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HarleyMama

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I'm 25, female, and just recently found out in an aspie. I'm discovering that many of what I thought were My personality traits are actually aspie traits. I'm not really sure how I feel about this or where it leaves my concept of self.
How did those of you diagnosed as adults handle the mental adjustment? I'm also wondering if there's a difference in those who identify as female vs male.
 
HarleyMama said:
I'm discovering that many of what I thought were My personality traits are actually aspie traits. I'm not really sure how I feel about this or where it leaves my concept of self.
Click to expand...

Yes, that's been disconcerting for me, too. I thought those were my quirks...just me...being odd or unique or, in some cases, impressive...but it's the AS, too. I can't tell you how many of my oddities I've pointed out to my pastors (who were counseling me) in the past year that had AS written all over them but none of us recognized them as such until I put it together back in August.

But there are ways to differentiate as an aspie, too...and in some ways, having the AS dx (unofficial for me) gives me permission to stop trying to fit into the boxes everyone has always had for me, including my own boxes for myself. It's like chucking almost the whole rule book out the window and starting fresh...just be me...whatever that is...and it's okay.
 
It would imply that you are merely a product of your AS, and I find that hard to believe to be honest. Yes, I can see how some things might be more prevalent with people on the spectrum and thus might just be things that come with being an aspie. But the notion that your traits are all just parts of your AS... to me it sounds like you're saying "I am Aspergers" rather than "I have Aspergers".

Now, I will say that I'm sure that certain traits I have going on are colored by my AS, but that's about it; colored. It's also where at some point, therapists thought that I might suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial, avoidant and a few other disorders, because I for example am not to interested in other people. I never was much of a people person, my AS probably just made me change my lifestyle around to make it as optimal for me as I can. And that in this case involves only a bit of human contact.

But then again; I tend to have a strong personality and rather strong personality traits, at which point I can pretty much say "I've got 99 problems and AS ain't one of them". Yes, of course AS gives me issues in life, and will do in the future. Perhaps there's a disparity there in that strong personality traits override the AS ones. I for one think, that even if I were to get my AS issues sorted out through therapy (and one can wonder if they are even AS issues at all), I'm still nowhere as functional as someone not on the spectrum. I've just got too much going on for me aside from AS. I guess that's where it reverts back from "you're no aspie, you're just eccentric". And it's not like eccentric people have it all going for them in life either, lol.
 
I spent about a month re-evaluating what's me and what's just a part of being autistic, on top of all the other input factors I deal with. Then I was fine. My opinions are what they are from long thought and consideration, so instead of feeling like a drone for hating women's jeans and their lack of pockets, I'm instead comforted knowing I have an army of women in agreement to help support my cause! All in perspective. ;)
 
HarleyMama said:
I'm 25, female, and just recently found out in an aspie. I'm discovering that many of what I thought were My personality traits are actually aspie traits.
Click to expand...

I'm in the same boat. I'm 26, newly diagnosed, and quite confused.
 
I kinda see it as, AS is the song sheet and everyone sings it in a different key.

Even with a group of people having AS and being diagnosed with it, it makes us all still very different - the other aspie's I've met in the past have also struck me as very unique people (in a good way). I think AS has more of a track record with shaping people into very unique individuals (if that makes sense..)

Regardless of it all you're still you, think of yourself as a one-off unique combination of traits which makes who you are - just that.
 
If you have asperger's it means you are born with the potential for certain traits, within a human context.
The rest is nurture.
There are similarities with people on the autism spectrum because we are built from a similar blueprint.
If you inherit a personality trait from a parent, it doesn't mean its not a personality trait because your parent has it aswell.
Your "quirks" are still personality traits, even if you would not have them if you did not have AS.
 
danielcollins said:
I kinda see it as, AS is the song sheet and everyone sings it in a different key.

Even with a group of people having AS and being diagnosed with it, it makes us all still very different - the other aspie's I've met in the past have also struck me as very unique people (in a good way). I think AS has more of a track record with shaping people into very unique individuals (if that makes sense..)

Regardless of it all you're still you, think of yourself as a one-off unique combination of traits which makes who you are - just that.
Click to expand...

I agree; at first I was in denial about having AS because I didn't want to be pigeon hole'd into a specific type of personality, as if my thoughts and traits were that of AS rather than my own, but when I researched more about it and met other people online and offline who have it I found that AS just 'tints' (for lack of a better word) your personality rather than defening it. You're an aspie, yet you're also alot of other things. :)
 
As an adult, I didn't feel any different except that I had to try to be careful with a guarded secret because I didn't want to be judged unfairly, and have been able to "meet" people that I otherwise probably would not have met. One person might be a decent friend after over a decade, but that's about it for now.
 
Everyone breathes, but individuals breathe differently. Some use their diaphragm whilst some are upper lungs only.
Everyone cries, but individuals cry for differing reasons.
Everyone laughs, but individuals laugh for differing reasons.
Everyone does everything, but individuals do them for differing reasons.

I'm an aspie, but my quirks are mine for a different reason, just like yours.

We are still unique beneath the label, embrace it.
 
HarleyMama said:
I'm 25, female, and just recently found out in an aspie. I'm discovering that many of what I thought were My personality traits are actually aspie traits. I'm not really sure how I feel about this or where it leaves my concept of self.
How did those of you diagnosed as adults handle the mental adjustment? I'm also wondering if there's a difference in those who identify as female vs male.
Click to expand...

I was always a confused mess of tics, habits, violent outbursts, self-harm and suicidal tendencies, till last year, when I self diagnosed as AS and this overwhelmingly unending sea of problems became just one condition that I could research and understand.
My concept of self has solidified since then and the aspects of myself I consider 'good' have come to the fore as I've learned to cope with the 'bad' bits, depression, anxiety, PTSD.
Aspergers is what it is, but it's not a disability.. there are those mainstreamers (not all, certainly) you meet who make you feel that way, but they're the ones with a problem.
I'm always delighted by the diversity of the members on AC; we are all different, certainly more individual and unique than some mainstreamers. That's what gives me hope for my future happiness :)
 
I thought about it in a rather different way, rather than differentiating between "my personality traits" and "aspie traits", I simply accepted that being an aspie was a fundamental part of my personality, which has strongly influenced who I am as a person, but doesn't define me..

Just because these traits can be ticked off a list of "symptoms" doesn't make them any less a part of who I am as an individual. My tendency to stim a lot is just as much a part of my individual personality as my enjoyment of long walks and habit of having conversations with the cat. Whether they are aspie traits or not doesn't really matter to me... because they're just me.

(I'm 25, just diagnosed)
 
One of the things that is different about me and most others here, is that I'm a old Aspie. I was 60 when first heard about AS, 62 when I was diagnosed. I think that how I felt about it has a lot to do with my age. To me, this was a real revelation. I always knew that I was different, I just didn't know how or why. The diagnosis showed me the what the differences were and that there were others like me. Aspies Central showed me the diversity between all of us. I feel like I finally understand myself for the last several years.
 
King_Oni said:
It would imply that you are merely a product of your AS, and I find that hard to believe to be honest. Yes, I can see how some things might be more prevalent with people on the spectrum and thus might just be things that come with being an aspie. But the notion that your traits are all just parts of your AS... to me it sounds like you're saying "I am Aspergers" rather than "I have Aspergers".

Now, I will say that I'm sure that certain traits I have going on are colored by my AS, but that's about it; colored. It's also where at some point, therapists thought that I might suffer from narcissistic personality disorder, antisocial, avoidant and a few other disorders, because I for example am not to interested in other people. I never was much of a people person, my AS probably just made me change my lifestyle around to make it as optimal for me as I can. And that in this case involves only a bit of human contact.

But then again; I tend to have a strong personality and rather strong personality traits, at which point I can pretty much say "I've got 99 problems and AS ain't one of them". Yes, of course AS gives me issues in life, and will do in the future. Perhaps there's a disparity there in that strong personality traits override the AS ones. I for one think, that even if I were to get my AS issues sorted out through therapy (and one can wonder if they are even AS issues at all), I'm still nowhere as functional as someone not on the spectrum. I've just got too much going on for me aside from AS. I guess that's where it reverts back from "you're no aspie, you're just eccentric". And it's not like eccentric people have it all going for them in life either, lol.
Click to expand...


Very true, King! A lot of other factors come into play, like upbringing & genes, etc. But Strength of Character would definitely be a big Plus in being able to handle ' being Different'! Those of us who have never had a lot of self esteem have a harder time of it! You are fortunate!!
 
GhostWriter said:
Very true, King! A lot of other factors come into play, like upbringing & genes, etc. But Strength of Character would definitely be a big Plus in being able to handle ' being Different'! Those of us who have never had a lot of self esteem have a harder time of it! You are fortunate!!
Click to expand...
A Diagnosis would make a lot of difference to those of us who tend to blame ourselves for what Others consider to be 'unacceptable behavior'....
 
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