Romantic Relationships and Special Interests

[ghostiepost]

I want to preface this with saying my partner is borderline, and these incidents occur purely when they're splitting, but they still feel this way actively.

I'm in a relationship, and my partner is really sweet but has trouble regarding my special interest. They hate it very openly and regularly will lose their cool and start trashing the media and telling me how much they hate it and how bad they think it is. They say they think the people who like it are stupid and that only pre-teens would like it. but when I said I'm obviously one of those people, they say I'm not included. But I still feel insulted. It feels like I can't like it and they're clearly upset I like my special interest and not a different, 'better' media. They know I cant control what I like and we've spoken about this issue a few times but I just feel lonely, unable to talk to anyone about this and how it feels to have someone I care so much about hate something Im obsessed with. I try to not indulge in it around them and engage with it less but it feels physically painful and as if the energy is being torn out of me to engage in anything but my interest. I just wonder if anyone else has had this sort of problem before. I love my partner more than anything but I cant openly like my interest as much as id like to when they hate it so much. I know I might be too focused on my interest and it can be annoying but it feels like im dying when they outright start trashing it. I'm not looking for a solution, I just want to know if Im alone on this experience and feeling.

 

[Outdated]

Not a situation I've ever been in but I've seen it all too often and struggle to understand why some people find that situation acceptable.

....my partner is really sweet but has trouble regarding my special interest. They hate it very openly and regularly will lose their cool and start trashing the media and telling me how much they hate it and how bad they think it is. They say they think the people who like it are stupid and that only pre-teens would like it.

Stop and think for a few minutes what the word "partner" actually means, look it up in a concise dictionary if you have to, then read that sentence back to yourself again.

 

[Masked Man]

Let me guess - you're a female type person and you like Taylor Swift (or something like that). And your boyfriend hates Taylor Swift.

If that's not it, it still doesn't really matter. As long as what you like isn't actually hurting him, it's none of his business. Additionally, it's weird that he gets angry over something you enjoy. Like - why? Why is what you enjoy in your own spare time so important that he needs to get angry over it?

Really ask yourself what it is you love about him. Doing things you enjoy is part of protecting your own peace and enjoying your life. A good partner does not trash your enjoyment or destroy your peace.

 

[Richelle-H]

Not sure what I am about to impart is going to be of any help to you, but your post touched me enough to share what I can.

I am a person with wide ranging interests. I have been in a relationship for more than 41 years. While my partner and I mutually enjoy certain activities, we rarely completely share the same experiences or level of enjoyment in sharing: that is just being human. There are things I like that are unique to me, and things they enjoy that are theirs alone. The point is we accept our differences and do not denigrate or belittle each other over them. No one in a long term relationship needs to, or should, share everything.

I always looked at it from the standpoint that if it brings you joy and causes no one lasting harm, then it is not right for someone to issue a negative random opinion just because they don't get it, find it beneath them, or harbor some other personal bias. That is closed mindedness which is anaethema to prsonal growth.

Your partner may not share specific interests, but they should not deny you your right to experience them. If they cannot share in it for whatever reason, then they should just keep their mouth shut about it. I was always able to find some way of indulging or sharing my interests with others when my partner was of a different mind.

You are a unique individual as is everyone who lives and breathes. Never diminish yourself just to make another happy as that never reaches a satisfactory outcome.