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Need help proposing

L

Love My Aspie

New Member
My other half and I have been together 9 years. I'm in addiction recovery and she's aspie, meaning we've had our rough patches but we have come through stronger. I am dying to propose and have been looking at rings but I am terrified. See, she has a hard time answering questions when she's put on the spot. When I ask what she wants for dinner, it's no big deal, but asking her to marry me and seeing and feeling that pause will be so hard. What is a way I can pop the question without that pause making me feel so much doubt that I panic? Help!
 
Love My Aspie said:
she has a hard time answering questions when she's put on the spot.
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Most people do, Aspie or not. That's the thing though, pressuring someone to answer right away is too, and it means that they are being pushed to answer, and not being honest but pressured into it.

Ask the question certainly, but in doing so ask her to 'think about it' or sleep on it. You might be nervous that you have to wait, but you will get honesty and free will as a result.
 
If it was me, I would really appreciate if you gave me some very obvious hints about whats on your mind so I have time to assimilate it for a couple of days. Then the experience would be positive and I wouldn't have a panic attack when it happens (some aspies/auties really don't like or can't cope with sudden change).
 
anthoskate said:
If it was me, I would really appreciate if you gave me some very obvious hints about whats on your mind so I have time to assimilate it for a couple of days. Then the experience would be positive and I wouldn't have a panic attack when it happens (some aspies/auties really don't like or can't cope with sudden change).
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To jump off of this, how long have you been considering? Have you guys talked about it?
 
I don't know, maybe you could write her a really romantic love letter and leave it for her to find. Then once she made up her mind she'd let you know. Good luck to both of you!
 
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