New life situation

[Aneka]

So right now I'm in a new place doing my internship. People are more accepting and friendly so far but still some physical and psychological symptoms are mainfesting. I know this job is nothing for me but I see this internship as my last chance to at least finish my training. Regardless of the outcome, I will move on to something involvig far less people. Some symptoms are less of a problem and more of an embarrassment. Others are a big problem because it affects my fuctionality in this job.

• decline in verbal skills
  
• getting too invested in details
• being told that I need to work on my voice because it's too monotone
• constantly being on edge, unable to relax
• unintentionally interrupting conversations
  
• reacting when other people are being addressed
• extreme tiredness. I manage my workload but once I'm home and have done basic chores I'm really done for the day. I've been having microsleep in my car and am considering taking the bus (which means I'd need to rise ap. 1 hour earlier)

 

[watersprite]

Sounds exhausting.
Are you taking good care of yourself, as far as food, water, sleep?

 

[Neonatal RRT]

I am not sure, but what you are describing sounds like "autistic burnout". @watersprite asks a good question regarding your self care. As I am writing this, I am feeling pretty much as you're describing. Too much stress, long hours, not enough time to do the things I want, etc. I was doing a literature search on brain edema,...which is what it feels like right now inside my skull,...and sure enough, autistics are known to have this. It's difficult to mask and act with "appropriate" social interaction when my head feels "heavy" and hot. I have found carbohydrates and caffeine can really aggravate things, and can cause my sensory issues to act up more than usual and I get less verbal,...probably because I feel like crap. I was stupid a few days ago and grabbed one of those "energy drinks" at work,...240mg caffeine,...and someone brought in some awesome baked goods into the breakroom,...dear Lord,...a few hours and my head was about to explode. My head is still feeling the after effects 2 days later. The details, the voice modulation, interrupting conversations (especially when facts are not correct),...that's just plain old autism in my opinion,...I haven't figured out a way around that yet.

I can go on and on about how we have to take care of our brains,...much more than other people,...but, admittedly it is a challenge in daily life. Those sweet holiday treats,...love them going down the hatch,...but later,...I pay for it. Stay away from the caffeine, drink plenty of water, avoid the carbs,...and get some sleep.

 

[Aspychata]

I have to use caffeine to get things done. But l have also worked a lot on emotional regulation this past year. You are kinda stuck, you kinda have to , gotta ride this out so you can get to the next step in your life. Full-time paying employment. This will be your reward or not.

The first part of the employment journey is rough. Some of us don't ever get on to well paying jobs. Some of us limp thru life grabbing jobs that just help us get by. Good luck. Try to stick it out.

 

[Aneka]

Sounds exhausting.
Are you taking good care of yourself, as far as food, water, sleep?

I'm trying. I have started taking valerian, hoping it will help. I need to lower my stress levels, no one can function in panic mode.

 

[Aneka]

I am not sure, but what you are describing sounds like "autistic burnout". @watersprite asks a good question regarding your self care. As I am writing this, I am feeling pretty much as you're describing. Too much stress, long hours, not enough time to do the things I want, etc. I was doing a literature search on brain edema,...which is what it feels like right now inside my skull,...and sure enough, autistics are known to have this. It's difficult to mask and act with "appropriate" social interaction when my head feels "heavy" and hot. I have found carbohydrates and caffeine can really aggravate things, and can cause my sensory issues to act up more than usual and I get less verbal,...probably because I feel like crap. I was stupid a few days ago and grabbed one of those "energy drinks" at work,...240mg caffeine,...and someone brought in some awesome baked goods into the breakroom,...dear Lord,...a few hours and my head was about to explode. My head is still feeling the after effects 2 days later. The details, the voice modulation, interrupting conversations (especially when facts are not correct),...that's just plain old autism in my opinion,...I haven't figured out a way around that yet.

I can go on and on about how we have to take care of our brains,...much more than other people,...but, admittedly it is a challenge in daily life. Those sweet holiday treats,...love them going down the hatch,...but later,...I pay for it. Stay away from the caffeine, drink plenty of water, avoid the carbs,...and get some sleep.

Good thing I'm not drinking any coffee. I'm actually allergic It's not the caffeine, I don't react to any other kind of caffeinated drink.