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Socializing

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by JojobaOil, Nov 11, 2019.

  1. JojobaOil

    JojobaOil New Member

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    Socializing. All my life can be summed up like this:
    Group: *talking*
    Me: *tries to say something*
    Group: *stares* or *ignores me*

    It’s like they have all these rules on how to act that no one ever thought to tell me. I hate being forced into groups I hate doing “group work” I’m fine on my own sorry if the rest of you can’t accomplish anything without three others in your ears. I’m not looking forward to college dorms at all I can’t live with people. I’m always pretending for them. The only time I have to be myself is in my room. Not looking forward to College.

    The question I’m asking everyone (but especially women) how you cope with all the pressure to make friends and join groups. What do you do when you’re *forced* to socialize.
     
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  2. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    When I'm forced to socialize, I only respond to people talking directly to me, I don't really try to add in things of my own.
     
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  3. leehart

    leehart Well-Known Member

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    It can be quite difficult. I generally stay quiet and listen to what is being said. I can struggle to know those moments of when to speak as I don't like speaking over others. If an opportunity comes and I have something to say I'll say it, often stay quiet and wait till group fragments a bit and can chat one to one etc.
     
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  4. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    If you're not looking forward to college, why go?
     
  5. JojobaOil

    JojobaOil New Member

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    I suppose it’s because it’s been my goal since elementary school. Other than that I want a job and money so that I can support myself. With money I can stay home all I like as long as the bills are payed. I truly love learning too it’s just the environment that sets me off.
    Compared to most people I feel almost indifferent.
     
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  6. Illkurok

    Illkurok King of Isolation

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    If I'm forced to socialize, I pick a corner of the room and stay there until someone notices I'm there and then I'll say something, but even then, it's only because the person came up to me and I don't want to seem rude.

    I never go out of my way anymore to try talking to people, I've gotten rejected too many times or just told to go away that I just don't even try anymore, even when I'm dragged along somewhere.
     
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  7. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Honestly, it's up to you how you go about this sort of thing.

    Here's the thing: Do you WANT to socialize? Do you WANT to be part of a group?

    If you dont.... then dont!

    Well, it's true that sometimes you cant avoid group work in a class situation. But dont worry about "pretending". It doesnt matter what they think of you in that situation: It merely matters that the job gets done. If they dont like it? Well, too bad... they can go whine at the teacher/professor/whatever. See where that gets them.

    OUTSIDE of forced class situations? You dont have to do a bloody thing... and dont let anyone else tell you otherwise. If it doesnt affect your grade... you dont have to do it.

    I dunno about everyone else here, but I simply dont bother pretending. This absolutely included my college years. Waste of bloody time for me to bother with trying to "fit in". I am what I am... simple as that. Be nice if more people understood that concept.

    If you want to be yourself... just do so. People who have a big problem with that arent going to be anyone who would be a good friend anyway, so there's little point in worrying about what they think.
     
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  8. JojobaOil

    JojobaOil New Member

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    What a coincidence... right after I posted this I got an email for an admissions interview. A little scared now. I hope they like me :disrelieved:
     
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  9. Kalinychta

    Kalinychta Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    The great thing about college is that you’re not required to stay at school for eight+ hours. No lunch periods. No recess. No gym. No assemblies. You just go to class and then go wherever you want. You won’t feel as much pressure to socialize or join groups now. You can do as you please.

    Are you allowed to live off campus? You could find a roommate if you’d prefer to avoid living in the dorms.

    I think everyone here knows that feeling, though. The pressure to fit in and not stand out as the weird, quiet girl who keeps to herself. I still catch myself feeling that way sometimes. Whenever I do something awkward in public or worry that I’m “too quiet” and start fretting about what everyone’s thinking, I remind myself: I’m not going to die. That may sound silly, but it puts the situation into perspective. I will survive the embarrassment. I also remember that people think about us far less than we believe. They’re too busy with themselves and their own lives. They don’t care what we do. But we psych ourselves out thinking otherwise.
     
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  10. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    Yep, that pretty much sums socialising up for me too. If there's a group, I just sit, unable to join it, my mind begins to wander and I get bored and want to go home. I get ignored, or someone talks over the top of me, I never get to even finish my sentence. I don't have a voice. At least at home I have things to do and don't get bored.
     
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  11. Bolletje

    Bolletje Overly complicated potato V.I.P Member

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    I usually make friends in one-on-one situations. I can handle groups with my friends in it because I generally know the social rules.
    Otherwise, I still struggle. I’m a functioning adult with a good job and okay social skills, but I still prefer to have lunch in my office because I feel uncomfortable spending lunch time with a group of coworkers.
     
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  12. Trophonius

    Trophonius Well-Known Member

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    I've been there. But my experience goes more like this:

    Me: hello
    Group: Hey, 'sup?
    Me: how's everyone?
    Group: Sorry, what?
    Me: *unholy mumbling*

    Silences follows. I retreat in shame to the hole from where I came from.

    It is fortunate that as adults we're not forced to socialize unless in very specific places. In my case, I'm attending therapy to fix my socialization problems.
     
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  13. tducey

    tducey Well-Known Member

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    I like being with other people but find it tough to converse with others.
     
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  14. AuBurney Tuckerson

    AuBurney Tuckerson ~GigglesTheAutisticHyena~

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    That's me. It's why i avoid people and groups. Plus, when I give an animal-related idea, everyone disagrees cause it's like I'm in a world where everyone hates animals while i love them.

    But you don't have to stay in a dorm. You can drive up to classes from home just for your classes like I do or take college classes online without having to leave the comfort of your own home.
     
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