People Trying To Change You

[Darwin162]

Does anyone else have people telling them that they should act different and not understanding that we can't. I tell them 'would you ask a person without legs to walk?' They say 'no', 'so don't ask an Aspie to rewire their brain'. They look at me with a strange look that I can now recognise thanks to this emoji [emoji45] I think we call it stupid.

 

[wanderer03]

I just don't care anymore. As Popeye the Sailorman says, "I am who I am." Sometimes, you just need to give society the two middle fingers and move on.

As I get older, I learn more and more about where my place in society is and I care less what others think about it. My place is comfortable and just as productive as others.

 

[Darwin162]

I just don't care anymore. As Popeye the Sailorman says, "I am who I am." Sometimes, you just need to give society the two middle fingers and move on.

As I get older, I learn more and more about where my place in society is and I care less what others think about it. My place is comfortable and just as productive as others.

I wish it was that simple but I am the building manager at my work. I love the autonomy but trying to explain things to some people can be like pulling teeth sometimes.

 

[wanderer03]

I wish it was that simple but I am the building manager at my work. I love the autonomy but trying to explain things to NT'S is like pulling teeth sometimes.

I don't necessarily mind explaining stuff. I just don't have time for people passing judgement on me.

 

[Darwin162]

I don't necessarily mind explaining stuff. I just don't have time for people passing judgement on me.

I may just be used to it but in my mind they are barely Homo Habilis let alone a Homo Aspieapien. We are the next stage in Evolution my friend.

 

[hazybabe]

I may just be used to it but in my mind they are barely Homo Habilis let alone a Homo Aspieapien. We are the next stage in Evolution my friend.

Hehehehe i like it. I let it wash over me, being an aspie has always been who i am and I'm proud of it. I don't think the same way as my family and although they seem to believe I have a tougher time because of it, it's the opposite the way their minds work seems far more boring.

 

[clg114]

I don't necessarily mind explaining stuff. I just don't have time for people passing judgement on me.

I am not comfortable talking to "most people" unless I am explaining something to them.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Every once in a while some idiot will tell me I should smile and talk more. You know what, I used to smile and talk more (though I was still an introvert). I also used to be a people pleaser. Then there was the mass betrayal in the early 2010s, and shortly after moving I realized so many people treat me like an entertainment source, a toy they can fool around with for a while. People meet me for the first time and right away they just want to tease me, make rude and unsolicited comments, or some other form of subtle abuse.

So now I'm more reserved and only make conversation to people I trust. I have enough self-respect not to even bother with people who give off a vibe of "I'm going to be an idiot to you." Of course, they don't like this, and they tell me I should be more open and outgoing like they are.

It's funny, people have already changed me, but not in the way they apparently wanted, and now they can't change me back.

They don't even know me. These people who meet me once, tell me how I should act and live my life, and then never see me again have no idea who I am, what I've been through - WHY I am the way I am. And they certainly don't know I'm autistic; I reserve that information for people I'm considerably close to and trust VERY much. People try to change me for themselves, so THEY'RE comfortable around me. Never mind my feelings. I'm just a doll to them.

Edit: Actually, even as a teen, before the drama of a few years ago, I complained in my journals about people trying to change me according to their personal preferences. So it's not a new thing, I guess. People are just intolerant of quiet people, or anyone who doesn't blend in.

 

[wanderer03]

Every once in a while some idiot will tell me I should smile and talk more. You know what, I used to smile and talk more (though I was still an introvert). I also used to be a people pleaser. Then there was the mass betrayal in the early 2010s, and shortly after moving I realized so many people treat me like an entertainment source, a toy they can fool around with for a while. People meet me for the first time and right away they just want to tease me, make rude and unsolicited comments, or some other form of subtle abuse.

So now I'm more reserved and only make conversation to people I trust. I have enough self-respect not to even bother with people who give off a vibe of "I'm going to be an idiot to you." Of course, they don't like this, and they tell me I should be more open and outgoing like they are.

It's funny, people have already changed me, but not in the way they apparently wanted, and now they can't change me back.

They don't even know me. These people who meet me once, tell me how I should act and live my life, and then never see me again have no idea who I am, what I've been through - WHY I am the way I am. And they certainly don't know I'm autistic; I reserve that information for people I'm considerably close to and trust VERY much. People try to change me for themselves, so THEY'RE comfortable around me. Never mind my feelings. I'm just a doll to them.

Edit: Actually, even as a teen, before the drama of a few years ago, I complained in my journals about people trying to change me according to their personal preferences. So it's not a new thing, I guess. People are just intolerant of quiet people, or anyone who doesn't blend in.

Ugh! I'm sorry you had to go through this. It isn't fair being treated the way you are. I'm proud of you for being able to stop being a people-pleaser as this is something I am wrestling with myself and I'm almost 40. Although at my age, it's more boss pleasing than people in general.

By nature, I'm not much of a smiler and I don't really care. If I have something to smile about, it will come out naturally. In many ways, I've had to harden myself against the world like you have.

I also have to give you a whole lot of credit for being able to do the job that you do. I would probably hand them the bag of groceries, pretend to do a whoops, and drop the bag. Then I would most likely make a smart, sarcastic comment like, "Oh gee, clumsy me. Did I do that?"

As people who are disabled, you and I will always be scapegoats for other people's misery. I say be yourself and love it, the world be damned. Happiness for me has always been tied to my level of productivity, yet until now, I've never been able to find a career that gave me happiness. I'm confident things will get better for you.

 

[umbrellabeach]

Ugh! I'm sorry you had to go through this. It isn't fair being treated the way you are. I'm proud of you for being able to stop being a people-pleaser as this is something I am wrestling with myself and I'm almost 40. Although at my age, it's more boss pleasing than people in general.

By nature, I'm not much of a smiler and I don't really care. If I have something to smile about, it will come out naturally. In many ways, I've had to harden myself against the world like you have.

I also have to give you a whole lot of credit for being able to do the job that you do. I would probably hand them the bag of groceries, pretend to do a whoops, and drop the bag. Then I would most likely make a smart, sarcastic comment like, "Oh gee, clumsy me. Did I do that?"

As people who are disabled, you and I will always be scapegoats for other people's misery. I say be yourself and love it, the world be damned. Happiness for me has always been tied to my level of productivity, yet until now, I've never been able to find a career that gave me happiness. I'm confident things will get better for you.

Thanks. I myself am still a boss-pleaser because I need to keep my job - but thankfully the bad managers have all been fired or moved to a different store so I respect the current managers and they respect me.

At least you're a guy so people don't expect you to smile or harass you about it as much as they would if you were a woman. We're expected to be man-pleasers.

Funny thing is, none of my customers know I'm autistic. I've recently started wearing an autism awareness ribbon pin on my apron but I'm not sure they'll take it to mean I personally am autistic. But as I've said before, if they did know, I wonder if they would still treat me like they do - or if it would only get worse.

 

[Judge]

I've recently started wearing an autism awareness ribbon pin on my apron but I'm not sure they'll take it to mean I personally am autistic. But as I've said before, if they did know, I wonder if they would still treat me like they do - or if it would only get worse.

I'd guess not. I mean...people who are that insensitive to begin with...I wouldn't expect much from them.

Illegitimi non carborundum

 

[clg114]

Every once in a while some idiot will tell me I should smile and talk more. You know what, I used to smile and talk more (though I was still an introvert). I also used to be a people pleaser. Then there was the mass betrayal in the early 2010s, and shortly after moving I realized so many people treat me like an entertainment source, a toy they can fool around with for a while. People meet me for the first time and right away they just want to tease me, make rude and unsolicited comments, or some other form of subtle abuse.

So now I'm more reserved and only make conversation to people I trust. I have enough self-respect not to even bother with people who give off a vibe of "I'm going to be an idiot to you." Of course, they don't like this, and they tell me I should be more open and outgoing like they are.

It's funny, people have already changed me, but not in the way they apparently wanted, and now they can't change me back.

They don't even know me. These people who meet me once, tell me how I should act and live my life, and then never see me again have no idea who I am, what I've been through - WHY I am the way I am. And they certainly don't know I'm autistic; I reserve that information for people I'm considerably close to and trust VERY much. People try to change me for themselves, so THEY'RE comfortable around me. Never mind my feelings. I'm just a doll to them.

Edit: Actually, even as a teen, before the drama of a few years ago, I complained in my journals about people trying to change me according to their personal preferences. So it's not a new thing, I guess. People are just intolerant of quiet people, or anyone who doesn't blend in.

In the future, some of those same people will probably come to you for what you know because they do not have the same knowledge.