Pondering People: Carla, Terri, Fellie

[Poppy98]

(If you just read the bold sections, you'll get the idea.)


(A lot of the advice I've recieved on how to improve my interactions relates to better understanding the person/people with whom I am interacting, so here I'll try to do that.)



Carla (Landlord)
Wants:
I think that her desire is to be seen as a paragon of good. She's getting older and I think the idea of "leaving a legacy" might be on her mind.




What else do I know about the landlord that could help me understand her?

Weaknesses:
ummm...sanity?
Sometimes her decisions seem patently insane, and I think there's a chance that her mind is going/alzheimers.
She won't resolve the mold issues (easily resolvable atm) but she'll spend hours putting up paper decorations in the halls we don't need and don't want (but consider it work).
Tendency to blindly give bullies power and be satisfied with that.
She lets the Felon-bully rule as she did her belligerant assistant because it was expedient (she doesn't have to bully others to clean up after other renters, the bullies genuinely enjoy finding someone and getting them to do that).
Choosing what is Easy over what is reasonable.
She triangulates ordering the responsible people to serve the irresponsible even more than we already do (again easiness over reason).
Incompetance
I think that she struggles substantially with either executive function or competance, but doesn't have wherewithall to notice that or try to solve it or she doesn't care that it has wrecked my life already.
But she also works long hours because she's inefficient. Nonetheless she will easily say "no" and abandon things most days if she feels like she's ready to go home.
(She also for some reason strings people along having them wait all day everyday for something for months. I don't really think she has the foresight for this to be intentional or she wouldn't likely be so disorganized. She may enjoy that she feels that people are competing for her attention (does she like the drama?).She's certainly comfortable telling people "no" to prior promises, so I don't think it's strictly aversion to friction/conflict avoidance. She never seems remoreseful for doing it though.)
How do I get her to stop mutilating my life by stringing me along like this? Proposing a specific day to block off? But that hasn't worked and if I'm not there my things will go missing one way or another.


She is quite the micromanager. She is controlling and will do things she shouldn't in ways that are disempowering and a little creepy. (Like throwing out my bread because "carbs aren't healthy"....ummm okay but I'm below the poverty line atm don't take away my resources. I'm not diabetic and if anything I should maybe eat a bit more.)

What else...?



Smoothing Things Over: I think if I ever have to smooth things over, I would be wise to appeal to flattery of her personality.

 

[Poppy98]

Trying to figure out:
Terri

Identifiers: Boots-lady, not the Felon-bully, very sticky fingers, very very likely a true Narcicist

Desires:
She thinks she is the Queen. She demands that her servants bring her good food--not just any food will do. She must be served and it must be at no cost to her. How dare the insolent fools think that she should ever have to work to obtain their posessions? The queen, after all, owns everything.
She's a habitual thief.
Demands:
Free labor
Free food, but it has to be good
Everything she wants ( for example my wallet and my food)
Entitlement: Psychic servants who must realize that they are not permitted to turn on lights if in a mere three hours time the queen will want to enter that room and have the lights off. In the intervening hours, the lights should have been off without her having to ask.
She despises if someone suggests that the Sun Queen may be a mere mortal.
Manipulate: to cause friction and drama and many other manipulative tactics to make sure everyone thinke she is their only real friend in the building.
Entertainment: Jester! Dance for the Queen!
To insult and Belittle: She's a bully, but she's usually more tolerable than the main bully...if perhaps more expensive.
Drugs
Stuff stuff stuff stuff stuff





Fears:
Reality?


Strengths:
Although she plays dumb, I suspect that she is very intentionally manipulating people. It's so skillful. If I didn't find her and her behavior obnoxious, I might almost be in awe of it.




Weaknesses:
Personality. It's exhausting being around her--every moment of every day she berates people for not serving the queen--like a 5' 1" toddler but strung out on drugs.

She tries to pretend that she thinks of others as people instead of robot servants that shouldn't dare disobey her, but she keeps forgetting that too.

 

[Poppy98]

Fellie (not her name) Janet

The Bully-Felon


Wants:
-to bully
-POWER
-to be queen bee
-perks/to be treated as better than others
-using Prison gang tactics
-drugs
-[Disclaimer: I have known many Christians and have nothing against the Bible. Most of the time I knew people were Christians from them bringing it up in relation to how it made them decide they want to become a better parent, help people or improve themselves. In contrast...]
Fellie enjoys beating everyone else with the Bible while actually being far worse in any of those measures than the person she criticizes. She got on a severly disabled person for "leeching off the system" but she herself is not disabled and is on public assistance because she blew her money committing crimes. She claimed that she was not on public assistance less than 24 hours after having said she was and buying stuff on her public assistance card. She tried to insult my credibility while she has a lengthy criminal history and all she was using against me was something she had made up.
-a man (gee...I wonder why this hasn't happened)
-one way or the other she expects to use others as recipients of her toxicity--venting, abuse, whatev's




Strengths:
Manipulation
She is the one who controls the landlord and has thereby gotten access to my apartment for a long time (possibly no more). She understands power extremely well. She is sweet to the landlord seconds after telling me how she is going to kill me then goes to the landlord with crocodile tears (falsely) claiming I had started conversations with her (when the cameras see you following me inside and out multiple times, that's a fascinating claim). She played the victim because she figure it would work. She completely convinced the landlord that it didn't happen until the landlord saw it for herself.
She bribes Terri (the thief) because that's what Terri wants.
She gives the opportunity to bully to those who want it--Debbie, Terri, etc.
She gave a temporary reprieve to her other victims while she's working on torturing me (duping them into thinking "it was a misunderstanding" "she's changed") to make sure they don't protect me.
She does every dominance move in the book.
She gets special favors from the landlord that noone else would ever get (forcing someone to change apartments because she wanted theirs, access to mine, etc.)


Weaknesses:
I don't think her extreme hypocracy is actually an intellectual deficit. I think she's just that deluded.



Where do our goals align:
She believes she's too good to live here, I would love for her to not be here.

 

[Poppy98]

She's not above using my social niavity to intentionally give me bad advice that benefits her.

 

[Poppy98]

I may end up eventually using this as a brain-dump zone for this topic.

 

[Mary Terry]

Are these some fantasy people? Who the heck are Terri, Fellie and Carla? I'm clueless about those names.

 

[Judge]

The only one I see you really needing to deal with is your landlord. And exclusively because of the relationship (and control) of a landlord to their tenant. Not much you can do, other than to continue to "watch your six" with such persons. To remain vigilant in your own best interest.

The rest? If they are truly within your social orbit as you describe, dump or ghost them all. Better to be alone and retain your peace of mind than to be surrounded only by toxic personalities who want to take from you in various ways. Those I usually consider to be "energy vampires".

Something that has taken me a long time to sort out.