Poly Relationships with Aspergers and Aspie partners

[Kaylee]

apology in advance for spelling,

a few months ago i entered into a relationship i have never experienced before,
The relationship simply is a Poly Fidelious relationship meaning it has the aspects of exclusivity that comes from a monogamous relationship although applied with 3 people instead of 2, meaning i am dating 2 people who are dating each other as well, we are all basically dating each other but otherwise it is the same as a monogamous relationship
this sounds like something odd or hard to deal with, especially with a social disorder but thats where my 2nd point comes into play,
My GF clearly has aspergers, and my BF as much as he doesnt want to admit it falls somewhere on the spectrum. most likely Atypical autisim as his issues seem a bit more sparatic, and more like an autisim grab bag. still both high functioning.
As it is we are all introverts and have a hard time expressing ourselves. my BF can at times feel left out because of the crazy amount of connection my GF and I have considering we have the same condition and he is unwilling to admit he falls somewhere on the spectrum. Communication has been a tricking thing with constant apologizing from all ends (as we all have issues explaining ourselves and what we mean by a topic) and with people not wanting to bring up a topic because we either feel like we wont be listened to in the heat of the moment or that we will have to deal with our comments will be misinterpreted. this doesnt help that an issue we all have is that even though we mean well by what we say we are all fairly bad at inflection and sound like we are talking down to each other.

Now i would like to bring up that this is not a constant thing, it isnt proof that the relationship is not working, as we all get along great, i love both of my partners so much and i am happy to have them. this is more of my actual complaints and issues that have happened over the past few months of this relationship, while we are getting better i would love to hear from people who has an aspie partner along with aspies who have experiences in relationships like this.

If you would like to comment with hate, agression, questions that may be mildly offensive or the like feel free to send me a private message. i just ask you keep the thread free of any hate or anything that could be seen as offensive.

 

[AsheSkyler]

I must begin with a disclaimer that I am aggressively monogamous and territorial of my fellow, and have been known to chase away guys flirting with me before my husband had a chance to add his two cents in. That aside, I do have some ideas that may help if you want to try them.

Three Aspies passionately discussing the same obsession does sound like potential trouble. Would something like an egg timer help out? (One of those tiny hourglasses.) If the conversation goes into tantalizing waters, break out the egg-timer and have everybody say their spill until the sand runs out and then it's the next person's turn? It could be a rather fun game too.

There is something I worked out with one of my relatives years ago. When we know we're about to saying anything that could remotely be interpreted as insulting, we begin with a disclaimer we mean no harm. Really comes in handy with discussions concerning habits, relationships, and the like. Would that be helpful to you guys?

I take the apologizing as a good sign, y'all seem to be trying to work it out, so I'm sure if you keep it up you'll iron out the kinks someday. I would tell him not to feel bad or left out when you have girl talk with the girl friend. There are some areas that girls are just closer to each other, and two Aspie girls with an in-denial dude will have a few gaps. He might could use a few snuggles of reassurance that there's no blame or fault on his part. Most guys usually have to deal with this kind of relationship between their ladies and the ladies' mothers!