Newly diagnosed with Aspergers at 55 male

[Untapped]

New to this forum.
I can live with recent diagnosis. The diagnosis gives relief and fills in the puzzle in many ways, I been married 30 years, with 4 children family is supportive. My problem when they especially wife tries to help, I push them away and make things worse, like I want to just suffer and be victim. Feeling very screwed up and alone, don't want to keep hurting my family.
By the way I am selfish.
Feedback and guidance welcomed

 

[Gracey]

Hello and welcome
I don't view needing a little space to process information and feelings as selfish or playing the victim card. I personally view it as necessary.

I have to remind my husband (of almost 30 yrs) this is mine to cope with, or find a way to deal with. His opinions and suggestions; whilst good, come from a different perspective to my own. He wants to make life easier for me because he cares but can come across as bossy or trying to fix me.
I'm not broken

 

[Untapped]

I am struggling, the dx helps but my family will ask me questions or inquire about my responses and I feel like my responses are in another language and they see me as not engaging and even questioning if I want to be with them. Feel like a deer in the headlights lots of the time, especially frustrating cause I do pretty well in my work but shone feel incompetent

 

[Streetwise]

welcome to ac

 

[xudo]

Welcome

 

[StephF]

Hi, this is a nice place with plenty of info and people to chat to.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I'm imagining a kind of aspergers age bingo...

45... 55.

Definitely one of the older. Think there's quite a lot between 40 and 60.

Think i remember someone being over 60..

Hoping for 22 (two fat ducks) or 89 (all but)

Not sure if americans will get the references, but welcome!

Maybe you're called selfish.... and aren't really. You seem to have a lot of concern for your family and that's a good thing.

You can find what you need from people on here.

 

[Nitro]

 

[Liam Davies]

Hi - I'm pretty new here too. Undiagnosed but have an appointment with the doctor next week to hopefully begin the process of getting some answers. I can recognise a couple of the things you mentioned. Primarily the pushing people away. I often try to explain to my wife how I feel or the way I see things and I can see that what she is saying is trying to be supportive but it's almost as if as soon as she begins to speak in any supportive way, I find myself getting annoyed by the fact that her responses don't match what I'm trying to say to her. She's very understanding. We had a chat about what it would be like if I were to get a diagnosis and she said we'll carry on as normal. While great in one way, carrying on as normal has been part of the problem and in a way, as someone said on my introductory post here, I'd kind of like to lean into the way of things and perceive it as long untapped potential because I've constantly put myself in ill fitting jobs and situations. Anyway, welcome.

 

[tree]

 

[tw3]

Welcome. You've come to the right place. I'm 73 years old, married 48 years, 5 kids, 9 grandchildren going on 11.
Just found out a few years ago (5?) about being an Aspie. It was comforting to know that I fit in somewhere after a lifetime of feeling like an alien.
This forum has been just right for me as I hope it will be for you also.

 

[Bender5]

Welcome to a great place. I'm 62, and had my eyes opened 5 months ago. I've been trying to decide if I really want an official Dx. I have an eval scheduled in 3 weeks.

 

[Warmheart]

Welcome here, Untapped!

 

[Alaska]

New to this forum.
I can live with recent diagnosis. The diagnosis gives relief and fills in the puzzle in many ways, I been married 30 years, with 4 children family is supportive. My problem when they especially wife tries to help, I push them away and make things worse, like I want to just suffer and be victim. Feeling very screwed up and alone, don't want to keep hurting my family.
By the way I am selfish.
Feedback and guidance welcomed

Hi Untapped. Welcome to AC!!!

Please do not put yourself down by doing things like calling yourself selfish. I have this story I tell myself and others that helps me and others say it helps them too.

When you fly on an airplane you get the obligatory stewardess schpiel about oxygen masks in an emergency. They tell you to put on your own oxygen mask first, before you try to help someone else with theirs.

Life is much like an airplane crisis. You need to take care of yourself before you can help anyone else. That is not selfish. Life can be hard enough without telling yourself discouraging things.

 

[Mia]