Grimstride Lupus
New Member
I am a 42-year-old man from Louisiana, USA who is a self-diagnosed Aspie. It is only in the past year and a half that I have been looking into Asperger's Syndrome and ASD. This has helped me to find a context from which to explain to my family, and especially my wife, about how my thought processes work. It has been a liberating experience which has alleviated some of the unrelenting frustration in dealing with the neurotypical mindset.
If I were to finally go ahead and seek an official diagnosis it would be a very arduous process, perhaps chiefly due to me being a chameleon. Through determination and iron will I have been able to get as far as I have: holding a job and having a comfortable living situation; being able to understand irony, sarcasm, and satire; able to hold eye contact during a conversation; able to engage in small talk, to a limited degree.
These accomplishments are still a heavy drain on my inner resources. As soon as I walk out the door I have to slip on a mask and keep up a facade for the sake of social expectations and interaction. It is a conscious effort to exert the required energy to even respond to someone in a certain way. I still have to consciously think about a response or an action before performing it when it comes to social situations and social cues.
Every social situation I have ever been thrust into could probably be compared to having been tossed into a pool and told to either sink or swim. I have had to learn how to swim for the sake of survival. Even though I have learned how to execute expected social behaviors and responses, there are some I still do not understand as to why I have to do them--other than it is easier to do them than to cause friction.
My primary interest of intensive focus is religion, specifically Christianity and the Bible. I have taken both, disassmbled and picked apart, and put them back together again, in order to understand their many facets.
Other interests of mine include earth and space sciences, science fiction novels and television programs, history, geography, cultures, mythology, archaeology and anthropology.
There is probably much more I could write about, but I will save all that for later.
If I were to finally go ahead and seek an official diagnosis it would be a very arduous process, perhaps chiefly due to me being a chameleon. Through determination and iron will I have been able to get as far as I have: holding a job and having a comfortable living situation; being able to understand irony, sarcasm, and satire; able to hold eye contact during a conversation; able to engage in small talk, to a limited degree.
These accomplishments are still a heavy drain on my inner resources. As soon as I walk out the door I have to slip on a mask and keep up a facade for the sake of social expectations and interaction. It is a conscious effort to exert the required energy to even respond to someone in a certain way. I still have to consciously think about a response or an action before performing it when it comes to social situations and social cues.
Every social situation I have ever been thrust into could probably be compared to having been tossed into a pool and told to either sink or swim. I have had to learn how to swim for the sake of survival. Even though I have learned how to execute expected social behaviors and responses, there are some I still do not understand as to why I have to do them--other than it is easier to do them than to cause friction.
My primary interest of intensive focus is religion, specifically Christianity and the Bible. I have taken both, disassmbled and picked apart, and put them back together again, in order to understand their many facets.
Other interests of mine include earth and space sciences, science fiction novels and television programs, history, geography, cultures, mythology, archaeology and anthropology.
There is probably much more I could write about, but I will save all that for later.
