Hey everyone!
My boyfriend has yet to be diagnosed with Asperger's, but over the last few months I have been trying to coax him into seeking some sort of mental help/ someone to officially diagnose him so he can get the help he needs.
I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three years now. I knew going into the relationship he had been to therapy during his preteen/ early teen years (he is in his early twenties now) and had been diagnosed with a myriad of anxiety disorders as well as depression. However, I feel that there is something more than social anxiety and depression making his life so tricky.
Growing up he had very few friends and sort of isolated himself from the world. He spent most of his time playing video games, playing guitar and researching things that other people his age would not have even begun to understand. His grades, despite his obvious academic inclinations, were never very good and for that reason he never went to college. He was only ever motivated to learn the things HE wanted to and never really understood why he would want to try in subjects that didn't fascinate him.
We have always been two different people socially. Whereas I appreciate spending time with friends, he has very few (if any) friends and doesn't even seem to enjoy hanging out with other people. I am introverted, so I understand the need for space, but recently his social issues have taken over my social life as well. My friends no longer want to hang out with us together. My boyfriend has issues making any sort of conversation, he says/ does things around my friends which are inappropriate, but that he doesn't realize are inappropriate (for example, when he is bored with a conversation he will very openly sigh, or will get really cranky if he loses a a game, or he will only join in conversations if they are about very specific topics like computers, music, science)...etc.I'm in college, so I am frequently involved in social activities (concerts, hanging out with friends, going to dinners...etc) which I would like to include my boyfriend in, but he doesn't even have the very basics of socializing down (asking questions to new people, smiling to show you are having a good time, making eye contact...etc). The last few times I have had friends over he has had "meltdowns;" I use the term "meltdown" to describe when he just sort of hits a breaking point and starts being particularly rude, or even getting up and leaving when guests are around. We have gotten into some heated discussions lately because he has tried extremely hard to listen to what I am saying concerning his social issues, but he has made it clear to me that it isn't that he doesn't want to change, but that he can't. He wants friends. He wants to be okay with my friends. But it is to the point where it has become evident that even after talking about his behavior with him that these "meltdowns" and lack of attention to social cues are not going away. I am starting to feel as if my life is becoming dictated by his eccentricities.
I guess what I am wondering is whether we should be looking into getting him diagnosed. Also, I was wondering if anyone has any advice for coping with a significant other with Asperger's in social situations/ ways to help them feel more comfortable and avoid "meltdowns."
Thank you!
I apologize for that crazy long rant!
My boyfriend has yet to be diagnosed with Asperger's, but over the last few months I have been trying to coax him into seeking some sort of mental help/ someone to officially diagnose him so he can get the help he needs.
I've been with my boyfriend for a little over three years now. I knew going into the relationship he had been to therapy during his preteen/ early teen years (he is in his early twenties now) and had been diagnosed with a myriad of anxiety disorders as well as depression. However, I feel that there is something more than social anxiety and depression making his life so tricky.
Growing up he had very few friends and sort of isolated himself from the world. He spent most of his time playing video games, playing guitar and researching things that other people his age would not have even begun to understand. His grades, despite his obvious academic inclinations, were never very good and for that reason he never went to college. He was only ever motivated to learn the things HE wanted to and never really understood why he would want to try in subjects that didn't fascinate him.
We have always been two different people socially. Whereas I appreciate spending time with friends, he has very few (if any) friends and doesn't even seem to enjoy hanging out with other people. I am introverted, so I understand the need for space, but recently his social issues have taken over my social life as well. My friends no longer want to hang out with us together. My boyfriend has issues making any sort of conversation, he says/ does things around my friends which are inappropriate, but that he doesn't realize are inappropriate (for example, when he is bored with a conversation he will very openly sigh, or will get really cranky if he loses a a game, or he will only join in conversations if they are about very specific topics like computers, music, science)...etc.I'm in college, so I am frequently involved in social activities (concerts, hanging out with friends, going to dinners...etc) which I would like to include my boyfriend in, but he doesn't even have the very basics of socializing down (asking questions to new people, smiling to show you are having a good time, making eye contact...etc). The last few times I have had friends over he has had "meltdowns;" I use the term "meltdown" to describe when he just sort of hits a breaking point and starts being particularly rude, or even getting up and leaving when guests are around. We have gotten into some heated discussions lately because he has tried extremely hard to listen to what I am saying concerning his social issues, but he has made it clear to me that it isn't that he doesn't want to change, but that he can't. He wants friends. He wants to be okay with my friends. But it is to the point where it has become evident that even after talking about his behavior with him that these "meltdowns" and lack of attention to social cues are not going away. I am starting to feel as if my life is becoming dictated by his eccentricities.
I guess what I am wondering is whether we should be looking into getting him diagnosed. Also, I was wondering if anyone has any advice for coping with a significant other with Asperger's in social situations/ ways to help them feel more comfortable and avoid "meltdowns."
Thank you!
I apologize for that crazy long rant!
