MrSpock
Live long and prosper
Hello all.
I'm 49 years old, a friend diagnosed me with Asperger's a few months ago. Her son has it, which is why she recognized it. I wish she were more aware of the social consequences, I very much wish we communicated better than we do. As I gather is a very common experience for aspies I always knew I was different and the diagnosis makes things make so much more sense now. Except that it doesn't equip me with the social skills that would make people make sense to me, and make me make sense to others when discussing... well, you know. Things that don't readily subject themselves to dictionary definitions and abstract systems of logic. People stuff.
I hope to get a better idea of people stuff here, by finding out more about myself and what makes me (us) diffferent. I am unusually smart and logical and have trouble with body language, social cues, facial expressions and hints. Those are the big differences I see between myself and NTs, but there may be others. I wonder about a lack of initiative, in some ways I'm unusually independent, but am not sure when it's socially proper to change systems to something that seems more efficient to me when the systems affect other people; people can be very inefficient so it's hard to anticipate what affect such changes may precipitate. I wonder about a lack of drive, but then what I think is important in life isn't typical, and I sometimes think that most people are simply more willing to see others suffer for their gain (or not even look to see if that's happening). I sometimes amaze people with my drive and/or intensity, but only when I'm really interested in what I'm doing. I tend to be more cautious and deliberate than others, perhaps only because in some cases I see potential consequences more clearly. If I have a clear goal and the means to achieve it and the interest to make it happen I can make a plan and follow through as well as the next person.
Romance seems near impossible, although I am trying and will continue to do so. This seems to be the area where my lack of social skills is most limiting, where communication relies most heavily on social cues I miss and on facial expression and body language. Where people hint the most and are most likely to take the absence of reaction to a hint as an answer which takes the hint into account, when really all it means is that I failed to recognize the hint without first amassing much data and analyzing the hell out of it for days. Even then I can only guess, romance does not lend itself to lengthy logical analysis and controlled experimentation very well. I am somewhat hesitant to risk my feelings and those of others by trying to find romance when it seems that the odds are so against me, the payoff would have to be huge indeed to justify the repeated risk at such low odds.
I don't know the physiological mechanisms behind autism, but from what I observe about myself and NTs I have a hypothesis that the right and left hemispheres of my brain might be less connected than is normal. I can be more passionate or logical than most, but cannot combine the two well at all. My feelings don't prevent me from thinking logically, and when I am able to let my passion rule (hardly ever, it makes me act inappropriately) the reasoning part of me is pretty much shut down. When I fall for a woman I tend to fall hard or lose interest very quickly. I can use words to express reasonable, factual information very well, but they don't serve to express feelings well at all. I'm curious about what others may think of this idea that my brain may be more than usually split into the logical and emotional sides, and if that seems to make any sense to others with similar traits.
Would welcome any comments really. My friend who suggested that I have Asperger's was very hesitant to tell me that. She was very surprised that I didn't take offence, on the contrary it's very useful information to have and I am lucky that she made the connection and told me about it. I wish more people would point out to me how and when I am different so I could learn from it. I seem to be very good at learning in some areas, what I find so frustrating about social skills is maybe not so much that I lack them, but that there seems no good way to go about learning them as success or failure is dependent on so many different variables, and so many of those are simply hidden to me and probably always will be. Subjects are always so different from each other, and romantic subjects relatively rare and of short duration. So go ahead, point out my flaws in character and in reasoning, make a list, please.
I'm 49 years old, a friend diagnosed me with Asperger's a few months ago. Her son has it, which is why she recognized it. I wish she were more aware of the social consequences, I very much wish we communicated better than we do. As I gather is a very common experience for aspies I always knew I was different and the diagnosis makes things make so much more sense now. Except that it doesn't equip me with the social skills that would make people make sense to me, and make me make sense to others when discussing... well, you know. Things that don't readily subject themselves to dictionary definitions and abstract systems of logic. People stuff.
I hope to get a better idea of people stuff here, by finding out more about myself and what makes me (us) diffferent. I am unusually smart and logical and have trouble with body language, social cues, facial expressions and hints. Those are the big differences I see between myself and NTs, but there may be others. I wonder about a lack of initiative, in some ways I'm unusually independent, but am not sure when it's socially proper to change systems to something that seems more efficient to me when the systems affect other people; people can be very inefficient so it's hard to anticipate what affect such changes may precipitate. I wonder about a lack of drive, but then what I think is important in life isn't typical, and I sometimes think that most people are simply more willing to see others suffer for their gain (or not even look to see if that's happening). I sometimes amaze people with my drive and/or intensity, but only when I'm really interested in what I'm doing. I tend to be more cautious and deliberate than others, perhaps only because in some cases I see potential consequences more clearly. If I have a clear goal and the means to achieve it and the interest to make it happen I can make a plan and follow through as well as the next person.
Romance seems near impossible, although I am trying and will continue to do so. This seems to be the area where my lack of social skills is most limiting, where communication relies most heavily on social cues I miss and on facial expression and body language. Where people hint the most and are most likely to take the absence of reaction to a hint as an answer which takes the hint into account, when really all it means is that I failed to recognize the hint without first amassing much data and analyzing the hell out of it for days. Even then I can only guess, romance does not lend itself to lengthy logical analysis and controlled experimentation very well. I am somewhat hesitant to risk my feelings and those of others by trying to find romance when it seems that the odds are so against me, the payoff would have to be huge indeed to justify the repeated risk at such low odds.
I don't know the physiological mechanisms behind autism, but from what I observe about myself and NTs I have a hypothesis that the right and left hemispheres of my brain might be less connected than is normal. I can be more passionate or logical than most, but cannot combine the two well at all. My feelings don't prevent me from thinking logically, and when I am able to let my passion rule (hardly ever, it makes me act inappropriately) the reasoning part of me is pretty much shut down. When I fall for a woman I tend to fall hard or lose interest very quickly. I can use words to express reasonable, factual information very well, but they don't serve to express feelings well at all. I'm curious about what others may think of this idea that my brain may be more than usually split into the logical and emotional sides, and if that seems to make any sense to others with similar traits.
Would welcome any comments really. My friend who suggested that I have Asperger's was very hesitant to tell me that. She was very surprised that I didn't take offence, on the contrary it's very useful information to have and I am lucky that she made the connection and told me about it. I wish more people would point out to me how and when I am different so I could learn from it. I seem to be very good at learning in some areas, what I find so frustrating about social skills is maybe not so much that I lack them, but that there seems no good way to go about learning them as success or failure is dependent on so many different variables, and so many of those are simply hidden to me and probably always will be. Subjects are always so different from each other, and romantic subjects relatively rare and of short duration. So go ahead, point out my flaws in character and in reasoning, make a list, please.
