I've found being in a relationship with an Autistic/ADHD chap that being honest and direct about things that happen or cause upset is well recieved by him.
We each own our own parts, eg my emotions from the past intensifying the present emotion and while its never his intent to cause hurt, the outcome for me is the same regardless of intent.
Rescuing him from these social-expectation type situations is something I also do. Its less stressful for him to have the stereotype of bossy wife type to answer to, than to get out of these situations on his own. Im not bossy, but I don't mind if it helps us by other people thinking I am.
