist to be a shark conservationist in which I’m closer to a bachelors degree and then going to work on a masters. No matter how much how much people want to bring me down cause I’m an aspie and such that’s not going to stop me for accomplishing my goals in life.
However I actually do feel more happier when I started college as in starting to make many friends who don’t judge me in any way. Transitioning to that point in my life has made me forget at times that I’m an aspie and I truly don’t think about it.
So my point is no matter how bad things things do get better like they are getting for me now. Even though I still doubt myself, I’m learning or need to anyway in not to caring what other people think of me. think the positives in my life such as how I got to this point in my life and knowing I am who I am and no one can change me. The more I think those things the more happier my life will be.
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