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Sexual harassment, spacing out, addiction, and internet

Pika123

Pika123

New Member
( events aren't in chronological order )

I was touched by one of my cousins when I was little. I don't feel aware as I'm typing but I've had three traumatic sex experiences. One of my cousins touched me and told me not to tell anyone ( I'm a guy ). The next time my ex dad was naked while I walked into the room. He made a porn joke and that really upset me Third episode was a tall blonde girl who touched my butt while I was in middle school. This manifested into porn addiction while I was a kid. Just now I told my mom I touched myself. I know these forbidden sensations manifested into aloofness mixed with anxiety stress and temper tantrums. I want to stop it but zoning out doesn't help. I'm suffering. I had only felt guilt and paranoia ever since I've looked at bad images. Now I feel nothing. I don't even know how I'm typing. Anyone else can relate?
 
Hi and Welcome to the Forums @Pika123

Its not easy to process stuff like this, so well done for putting out there what you have said.
 
Pika123 said:
( events aren't in chronological order )

I was touched by one of my cousins when I was little. I don't feel aware as I'm typing but I've had three traumatic sex experiences. One of my cousins touched me and told me not to tell anyone ( I'm a guy ). The next time my ex dad was naked while I walked into the room. He made a porn joke and that really upset me Third episode was a tall blonde girl who touched my butt while I was in middle school. This manifested into porn addiction while I was a kid. Just now I told my mom I touched myself. I know these forbidden sensations manifested into aloofness mixed with anxiety stress and temper tantrums. I want to stop it but zoning out doesn't help. I'm suffering. I had only felt guilt and paranoia ever since I've looked at bad images. Now I feel nothing. I don't even know how I'm typing. Anyone else can relate?
Click to expand...
Hello,
A very foremost welcome to the forum, I'm so sorry to hear about this.

Just to let you know none of this was you're fault, you are innocent and you deserve to be supported, can I ask if you've ever reported this or spoken to someone about what's happened to you? Talking helps, but if you're afraid of coming out to anyone about this then their is help online, if you'd like I can get some resources up that can help you talk to a helpline officer who is specifically trained to support victims of sexual assault and harassment, I hope you're okay ( silly question ik) unfortunately, many people go through this and it's really unfair, I've been through this and I'm really sorry you have.
 
Roxiee said:
Hello,
A very foremost welcome to the forum, I'm so sorry to hear about this.

Just to let you know none of this was you're fault, you are innocent and you deserve to be supported, can I ask if you've ever reported this or spoken to someone about what's happened to you? Talking helps, but if you're afraid of coming out to anyone about this then their is help online, if you'd like I can get some resources up that can help you talk to a helpline officer who is specifically trained to support victims of sexual assault and harassment, I hope you're okay ( silly question ik)
Click to expand...

My dad is now on his own so it's too late. My cousin is now grown so nothing can change. Two of these people were minors at the time
 
Pika123 said:
My dad is now on his own so it's too late. My cousin is now grown so nothing can change. Two of these people were minors at the time
Click to expand...
You can still report them, no matter if they're minors at the time and now adults, this shouldn't of happened to you and you deserve to not have to carry this
 
Roxiee said:
You can still report them, no matter if they're minors at the time and now adults, this shouldn't of happened to you and you deserve to not have to carry this
Click to expand...
Unfortunately I never got a full on rape so there's not much I can do. I don't know my dad's number and my cousin has a very powerful family. I will tell mom everything because I need to save myself.
 
Pika123 said:
Unfortunately I never got a full on rape so there's not much I can do. I don't know my dad's number and my cousin has a very powerful family. I will tell mom everything because I need to save myself.
Click to expand...
Sexual harassment and assault is serious as rape, you didn't deserve any of that!
 
Welcome. As others have indicated, kudos for having the courage to speak of your experiences, and I hope if and when you're comfortable and wish to do so, reach out to support organizations and groups.
 
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