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No childhood memories

Discussion in 'General Autism Discussion' started by leehart, Nov 7, 2019 at 2:46 PM.

  1. leehart

    leehart Active Member

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    Hi all, I am aware an aspect of recognising autism is to look back at childhood and see if there were patterns. My issue is I don't know! It might sound strange but due to a traumatic childhood I have very few memories of anything in my childhood or teens.

    I know I struggled socially due to bullying and no friendships. Spent a lot of time in fantasy as a younger kid (was often superman flying around...not literally sadly). Some of the bullying was due to socially inappropriate actions. I recall my stepdads nickname for me was the professor because of how I acted but no content to what those actions were.

    My childhood is locked in a box that is tapped up, padlocked, put in a room and I don't think I even have the key for the door now.

    Sorry if this is rambling but I am finding this aspect a bit of an obstacle as I look at my life and traits.
     
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  2. Chrysanthemum

    Chrysanthemum Active Member

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    Sorry to hear this.

    I don’t know that I have had many extremely traumatic events during childhood, but as a 19 year old adult I can barely remember my childhood either (I only remember a few very specific events).
     
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  3. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    Some of the things l remember are things l don't wish too. Like being a toddler and falling face off the loo, climbing up shelves to get crayons taken away as punishment and falling down with all the shelves on me , (alone again). Crying forever in my small bed and nobody would ever come (she did it with my brother too). Being so bored and always alone that l swear l caught flies and ate them. These are very early memories, all bad ones. Maybe better to lock them up and throw away the key. No wonder there isn't much of a relationship with mother dearest!

    My nona told me that if my mom gave me up,she would raise me! Also some family told my mom they would raise me. Whoa, way more then l wanted know in one lifetime.

    Parents can be evil and hurtful and you may deny it until over 50+ years-old!
     
    Last edited: Nov 7, 2019 at 3:30 PM
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  4. Wolf Prince

    Wolf Prince My future job title.

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    I relate. Few to no memories due to trama from various things. Its for the best though.
     
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  5. Peter Morrison

    Peter Morrison Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    When it comes to childhood memories, I can only recall specific incidents, but I cannot put them in chronological order or recall my age when things happened. I am keeping a list of memories that I try to organize if I can remember any special events that can help me confirm when a memory occurred, i.e., movies at the movie theater, the kind of car my parents had, when someone came to visit, or newspaper headlines on or around the time of a memory. Having siblings, I can get some of the dates from them, provided they recall when carpet was put into my room or when relatives from Europe came to visit. Everything that happened between the ages of 10 and 17 seem to have happened all around the same time. I have no reference to changes in maturity, when I started shaving, or when I started driving (likely at 16). There was a time when I played tennis a lot, but I can't recall my age at that time. I suspect that this span of years was when I withdrew into myself more and stopped progressing through the barriers of emotional maturity. I know I was sad, but I don't know why. I don't remember my sister's wedding, even though I was at the ceremony and the reception was held at our house.

    I'm trying to piece it all together, but I don't know what I will learn from it. I maintain the notes whenever I can remember a clue to time and event. Remembering popular songs on the radio helps too. That can trigger a memory.

    I've been able to remember my food aversions and feeling uncomfortable in certain clothes. If you record some of your memories, then tie them together with other events, it might help you focus on the traits you are trying to examine. Research the TV shows from your youth and put yourself back into those days. Something might pop up in your memory.
     
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  6. Fino

    Fino Alex V.I.P Member

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    Perhaps hanging around this forum will help trigger memories. It did for me. Lot of experiences here.
     
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  7. Jenisautistic

    Jenisautistic Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    i also have not many memories although I tend to find this looking back at the past thing in general very hard

    i don't know if its my memory or what but it seams i can not communicate remember or
    even comprehend the past at all even the good parts I'm always caught in the present or resent past and even then can not comprehend or communicate what even happened yesterday or sometimes even describe same day events


    its the same thing with remerbing peoples faces or sometimes even people themselves if I don see them often enough
     
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  8. Progster

    Progster Gone sideways to the sun V.I.P Member

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    My mum remembers quite a few events that I don't recall or have blocked from my mind. She recalls me going to a Bonfire Night school fair, and my having a huge meltdown there, I remember plenty or other meltdowns I had, but not this particular one.
     
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  9. SusanLR

    SusanLR Well-Known Member

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    This seems the opposite of another thread where the question was asked if you could remember
    back to infancy. I wondered if it was an ASD trait.
    I am just the opposite. I remember back to birth like it was yesterday and I'm 62.
    Feels like I've lived two lifetimes with a continuous memory of life like I have.
     
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  10. Aspychata

    Aspychata My Art Work

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    This thread triggered a lot of sadness but l have decided to embrace and not bury it. To dig a grave for all those feelings is not healthy. Then l wanted to ask my mom why she was not there emotionally and l realised l will never know this answer.
     
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