grommet
Well-Known Member
On the forum I feel like I can most be myself, the only place I can really do that. So here I speak the way I think. In my mind, I do not use contractions and I am very exact. I have always hidden that from people because I have been made fun or or looked at like I was strange. I realized that when I was very young.
Hiding who I really am is painful and has made me feel lonely all my life. Every time I did it, it reminded me to feel bad about who I really was.
I mention this now because some people have noticed the way I speak on the forum and have asked questions politely about my language skills. They have been gentle and not attacking but it made me self-conscious enough that I started cheating and using contractions again because I did not want to keep attracting attention. But I felt so bad after I did it.
The only place I can really be myself is with other aspies. It is such a wonderful freedom. I have had the experience in real life too. I used to go to an aspie support group and there I could speak the way I really do. Nobody minded. My ex girlfriend is aspie and with her I could go further because unless I force myself to lie, sometimes I am non-verbal. I can make up for it by lying, almost like putting on a character and speaking as them but it is a lie, it is not me. She would let me speak in choppy sentences or only use the words that mattered to express myself like "Do not like, feels bad." She never looked at me like I was crazy.
It is wonderful to be accepted. It is the best thing to be who I actually am. I have spent a life hiding who I really am. I still do not think I can be who I am in public among regular people - I have tried and it has gone quite badly. But I hope that here I keep having the courage to be honest about who I am .
I think many aspies have spent a lifetime pretending, acting like someone who would fit in and not who they really are. I do not know that is true but it is my life story and I wonder how much of my unhappiness comes from not being able to be honest and be myself.
aspiecentral is a good place, people are very nice here.
Hiding who I really am is painful and has made me feel lonely all my life. Every time I did it, it reminded me to feel bad about who I really was.
I mention this now because some people have noticed the way I speak on the forum and have asked questions politely about my language skills. They have been gentle and not attacking but it made me self-conscious enough that I started cheating and using contractions again because I did not want to keep attracting attention. But I felt so bad after I did it.
The only place I can really be myself is with other aspies. It is such a wonderful freedom. I have had the experience in real life too. I used to go to an aspie support group and there I could speak the way I really do. Nobody minded. My ex girlfriend is aspie and with her I could go further because unless I force myself to lie, sometimes I am non-verbal. I can make up for it by lying, almost like putting on a character and speaking as them but it is a lie, it is not me. She would let me speak in choppy sentences or only use the words that mattered to express myself like "Do not like, feels bad." She never looked at me like I was crazy.
It is wonderful to be accepted. It is the best thing to be who I actually am. I have spent a life hiding who I really am. I still do not think I can be who I am in public among regular people - I have tried and it has gone quite badly. But I hope that here I keep having the courage to be honest about who I am .
I think many aspies have spent a lifetime pretending, acting like someone who would fit in and not who they really are. I do not know that is true but it is my life story and I wonder how much of my unhappiness comes from not being able to be honest and be myself.
aspiecentral is a good place, people are very nice here.