not sure if i have autism, but i would like to hear your opinions!

[Julianne]

hello i'm a 17 year old female who's wondering whether i have autism or not. i'm really struggling with this so here's what has been going on.

my girlfriend (we're going on five months now!!) has autism and is very open about it! after about a month of talking, she asked me if i had it as well. my answer was "well... i don't think so." and i haven't stopped thinking about it since. after thinking about it for a couple months, i asked my mom, who has a phd in psychology that she hasn't used since 2002 (this is important i promise). she immediately shut me down and proceed to pull out her dsm-5 to prove me wrong. this was upsetting because she hasn't practiced in 18 years and wouldn't listen to my reasoning.

SO, it ended up with me making an appointment with my psychologist, who we'll call dr. b. he's been my psychologist for 5 years and has helped me through a lot; i trust him immensely. at said appointment, we ended up talking about other issues i was having. just before our time was up, he goes, "oh, by the way, i think don't think you have autism. i know that's what you came in for," and then i had to leave. we didn't get the chance to discuss it. this is mainly why i'm struggling so much. dr. b specializes in children, especially boys, with high-assistance needs, as far as i'm aware. so, i'm worried i'm one of those kids that slipped through the cracks because i'm female and i have reason to believe i'd be good at masking.

so, after all that, here are some reasons i think i'm autistic. (this is based off a lot of research and talking to my gf, sorry if it comes across as stereotypical.):
- i don't understand sarcasm, i literally don't pick up on it and have to ask
- specific sounds really hurt, especially metal sounds
- i struggle processing strong feelings and have a terrible time articulating them
- SPECIAL INTERESTS (these last for about a year)
- i HATE small talk and i never know when it's my turn to speak
- i have trouble regulating what emotion or volume i want to convey (i often sound really upset when i'm really not?)
- i'm really sensitive to pain or being itchy
- i rotate through the same set of shirts and 3 pairs of pants
- i think in very black and white terms
- i can remember really specific weird things, but if someone throws a lot of information at me quickly, i immediately forget it
- i'm really observant and i think it's possible that i learned a lot of "normal" behaviors from my sister because we're really close. all my friends growing up were definitely neurotypical as well.
- i walked with my arms bent at the elbows and hands dangling, like i was imitating a t-rex. (i call that squirrel hands but my gf calls it puppy-dog hands lol)

so, there are my thoughts. i would love to hear your opinions because i'm having a difficult time sorting everything out.
thank you for reading

 

[Crossbreed]

Hello & welcome @Julianne .

No one here can give you an official diagnosis. There are on-line tests that can give you a good idea where you stand, but they do not replace a formal diagnosis, either.

On-Line Autism Tests...?

this is mainly why i'm struggling so much. dr. b specializes in children, especially boys, with high-assistance needs, as far as i'm aware. so, i'm worried i'm one of those kids that slipped through the cracks because i'm female and i have reason to believe i'd be good at masking.

You are wise to question that.

If you are in the USA, see Autlanders, Thriving Outside of the Box: Finding Support Resources in the USA...

 

[Giraffes]

Hi am a women with a late diagnosis who struggled to be regonised by professional my advice is prehaps do some reading ( loads of good links on the forum for this) i read Tony Attwood and had my 'light bulb moment' realise that females may resent differently and may be 'harder' to diagnose, and there's a person (Tania Marshall') who i found very informed and a link to on line assessment for women, good luck. Also remember qualified or not it's their opinion, go with your gut and making your post in in my opinion was a positive move, diagnosed or not i hope you grow in understanding and acceptance about who you are.

 

[Thinx]

Hi and welcome. Even without diagnosis you may find that some strategies for the way you are will be found as you read and find out more about autism. The main use of knowing is that you can find strategies that will be helpful to you, based on some aspects of how you are being down to brain difference rather than other causes.

However, a lot of what you are likely being offered in therapy would be useful to you at this stage in any case. I spent the first year or two I went to therapy talking about my mother, you could try that. Often useful. I hope you have plenty opening up for you in life just now, as you proceed you will gain more independence, but probably the key to that is getting education and work you enjoy at this stage of life, for neurotypical people or neuro diverse people.

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

You are so alert to things that can be disadvantageous unless you adapt better. Like I wasn't, till starting from age 42.

I love your description of imitating a T-rex !!!!!

ASC is not a "disorder".

I'd only pick two of your list for prioritising:

- spatial thinking (seeing layers) (an aid to logic) will help with black & white thinking, which is a fault in our entire culture and you are streets ahead in noticing it

- your power of observation (and your terrific logic) (and spatial thinking again) will help your memory. To parallel a few of my own tricks:

-- I split a piece of info like a phone no. into an auditory portion (self talk) and a visual portion. A mobile dialling code is only three digits (without the 07) and that is a separate visual part. That's momentary, till I can write it down, or when reading it off before dialling.​

-- If people are explaining geography or some technicality, I momentarily rank elements by some category and try to reduce them to keywords. Frequently I have to decide on certain points to either ask again about, or arrange to be told later, or decide to look up.​

I was a spatial thinker as a kiddy but no-one told me the names for my theories (and I was ham fisted). A workplace coach (mainly employed for dyslexic colleagues) showed me how to go back to this wonderful place. (I mask dyslexia because words are among my myriad special interests.)

As for pain, we can accept ourselves in the facts of life. Difficulty doesn't destroy. (But if and when it "does", will we be in inner integrity?)

 

[Darwin]

Yes, I think you have autism.
Lately, I have been wondering about this particular issue, that autistic females tend to slip through the cracks not getting diagnosed. The point of giving someone a diagnosis in medicine is to give them a label that says “he/she needs medical attention.” They must be suffering in some way to “deserve” that attention because medical resources are always limited (all resources are), and, of course, resources means money. So, since females are generally better at masking their struggles and adapting to the social environment they are living in, it is harder to diagnose them because, well, yeah, “she is sensitive to pain and walked like a T. rex, and claims she has social difficulties, but she looks fine!“ Even though you might actually have the same or similar brain wiring as that of other diagnosed autistic people. The only difference is that you are better at masking. But, although females mask well and can hide their social difficulties being more social, they seem to me that they actually struggle masking. The DSM V described the first level of social difficulties in autism as “having struggles maintaining friendships,” for example. If the point of giving a diagnosis is to give struggling people the necessary medical attention, then I would blame the DSM for all that diagnosis-missing in females. Even I, as someone who thought about it deeply enough (I hope), would find it confusing as to whether or not give the diagnosis to a girl who claims she struggles socially and hates small talk but also has friends, and can small talk. DSM V is not very clear on that issue, unfortunately. I hope they fix that in the next editions.

By the way, I am/was in the same situation. I am a male, but I was very good at masking. I was only brought to medical attention when I had panic attacks and anxiety when I was 16. And only lately did I get the diagnosis of autism. But now I have recovered almost completely from all the anxiety and panic attacks and depression, and I am sure, if I now went to some specialist and asked him/her if they thought I had autism, they would definitely say “no.” So, you should not worry about the diagnosis. It wouldn’t be important anyway as the only help, I think, you will need would be with anxiety (if you have it) or other issues that accompany autism, because you already work on the social aspect, which is the main help that specialists would provide.

But I think you might have the same brain wiring. So welcome!

 

[Wolfgangus Faldestolius]

I see diagnosis as door opening. I was lucky it opened the door to some coaching, and by middle age things had begun to "get to me". I've not had doctor attention for it. My diagnosis was not by doctors anyway - it was by educators.

The biggest door opening was: plain things that I do for me with huge verve, and thought, and joy (I pick up ideas from books by autistic authors - mainly women incidentally). I think I knew as a child I had ASC (which didn't perturb me), because I read about it in a book when I was 9, and saw the pictures of the children, and thought they were extra cool.

Your doctor perhaps has an overly narrow idea about the roles of doctors and others, and the range that remediation can have. (Your doctor may be subject to "organisational" constraints.) Get using those wonderful building blocks, then see what else serendipity will put in your way.

 

[Judge]

dr. b specializes in children, especially boys, with high-assistance needs, as far as i'm aware. so, i'm worried i'm one of those kids that slipped through the cracks because i'm female and i have reason to believe i'd be good at masking.

Agreed.

If you do a lot of "digging" here, you're likely to discover that that seeking a proper medical diagnosis was anything but a simple and linear process. That for many, they had to seek second- even third opinions to formally determine what well...most of us already knew.

Seek another diagnosis, and if possible through a psychiatrist or neurologist specializing in autism in women. It would seem otherwise that it's just too easy for autistic women to "slip under the radar" given so many involved in diagnostics are so focused on autistic traits and behaviors of males.

Even in my own case as easy in hindsight as it is for me to identify other males of my own kind, it's not at all easy for me to look back and say "Oh yeah- she was on the spectrum too!"

Keep researching...and welcome to Autism Forums.

 

[menander]

I would seek a thorough neurocognitive assessment. They take into account many things, to include early childhood. It's not just being quirky or different. Your mom would know a lot even if she has not used the degree because early milestones are important:

C. Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

 

[Julianne]

Hello & welcome @Julianne .

No one here can give you an official diagnosis. There are on-line tests that can give you a good idea where you stand, but they do not replace a formal diagnosis, either.

On-Line Autism Tests...?

You are wise to question that.

If you are in the USA, see Autlanders, Thriving Outside of the Box: Finding Support Resources in the USA...

thank you! i think these tests and resources will help me a lot!

 

[Julianne]

Hi am a women with a late diagnosis who struggled to be regonised by professional my advice is prehaps do some reading ( loads of good links on the forum for this) i read Tony Attwood and had my 'light bulb moment' realise that females may resent differently and may be 'harder' to diagnose, and there's a person (Tania Marshall') who i found very informed and a link to on line assessment for women, good luck. Also remember qualified or not it's their opinion, go with your gut and making your post in in my opinion was a positive move, diagnosed or not i hope you grow in understanding and acceptance about who you are.

thank u! i will be looking in to both attwood and marshall soon! i really appreciate your positivity, it means a lot.

 

[Julianne]

Hi and welcome. Even without diagnosis you may find that some strategies for the way you are will be found as you read and find out more about autism. The main use of knowing is that you can find strategies that will be helpful to you, based on some aspects of how you are being down to brain difference rather than other causes.

However, a lot of what you are likely being offered in therapy would be useful to you at this stage in any case. I spent the first year or two I went to therapy talking about my mother, you could try that. Often useful. I hope you have plenty opening up for you in life just now, as you proceed you will gain more independence, but probably the key to that is getting education and work you enjoy at this stage of life, for neurotypical people or neuro diverse people.

thank you!!

 

[Julianne]

You are so alert to things that can be disadvantageous unless you adapt better. Like I wasn't, till starting from age 42.

I love your description of imitating a T-rex !!!!!

ASC is not a "disorder".

I'd only pick two of your list for prioritising:

- spatial thinking (seeing layers) (an aid to logic) will help with black & white thinking, which is a fault in our entire culture and you are streets ahead in noticing it

- your power of observation (and your terrific logic) (and spatial thinking again) will help your memory. To parallel a few of my own tricks:

-- I split a piece of info like a phone no. into an auditory portion (self talk) and a visual portion. A mobile dialling code is only three digits (without the 07) and that is a separate visual part. That's momentary, till I can write it down, or when reading it off before dialling.​

-- If people are explaining geography or some technicality, I momentarily rank elements by some category and try to reduce them to keywords. Frequently I have to decide on certain points to either ask again about, or arrange to be told later, or decide to look up.​

I was a spatial thinker as a kiddy but no-one told me the names for my theories (and I was ham fisted). A workplace coach (mainly employed for dyslexic colleagues) showed me how to go back to this wonderful place. (I mask dyslexia because words are among my myriad special interests.)

As for pain, we can accept ourselves in the facts of life. Difficulty doesn't destroy. (But if and when it "does", will we be in inner integrity?)

this is really interesting and i'm definitely going to look into spatial thinking!! thank you for replying

 

[Julianne]

Yes, I think you have autism.
Lately, I have been wondering about this particular issue, that autistic females tend to slip through the cracks not getting diagnosed. The point of giving someone a diagnosis in medicine is to give them a label that says “he/she needs medical attention.” They must be suffering in some way to “deserve” that attention because medical resources are always limited (all resources are), and, of course, resources means money. So, since females are generally better at masking their struggles and adapting to the social environment they are living in, it is harder to diagnose them because, well, yeah, “she is sensitive to pain and walked like a T. rex, and claims she has social difficulties, but she looks fine!“ Even though you might actually have the same or similar brain wiring as that of other diagnosed autistic people. The only difference is that you are better at masking. But, although females mask well and can hide their social difficulties being more social, they seem to me that they actually struggle masking. The DSM V described the first level of social difficulties in autism as “having struggles maintaining friendships,” for example. If the point of giving a diagnosis is to give struggling people the necessary medical attention, then I would blame the DSM for all that diagnosis-missing in females. Even I, as someone who thought about it deeply enough (I hope), would find it confusing as to whether or not give the diagnosis to a girl who claims she struggles socially and hates small talk but also has friends, and can small talk. DSM V is not very clear on that issue, unfortunately. I hope they fix that in the next editions.

By the way, I am/was in the same situation. I am a male, but I was very good at masking. I was only brought to medical attention when I had panic attacks and anxiety when I was 16. And only lately did I get the diagnosis of autism. But now I have recovered almost completely from all the anxiety and panic attacks and depression, and I am sure, if I now went to some specialist and asked him/her if they thought I had autism, they would definitely say “no.” So, you should not worry about the diagnosis. It wouldn’t be important anyway as the only help, I think, you will need would be with anxiety (if you have it) or other issues that accompany autism, because you already work on the social aspect, which is the main help that specialists would provide.

But I think you might have the same brain wiring. So welcome!

thank you for replying! this made me think about my admittedly pretty bad anxiety. i think i'm going to work on that before i pursue anything else about autism, if i do at all.

 

[Julianne]

I see diagnosis as door opening. I was lucky it opened the door to some coaching, and by middle age things had begun to "get to me". I've not had doctor attention for it. My diagnosis was not by doctors anyway - it was by educators.

The biggest door opening was: plain things that I do for me with huge verve, and thought, and joy (I pick up ideas from books by autistic authors - mainly women incidentally). I think I knew as a child I had ASC (which didn't perturb me), because I read about it in a book when I was 9, and saw the pictures of the children, and thought they were extra cool.

Your doctor perhaps has an overly narrow idea about the roles of doctors and others, and the range that remediation can have. (Your doctor may be subject to "organisational" constraints.) Get using those wonderful building blocks, then see what else serendipity will put in your way.

thank you for replying! i've been reading a lot of books by autistic authors and find them fascinating! also, that's sort of why i'm looking for a diagnosis, or an autism specialist at the least, so i would be able to understand my brain a little better.

 

[Julianne]

Agreed.

If you do a lot of "digging" here, you're likely to discover that that seeking a proper medical diagnosis was anything but a simple and linear process. That for many, they had to seek second- even third opinions to formally determine what well...most of us already knew.

Seek another diagnosis, and if possible through a psychiatrist or neurologist specializing in autism in women. It would seem otherwise that it's just too easy for autistic women to "slip under the radar" given so many involved in diagnostics are so focused on autistic traits and behaviors of males.

Even in my own case as easy in hindsight as it is for me to identify other males of my own kind, it's not at all easy for me to look back and say "Oh yeah- she was on the spectrum too!"

Keep researching...and welcome to Autism Forums.

thank you for replying! i'm not sure why, but i never would've thought to look for someone that specializes in autism in women. this gives me hope for the future.

 

[Julianne]

I would seek a thorough neurocognitive assessment. They take into account many things, to include early childhood. It's not just being quirky or different. Your mom would know a lot even if she has not used the degree because early milestones are important:

C. Symptoms must be present in the early developmental period (but may not become fully manifest until social demands exceed limited capacities or may be masked by learned strategies in later life).

thank you for replying! i think speaking to someone who specializes in autism would be my first step to see if i needed a full assessment! (also, i apologize if i insinuated that being quirky is the same as having autism. that was not my intention and i will definitely be more aware of that.)

 

[Misery]

One thing that creates some troubles with diagnosis, I imagine, is the fact that autism in general manifests differently from one person to the next. It's not like you can go into the doctor and they go "Well, yes, I see your head is on fire, that means you must be burning". It's like the direct opposite... there's this spectrum of confusing and often bizarre traits, yet just having said traits doesnt necessarily mean anything. People who are neurotypical can often have some of those same traits themselves. So, even medical professionals have a hard time dealing with and diagnosing this one, because who knows exactly what it will look like each time?

Like, when I compare the traits you've mentioned to my own, it's interesting as some of them match, but some dont. I find it helpful to compare/contrast things, so I'll go into a bit of detail here:

-Sarcasm: You say you dont understand it, but for me, it's pretty much my entire method of operating. I'm *constantly* sarcastic. Too many Garfield comics growing up, you see. I tend to be easily influenced (which might be another trait). I often hear about people on the spectrum having trouble with sarcasm, but that has always been the opposite for me. I'll keep it turned off (mostly) for the duration of this post though.

-sounds: Oh yes, I know what you mean with these. Some sounds are just too much. And too much volume is overwhelming. It can be nasty, eh? Sometimes it feels like there's no escaping that.

-feelings: Yeah, I understand this. It can be hard to really understand what emotion is there. Though I tend to get it more with physical sensations than emotions.

-special interests: You'll find that almost all of us on this site have these. In my case, when I get one... which is rare... it's usually permanent. I dont generally lose interest in things. But it's also incredibly rare that I get new interests.

-small talk: Yeah this one just gets a NOPE from me in general. I just find it to be a boring waste of time. I simply dont bother. I've never understood the appeal or the point.

-regulating emotion/volume: This one I've not experienced. Generally I'm good at "acting"... just because I'm seeming to be happy and polite doesnt mean I'm not in the mood to stab something. But I know alot of people on the spectrum have alot of trouble with that sort of thing. Emotional outbursts can be frequent for many, and control can be difficult.

-pain sensitivity: You know, I used to have this one. Then my siatica (I think that's what it's called, it's a nerve in the spine or something) flared up for the first time. You want big pain? THAT is big pain. Ended up on the floor, couldnt get up (and I was only like 25 or so when that happened). That event ended up becoming a running theme.... nerve/tendon issues that just cause alot of pain (heck I've had days where I could barely walk). Go through enough of that and you find that you have a dramatically higher pain tolerance than you used to. So this one CAN change... but hopefully you wont be in a position that forces it to.

-clothes: Yep. Same ones, over and over. But also, I've zero sense of style. I dont buy my own clothes... ALL of them are gifts from like Christmas or whatever. And it's all t-shirts and sweatpants, that's all. Sometimes shorts. But there's only like 2 or 3 pairs of each. And I find myself just not caring.

-black and white thinking: Hard to say... I tend to be very abstract in alot of ways, so this one sorta flies over my head.

-remembering things: "Memory" is almost a foreign concept to me. I've got a memory like a cheese grater... full of holes. I can forget things while I'm doing them. It leads to some... odd situations.

-observant: I tend to think alot of people on the spectrum are. But at the same time, I've met plenty that arent. Oddly, EITHER one can cause problems. There is such a thing as being TOO observant, it seems.

-t-rex arms: ARGH I KEEP DOING THIS. It's just like you described. I've always occaisionally done it, but after watching a certain anime a bunch recently, and seeing a certain character do it CONSTANTLY (any anime fans here might know who I'm talking about), I catch myself doing it dramatically more. Since I associate it with that specific character, I call it "that frog pose". Cant. Stop. Doing. It.


Which brings up another trait, and I'd be curious to know how many here share it: I tend to emulate physical behaviors that I see. No, I dont know why. But it's automatic. That blasted pose is just one of about a million examples. Which means I tend to have alot of exaggerated and odd movements and mannerisms. Throws people off sometimes. Fortunately my family and immediate friends have all gotten used to the various bizarre things I randomly do. The frustrating part is that I have alot of trouble keeping myself from doing these things.

I'm sure there's a scientific word for that sort of automatic copying.


As you hang around these forums, you're likely to find out about all sorts of other traits you may not have known that people on the spectrum can have. I think you'll find it interesting, particularly when it comes to comparing/contrasting with what you yourself experience. And you'll find plenty who can sympathize with you in many ways.

As for whether or not you're autistic? Yes, you definitely sound like it to me. Though, I am far from a medical professional. But having met so many on the spectrum, you definitely fit what I recognize as that.

Of course, the real question is how you feel about all of that. For some people, they see their autism as nothing but a burden. While others wouldnt get rid of it even if you gave them the opportunity (I fall into the latter category). I hope you're able to avoid feeling too negative about any of this, as there's nothing at all wrong with any of it.

There, I'm done rambling. For now. Sorry, I'm never concise. Just cant manage it.

 

[Aspychata]

Great you are here. I enjoyed reading your list because it was very concise and direct. It runs in families. Do you think your mom maybe also the same? I think my mom maybe but l am not sure. Never met my father, but he definitely had difficulties holding jobs, staying in college, keeping a relationship. He seem to fail in all of those and l believe even left the country at some point.
More importantly- you have a great attitude and l think this will help you assimilate and feel somewhat relieved. Welcome!

 

[sport]

I like reading your list and [not] being a D.R. mine fell right into autism scored 40 then on RADDS test 106 which dosen't put me high level.Yes you could be.