School Experiences for Aspies and Autistic

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I wish I was home schooled, public school was traumatizing.

It traumatized me. I avoided everyone, got picked on a lot, could not speak there, and could not concentrate there. The teachers bored me, and the students annoyed me. The only thing I liked was the pizza there, once a week, when it was not stolen from my tray. The teachers never tried to intervene to help.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

I will be a senior in college next year. Started school in 2001. I moved back and forth from Missouri to Kansas throughout my school years.

Early elementary school was pretty good. Like most aspies, I was hyperlexic and learned to read when I was two years old, so I was waaaay ahead of everyone else in preschool and kindergarten. In kindergarten, the teacher let me sit in the corner and read books while the other students did their work. It was great. The kids were nice to me, and I had a couple friends.

Before third grade, I moved to Kansas and transferred from a private to a public school. My third-grade teacher was not a nice woman; it was her last year teaching before retirement, and she was fed up with everything. If I wasn't looking at her while she was teaching, she would grab my head and twist it toward her. Fourth and fifth grade were much better.

Sixth grade was when things started going downhill. I became ostracized and bullied by people, including the kid who used to be my friend. He eventually turned into my enemy. I had a high respect for the rules, and this led to people making fun of me even more.

Then I went to junior high, which was awful. My seventh-grade English teacher was the worst teacher I've ever had; she would criticize everything I did and made me cry three times. She showed no remorse and made fun of me for crying. I got my Asperger's diagnosis in the middle of that year, and things got a little better after that because I had some accommodations.

I moved back to Missouri to go to a private high school where my dad teaches, and those were the best years of my life. I had a group of friends and I felt included. Two of them are very close to the spectrum if not on it, and I still talk to them. There was no bullying to speak of. I often ruminate on my high school years and wish I could go back.

After I graduated, I went to a community college in Kansas. This was terrible, but not because of bullying. I was very lonely and couldn't find any friends, and I was also obsessing over not being able to find a girlfriend.

Now I'm at a university in Missouri, and it's better than the other college. I have one friend, but I only got him because my mom told the access services counselor that I was looking a friend, preferably another Aspie, which he is. I live in a dorm room by myself, which is pretty nice. but I'm not having the best years of my life that people seem to glamorize college as. I'd still like a girlfriend, and seeing couples together makes me envious, but I've gotten over the obsession a bit.

College has been very hard for me academically. I have NVLD, so anything I learn falls out of my head, and I don't do well on tests that require a free recall format. I envy those here who had an easy time with school.

I don't know what homeschooling is like, but I would guess that it's better than regular school for people on the spectrum.

It sounds like you had a roller coaster of experiences with school. Alternating between good and bad mostly as you aged. I am glad you were able to have some good experiences with your schooling, but I relate to your bad experiences the most. I likely do not have Aspergers, but had severe Social Anxiety and relating phobias throughout school. My experiences in public school were mostly awful up to age eighteen.

In community college I slowly started to heal by the second year as I was living on my own away from parents, after the first year of daily throwing up episodes between classes from intense anxiety. It was very lonely too, but I started focusing on self-help things. Then I transferred to a university after graduating and I was gaining more confidence and strength. I eventually graduated from there, too, after focusing on taking mostly math and statistics courses that involved less talking and group activities.

School never came easy for me, but I managed to finish with great grades by going mostly part time to three quarters time. I just focused on going at my own pace, and focusing on doing about three courses at a time. I could not concentrate on my studies any more than that. I learned a lot about people all my schools years, and that is what I will remember the most. Plus, I learned I could survive awful environmental conditions, and a severe condition, and that gave me hope.

 

[Warmheart]

School was traumatizing. I had "the autistic K-12 shutdown," so remember little of it.
Restraint and seclusion, punishments for meltdowns.
Special ed in the basement of the school, special ed gym, and some mainstream. (I want to type "mainstream." )
Six hours per day, five days per week being around people is not something sustainable for most Autistics, regardless of if we have supports and accommodations in place.
Too much time around people with zero chance for true solitude to decompress lead to years if brainfog shutdown, meltdowns, and elopement.

 

[Jet Weiss]

Bear with me, this is a difficult and sensitive topic for me to discuss, but I will give it a go.
School and all the things that came with it were the reason for my suicide attempts growing up.
I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for months when I was 14 and upon release was ordered to attend a "therapeutic boarding school." At the present moment I will not discuss anything that happened to me there.
In some states, such as Oregon, these schools are outlawed and considered a form of child abuse.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

School was traumatizing. I had "the autistic K-12 shutdown," so remember little of it.
Restraint and seclusion, punishments for meltdowns.
Special ed in the basement of the school, special ed gym, and some mainstream. (I want to type "mainstream." )
Six hours per day, five days per week being around people is not something sustainable for most Autistics, regardless of if we have supports and accommodations in place.
Too much time around people with zero chance for true solitude to decompress lead to years if brainfog shutdown, meltdowns, and elopement.

View attachment 35407

Yes, I agree. Aaron could not last even for 3 days in full day preschool, as their expectations, needs and as others' abilities differed from his. Although I suppose things could have gotten better with time, we were not about to take that chance, as things could have gotten much worse, too. He seemed so drained after that experience, and as my wife said his actions at school showed it was not a good fit as he was being riled up by their specific rigid and boring ways that did not seem to care about his educational desires and sensory issues, too.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Bear with me, this is a difficult and sensitive topic for me to discuss, but I will give it a go.
School and all the things that came with it were the reason for my suicide attempts growing up.
I ended up in a psychiatric hospital for months when I was 14 and upon release was ordered to attend a "therapeutic boarding school." At the present moment I will not discuss anything that happened to me there.
In some states, such as Oregon, these schools are outlawed and considered a form of child abuse.

And that is the biggest reason why we cannot consider schooling our children. They seem very happy being educated
at home, at their pace, order, and in their needed different learning ways. We understand them and their needs to be away from triggering persons and environments, and want them to also naturally get out and learn and socialize in other environments where we can monitor things and help them
grow. We have trust issues with school systems, as both my wife and I had horrible experiences that affected us severely.

 

[Warmheart]

@Dadwith2Autisticsons if you or your wife are on Facebook, you might enjoy checking out these pages

Respectfully Connected

And

Parenting Autistic Children with Love and Acceptance.

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Thank you for that information! We do not have Facebook, but we can look that up on another local friends account if it does not allow us to view that information because we are yet to be members.

 

[A_Screaming_Turtle]

As my wife and I have 2 Autistic sons, one verbal and higher functioning, and one nonverbal with hyperactive issues, we were wondering what your schooling experiences were like, and whether they were mostly neutral, good or bad, to determine any future decisions for our children, though we are homeschooling them now.

You might want to answer one or more of the following questions, or explain things in your way. Did you have any or many friends in your earlier school days, and up through your high school years? If so, were they the geeky type friends, or shyer type? Or other? Or did you feel alone? Were you integrated with NT's, or seperated? Did you yourself ever have a preference?

How did the teachers and most other students treat you? Different? Or just as part of the class? Were you given any accommodations? Did you feel like the instruction was above your abilities and expectations, or lower than? Did you get bored easily, or have much anxiety? Did you have any unusual quirk or interest in school? A certain aspect of school you hated most?

Did you like the teaching style, or did you prefer being taught in a different manner? What recommendations would you have made to make your school experiences better? What were the good things about your school experience? Feel free to answer what you want, no matter how brief or long, as we are interested in learning more about Aspie and Autistic educational experiences. Thanks.

Interesting topic. (I was in special ed from K-8 grade and in public classes from 9-12)
In a nutshell, my public school experience was hell. Elementary, middle school and definitely high school was bullying. For people with autism, we're practically a magnet for oppressors. The bullies get away with it and sometimes the teachers turn a blind eye to it. If you do send your child to school: I suggest training them w/mma or boxing for self defense because I guarantee that they'll be picked on. (Oh and please encourage self defense as my folks never did that and disciplined me harshly if I did fight back) Try to raise your child's self esteem if you notice it waning with martial arts (karate doesn't count) weight lifting (for teenagers) or with sports. Ask them weekly if they have problems, because sometimes bullies will try to silence them with intimidation. Yes, that happened to me a lot. And whatever you do, never side with your child's enemies because I guarantee you that if your child excels in school, he'll get haters and they'll try to pick on him. To this day, I still struggle with forgiving my parents for putting me in schools with trouble makers.
Accommodations: They just gave me more time to finish school work in special ed.
I was a loner, a nerd and shy. I didn't see it at the time but bullies pick up on this and attack like predators. (There's actually studies of autistic children being bullied more than normal kids.)
My favorite subjects are history and science. I loath math. I really do. I can do it, but it's not my best subject.
I only had some friends throughout the years, but lost trust after some took advantage of my disabilities. (Be weary of your children's friends, some can be manipulative snakes.)

Also, some teachers are bad. Sometimes they'll be the bullies and misuse their position of authority. (This happens a lot more than you know.)So if your child complains to you about mean teachers. Listen to them!

 

[Dadwith2Autisticsons]

Interesting topic. (I was in special ed from K-8 grade and in public classes from 9-12)
In a nutshell, my public school experience was hell. Elementary, middle school and definitely high school was bullying. For people with autism, we're practically a magnet for oppressors. The bullies get away with it and sometimes the teachers turn a blind eye to it. If you do send your child to school: I suggest training them w/mma or boxing for self defense because I guarantee that they'll be picked on. (Oh and please encourage self defense as my folks never did that and disciplined me harshly if I did fight back) Try to raise your child's self esteem if you notice it waning with martial arts (karate doesn't count) weight lifting (for teenagers) or with sports. Ask them weekly if they have problems, because sometimes bullies will try to silence them with intimidation. Yes, that happened to me a lot. And whatever you do, never side with your child's enemies because I guarantee you that if your child excels in school, he'll get haters and they'll try to pick on him. To this day, I still struggle with forgiving my parents for putting me in schools with trouble makers.
Accommodations: They just gave me more time to finish school work in special ed.
I was a loner, a nerd and shy. I didn't see it at the time but bullies pick up on this and attack like predators. (There's actually studies of autistic children being bullied more than normal kids.)
My favorite subjects are history and science. I loath math. I really do. I can do it, but it's not my best subject.
I only had some friends throughout the years, but lost trust after some took advantage of my disabilities. (Be weary of your children's friends, some can be manipulative snakes.)

Also, some teachers are bad. Sometimes they'll be the bullies and misuse their position of authority. (This happens a lot more than you know.)So if your child complains to you about mean teachers. Listen to them!

Thanks for your reply. I am sorry about all of your awful school experiences. I was a loner, very shy and nerdy in school too. I understand all of the school harms. I did not grow there, but regressed. In our case, our children will not have to worry, as we will still homeschool them until they reach age eighteen, as we do not trust school systems. We have done, and will do a far better job than any teacher could, and with more understanding, love, and with less pressures and problems.

We understand our children's needs, limitations, abilities, preferences, and talents, and we have consistent and constructive parenting principles. Some others could think our children are being sheltered, and that is furthest from the truth. They daily and naturally in the real world have many interactions with others with us not far away. They see the good and bad in persons, too, but for any evil and wrong committed against them, we will make sure the offender takes accountability for that. We though will instruct our children to be strong in as many ways as possible, in terms of building self-esteem, fitness, and things like that.

We are parenting in ways that will make our children more leaders than followers. We teach in creative ways, and allow them to be themselves and to reach their fullest potentials, but without expectations they define happiness and success like all those others. Each of our children are unique, and with different learning preferences. They each are happy children and without fear issues, other than sensory sensitivities that are genetic in nature. So, we are doing something right with our Autistic children, as they have very few meltdowns. If anything they are too content and happy.

 

[fairy_girl]

I went to public school and was taught very quickly that to tone down my stemming and hyperness, I didn't get bullied that much. I stayed in normal classes but I went to an Applied Math class with NTs in high school. I did have a few friends but they all ended up leaving one by one, it was all natural. I loved lunch till I kept getting moved to different classes because I wasn't sent to the "other classroom". I did try checking it out in passing and it was just depressing and they were always shut up in the classroom, it was very isolating or so it seemed so.