Question for Aspie Guys...

[StabatMater]

I have a question I hope I can get male insight on. Ladies, feel free to respond as well.

I'm Aspie and I have a guy friend who has Aspie tendencies, but isn't actually AS. We are very close and he is very precious to me, in fact that most precious person to me in the whole world. He understands my Aspieness and everything else about me. We are friends, not romantically involved, but I think he may like me and I certainly like him. Anyway, he has been calling me by affectionate names like "dear", which he started doing on his own, for probably a month now (we've been friends for a long time). I don't know what that means. But I want to call him something that expresses my love and respect for him and I'm not sure what. I pathologically despise many "pet names" (Over my dead body, you'll call me "Babe" or something like that), but his are very sweet and respectful. I've been calling him "dear" and "my friend", but I don't want him to think I'm parroting back what he is saying to me with the first. Even though I feel it completely. As for calling him friend, I am a little worried that he will think I am emphasizing to him that I love him only as a friend, with no possibility for anything more.

Would you think that is the case? For me, to actually call someone friend means that they are intimately known, respected, and loved by me (and by intimate, I mean close, nothing to do with anything else...) and that is an extremely small circle of people for me.

And any ideas? I hope this makes some sense, LOL.

 

[2aspirin]

Well I am not a guy but have many male friends who have close platonic relations (or more intimate partner relations) with other men. So, this will be based on observations and instincts. First, are you thinking you want more than a platonic relationship? Is this what you are both testing out or moving toward? My hunch is that it would be safe to use "boyfriend" as a term of endearment if you are staying open to that. In other words, you can choose more obviously relationship-y words for terms of endearment. "Babe" is over-the-top but some like "boo." OR are you wanting to keep the boundary at friends while not causing him discomfort at an obvious drawing of the line? That part (what you, yourself, want) was not completely clear.

 

[Peace]

Friend is the single best thing anyone could ask for. Without a strong friendship, no relationship will be complete, nor last. It is not an end all, and it will not stop most men from pursuing more if they desire. Also you must consider that it s not always what you say, but how you say it.
I hope things work out as you would hope, but if not, accept that they always work out the way they are supposed to. Best of luck.

 

[2aspirin]

Well I am not a guy but have many male friends who have close platonic relations (or more intimate partner relations) with other men. So, this will be based on observations and instincts. First, are you thinking you want more than a platonic relationship? Is this what you are both testing out or moving toward? My hunch is that it would be safe to use "boyfriend" as a term of endearment if you are staying open to that. In other words, you can choose more obviously relationship-y words for terms of endearment. "Babe" is over-the-top but some like "boo." OR are you wanting to keep the boundary at friends while not causing him discomfort at an obvious drawing of the line? That part (what you, yourself, want) was not completely clear.

I have to laugh at myself because for some reason I thought you were a guy since you were looking for guys' advice. It takes me a few minutes WAY TOO OFTEN. Ha ha ha haaa!

Well heck, I think the above advice still applies. Maybe. Others? Someone may surely have better advice.

 

[StabatMater]

To clarify:

I'm a woman, this is my guy friend that I am referring to. We are platonic friends, but I would be happy to go further if he was so inclined, which I am not sure that he is or is not, but I know he loves me very much as a friend at least. As he is calling me by affectionate names, I would like to do so also, but something sweet and respectful. And I wonder also if calling him "my friend" is something that would sound like I only want to stay friends.

Hope this helps!

 

[gonzerd]

What about 'darling'?
Goes well with 'dear', not tacky (at least not to my ear; I find it somewhat classy, and funny), and it can still imply friendship, but a friendship you hold close to your heart. I've had a platonic friendship which would at times develop into something more romantic and then back to platonic and so on. She'd often call me darling and I always loved it.

 

[Shiznown]

Sweetie and hun work too. I think Boo can be too feminine to call a man. I'd go with sweetie, since that would sort of imply you like him, but that's not a way to come straight out and say "Hey I like you." I think if he's calling you affectionate names, he probably likes you. Maybe you can ask to hangout with him a few times, then ask him out, or see if he asks you out.

 

[Mattymatt]

I have a question I hope I can get male insight on. Ladies, feel free to respond as well.

I'm Aspie and I have a guy friend who has Aspie tendencies, but isn't actually AS. We are very close and he is very precious to me, in fact that most precious person to me in the whole world. He understands my Aspieness and everything else about me. We are friends, not romantically involved, but I think he may like me and I certainly like him. Anyway, he has been calling me by affectionate names like "dear", which he started doing on his own, for probably a month now (we've been friends for a long time). I don't know what that means. But I want to call him something that expresses my love and respect for him and I'm not sure what. I pathologically despise many "pet names" (Over my dead body, you'll call me "Babe" or something like that), but his are very sweet and respectful. I've been calling him "dear" and "my friend", but I don't want him to think I'm parroting back what he is saying to me with the first. Even though I feel it completely. As for calling him friend, I am a little worried that he will think I am emphasizing to him that I love him only as a friend, with no possibility for anything more.

Would you think that is the case? For me, to actually call someone friend means that they are intimately known, respected, and loved by me (and by intimate, I mean close, nothing to do with anything else...) and that is an extremely small circle of people for me.

And any ideas? I hope this makes some sense, LOL.

I always loved it when my ex simply said, "I love you." I also liked it when she called me sweetheart or sweetie. I don't feel it's parroting.

 

[Rudy Schmidt]

What about 'darling'?
Goes well with 'dear', not tacky (at least not to my ear; I find it somewhat classy, and funny), and it can still imply friendship, but a friendship you hold close to your heart. I've had a platonic friendship which would at times develop into something more romantic and then back to platonic and so on. She'd often call me darling and I always loved it.

I like "darling", too. I'm very casual when I have to address people, usually resorting to something like "chief", even to a woman. But being called "darling" always gave me a warm feeling.

 

[Grumpy Cat]

I'm a girl NT. I always wanted to go out with a guy that I could call by a cute name that I made up. Unfortunately, the guys I went out with thought it was dumb. The "friend" word wouldn't work for me if I wanted more than just friends - the word pretty much says it all - friends. Maybe something that has not been used before and you make totally up on your own about maybe one of his hobbies, maybe he has a nice smile or pretty eyes. If the name is from something about him, he will definitely notice.
Just a thought.

 

[Shiznown]

I'm a girl NT. I always wanted to go out with a guy that I could call by a cute name that I made up. Unfortunately, the guys I went out with thought it was dumb. The "friend" word wouldn't work for me if I wanted more than just friends - the word pretty much says it all - friends. Maybe something that has not been used before and you make totally up on your own about maybe one of his hobbies, maybe he has a nice smile or pretty eyes. If the name is from something about him, he will definitely notice.
Just a thought.

All I thought when reading this was "Turn around bright eyes."

 

[zurb]

At primary school, there was a girl who always called me 'twinkle toes'. Never knew what she was on about, and if it was a compliment or insult. Either way it was better than most other names I got called. Lol

 

[gonzerd]

I'm a girl NT. I always wanted to go out with a guy that I could call by a cute name that I made up. Unfortunately, the guys I went out with thought it was dumb. The "friend" word wouldn't work for me if I wanted more than just friends - the word pretty much says it all - friends. Maybe something that has not been used before and you make totally up on your own about maybe one of his hobbies, maybe he has a nice smile or pretty eyes. If the name is from something about him, he will definitely notice.
Just a thought.

As an aspie guy I agree with this. "Friend" is nice, but in a way it lacks further affection; it's just friends, which is still great off course, but I wouldn't be expecting any hugs for example. To me "friend" would be a sign the person likes me, or likes my company, but not on any kind of physical level, so it would definitely make me keep some distance. (I should say I do have some issues with making physical contact (non-sexual) in that I find it very difficult to engage in say a hug or even say putting my hand on a shoulder or anything really. It's more a matter of respect for the other person's personal space in combination with low self-esteem, because I actually very much like it, so once the cat's out of the bag, I'm a hugger. But only when I get a definite yes. It's one of those things that make me come of as rather distant at times. )

I like the idea of making something up involving part of his anatomy or interests. My current girlfriend calls me things like "might boosh" (referring to my hair), or "kinky eyes", or "sexy belly", because she likes my belly. Maybe those are already too much. It's probably too much. But still, referring to something more physical could show him that you also like him in such way.

At primary school, there was a girl who always called me 'twinkle toes'. Never knew what she was on about, and if it was a compliment or insult. Either way it was better than most other names I got called. Lol

Just wondering, do or did you wiggle your toes a lot? It could be some kind of stim you weren't aware of at the time, but she picked up on. I certainly don't think "twinkle toes" would be an insult, rather a term of endearment.

 

[Rudy Schmidt]

At primary school, there was a girl who always called me 'twinkle toes'. Never knew what she was on about, and if it was a compliment or insult. Either way it was better than most other names I got called. Lol

I've heard the name before, and I'm sat here right now trying to decide if it's a compliment or an insult, and I realise I don't know. I think I've only ever heard it used positively. I think it doesn't really have much meaning - sort of like when I call people "chief" - but is just a more colourful way of addressing someone.

 

[tarview]

Make up a nickname. Any name that isn't obviously insulting would be fine ("Handsome" comes to mind). And if he looks at you confused, just say, "Just trying it out. What do you think?"

 

[Grumpy Cat]

Make up a nickname. Any name that isn't obviously insulting would be fine ("Handsome" comes to mind). And if he looks at you confused, just say, "Just trying it out. What do you think?"

I was thinking that same word- handsome! Kinda like when a guy will say "hey beautiful!" Nothing wrong with me hearing that one.
(I give "hey beautiful" more than one wink!)

 

[Ste11aeres]

I've called my male friend "sweetie" or (if my memory is correct) "cutie".

 

[icesyckel]

I was thinking that same word- handsome! Kinda like when a guy will say "hey beautiful!" Nothing wrong with me hearing that one.
(I give "hey beautiful" more than one wink!)

I am a guy, and my wife sometimes calls me "handsome." That definitely works.

"Handsome" only works if you can say it confidently though. You need to smile/smirk/wink at him like it is flirtatious. If your voice sounds pavid or you seem awkward, then it will come across as awkward. Instead be flirty, and it will be something of a litmus test. If he responds positively, then he clearly likes you as "more than a friend." If he responds negatively, then probably the most you can hope for is to remain good friends, which really is a good thing. Win-win. I suppose if he has aspie qualities, then awkwardness in his response might not be a guaranty that he isn't interested in being more than friends, though.

Ultimately, I learned years ago that I was wasting too much time wondering about stuff like this. I would spend a year or more wondering if a girl liked me when there was a very easy, logical way to resolve it: ask her out, flirt, or just ask directly (e.g., "do you like me?"). Believe it or not, most guys respond well to that sort of boldness despite what many think. When I introduced myself to my wife, she had already learned my name (first, last, and middle). I was impressed. Obviously, at some point I proposed. To this day, that boldness still amazes me.