I just had a conversation with my dad. After I hung up I was fuming. "My dad doesn't listen to me ever" I kept thinking. I set boundaries with him all the time and it's like he doesn't even hear me. I always thought he just was ignoring me. Talking with him isn't a conversation but a lecture of what he wants to tell you.
Let me say, I really get it that he loves me but I have always felt there was something wrong with him. And that I would internalize that and try to see my father as the hero I wanted him so badly to be. Now Im 43 years old and he is 71 and today it all clicked.
What a relief, really! My anger has completely dissipated. He is unable to navigate relationships especially intimate ones. More examples:
extremely uncomfortable around anyone (especially me and my sister and her kids) If he had to talk on the phone I would watch him become unglued. It was like torture to him.
I'm a comedian and he will write jokes for me. So many times I say "thank you dad but I can't use any of that. Comedy is personal. I have to use stuff that I write or can relate to." (He would always have really crazy characters with crazy names that didn't make sense. And he used to work for the CIA!) And he would then say "uh huh, and I wrote this other thing.."
Doesn't make eye contact hardly at all
When anyone greets him he goes into a routine that he thinks is funny (to be fair, it is a little funny) i.e. he dances around until you laugh and then walks away. Conversation over I guess.
So easily confused. Like remote controls. Yeah, employed with the CIA and can't figure out a remote.
Easily upset that would last for a long time.
I would so love some resources on how to deal with a childhood issues from having an autistic dad. Thank you.
Let me say, I really get it that he loves me but I have always felt there was something wrong with him. And that I would internalize that and try to see my father as the hero I wanted him so badly to be. Now Im 43 years old and he is 71 and today it all clicked.
What a relief, really! My anger has completely dissipated. He is unable to navigate relationships especially intimate ones. More examples:
extremely uncomfortable around anyone (especially me and my sister and her kids) If he had to talk on the phone I would watch him become unglued. It was like torture to him.
I'm a comedian and he will write jokes for me. So many times I say "thank you dad but I can't use any of that. Comedy is personal. I have to use stuff that I write or can relate to." (He would always have really crazy characters with crazy names that didn't make sense. And he used to work for the CIA!) And he would then say "uh huh, and I wrote this other thing.."
Doesn't make eye contact hardly at all
When anyone greets him he goes into a routine that he thinks is funny (to be fair, it is a little funny) i.e. he dances around until you laugh and then walks away. Conversation over I guess.
So easily confused. Like remote controls. Yeah, employed with the CIA and can't figure out a remote.
Easily upset that would last for a long time.
I would so love some resources on how to deal with a childhood issues from having an autistic dad. Thank you.
