My son may have aspergers/high-functioning autism. So I had a few questions

[jelly.bean]

If you want to skip to the end and not go through his list of symptoms, feel free. At the bottom I'll have a question labeled "General question" for people who skip the symptoms list.

My son is 4, here's the list of symptoms that have us suspecting that he's on the spectrum:

• arm-flapping many times a day and opening his mouth wide (sometimes jumping too), whenever he's excited, sometimes when he's mad or sad too
• used echolalia for a looong time, only stopped a bit before he turned four
• struggles with social skills with kids his age (is more comfortable with adults or kids a year younger than himself)
• has extremely good memory, and learning abilities (advanced in math skills, reading, and anything to do with memorization)
• is delayed in gross motor skills, for example, couldn't jump without falling over until almost 4 years old after getting physical therapy. He also moves much more carefully and less confidently than his friends.
• Likes to click his tongue and make beat-box sounds while humming all throughout the day (not sure if this is a form of stimming)
• can use basic language, and can say lots of words, but having conversation is extremely hard for him. He doesn't ask why or how. Didn't start saying no or arguing until recently. Has only recently barely been able to start figuring out how to answer the question "what did you do today?" Almost seems like there's some sort of wall keeping him from having regular conversations. He can "speak" great, but conversations and complex language structure are another story.
• has trouble paying attention when talked to. Can be rather "spacey". We had him tested for absence seizures because he stares off so much and we were worried
• he can be focused on the same toy for hours.
• does NOT like being wet. Baths are okay, but if he spills a drop of something on himself, or has a slightly runny nose, he wants it wiped up immediately. He went to a water party with other kids his age a couple months ago and I just knew he'd have a hard time with it. He didn't even get in the kiddie pool, and stayed near the patio. When he was unexpectedly sprayed by a water gun, he started crying. Same thing later when he got wet again unexpectedly. He's also always been a picky eater.

Things that make it hard to tell if he has asd since they don't match some of the "typical signs" you hear of for asd:
- he makes eye contact with adults just fine. He gets more uncomfortable with eye contact with kids his own age however.
- understands basic emotions
- he likes to be cuddled and is fine with touching
- I don't think he has meltdowns/tantrums more often than a normal 4 year old but I could be wrong (he has around 2-6 a week)
- he acts mostly like other kids his age, besides all the above things.

So one of my main questions is, could he be on the spectrum? I'm going to look into having him tested but I thought I'd ask around and see what others think. We have suspected he might have high-fucntioning autism for a while, but kept thinking we were over-worrying. However, his preschool teacher (who has a son on the spectrum) and a lady at church (who has several children on the spectrum both said they suspect he could be as well.

General question: not making eye contact is usually seen as a big sign for autism, but are there people with it who can make eye contact? My son (who I suspect may have aspergers) makes eye contact with adults but has a harder time with kids his own age. He also is okay with physical contact. So forgive me for sounding naive, but can you be on the spectrum and be okay with physical contact and eye contact? I have tried to google search this and it wasn't much help. Thank you for anyone who responds, I really appreciate it!

 

[Ambi]

He may be on the spectrum, even if he's not, you can be close to being on the spectrum and share some of the traits to a greater or lesser degree. Either way, the info that can help understand these symptoms and how to help him will be useful for you, imho.

 

[the_tortoise]

Quote from this article from the Indiana Resource Center for Autism:

"Some people who have autism actively avoid eye contact and appear confused and anxious when it occurs. Some seemed to make eye contact relatively early but later reported they were actually looking at something that fascinated them (such as their reflection in one's eyeglasses). When cued "Look at me," some make eye contact that recipients experience more as a staring gaze than as a communicative exchange. Some gradually learn to make eye contact and to read simple meanings that they have come to understand through experiences with what happens to them when a particular person's eyes have a specific look.

Mothers often report that their family member who has autism watches his mother's eyes and, having had experience with certain looks before, anticipates what is coming next. Few mothers report having a sense of sharing mutually meaningful socioemotional messages through such encounters. Some folks who have autism gradually learn to think about social expectations around eye contact and to make an effort to use it periodically. Many appear to become more adept at making eye contact as comfort and competencies in social situations increase. Some report that their ability to make eye contact depends on context. For example, when an individual is comfortable and feeling relatively competent, he may be able to tolerate such exchanges. When in confusingly complex, overloading and other anxiety prompting situations, the same individual may overtly avoid eye contact. Some individuals appear to use eye contact from a young age; it is difficult to determine the extent to which those individuals are able to read subtle social messages that are typically conveyed via the eyes."​

Also see this article written by an autistic kid's mom: "Proof: Autism & eye contact not always mutually exclusive"

In my own case, I was a very physically affectionate child (when I wanted to be/on my terms) and I enjoyed rough-housing/wrestling.

I can't say I have ever had normal eye contact, but that doesn't mean I absolutely never make(/made) eye contact nor that I actively avoid(/ed) it. In my case the lessened eye contact is mostly about being unable to look at people while simultaneously listening to them speak (or speaking to them -- either way).

 

[NothingToSeeHere]

Things that make it hard to tell if he has asd since they don't match some of the "typical signs" you hear of for asd:
- he makes eye contact with adults just fine. He gets more uncomfortable with eye contact with kids his own age however.
- understands basic emotions
- he likes to be cuddled and is fine with touching
- I don't think he has meltdowns/tantrums more often than a normal 4 year old but I could be wrong (he has around 2-6 a week)
- he acts mostly like other kids his age, besides all the above things.

So one of my main questions is, could he be on the spectrum? I'm going to look into having him tested but I thought I'd ask around and see what others think. We have suspected he might have high-fucntioning autism for a while, but kept thinking we were over-worrying. However, his preschool teacher (who has a son on the spectrum) and a lady at church (who has several children on the spectrum both said they suspect he could be as well.

General question: not making eye contact is usually seen as a big sign for autism, but are there people with it who can make eye contact? My son (who I suspect may have aspergers) makes eye contact with adults but has a harder time with kids his own age. He also is okay with physical contact. So forgive me for sounding naive, but can you be on the spectrum and be okay with physical contact and eye contact? I have tried to google search this and it wasn't much help. Thank you for anyone who responds, I really appreciate it!

I've never had any problem making eye contact. I sometimes forget that I'm supposed to when I'm concentrating on a conversation, but it doesn't make me uncomfortable and my mum says that I made normal eye contact as a child. I have normal empathy, was an extremely physically affectionate child, have never been prone to tantrums (I tend to shut down rather than meltdown), and was normal enough that noone thought I might be on the spectrum until I was an adult. Adults just said that I was "a dreamer" and "very shy" and "highly intelligent, making it difficult to relate to my peers". I'm now diagnosed with Aspergers Syndrome.

If you think he might be on the spectrum (and the 'symptoms' you listed sound like he might be), then getting him tested is probably a good idea. Few aspies have all the traits of autism, and we display them in different and sometimes subtle ways.

 

[WereBear]

I think using Autism Coping Strategies like removing stressors and giving kids less pressure to conform will help almost anyone, frankly. If a child responds to a more individualized relationship, instead of constantly getting them to "perform and conform" it's all to the good, no matter what else might follow.

 

[pjcnet]

From the traits it sounds likely that he is on the autistic spectrum and it's common not to have all the usual traits, for instance I have excellent motor skills, I passed my driving test at 17 years old (the youngest legal age in the UK) and drove for close to 25 years most days without having a single accident (I can't drive now due to health issues, mainly sleep apnea where treatment has been less than successful). Flapping his arms with his mouth open wide is a particular giveaway as this is something that as far as I know only autistic people do including my autistic brother for instance. Unlike your son however my brother happens to be low functioning and still does this even as an adult, he also makes odd noises while doing this too, it's difficult for me to describe accurately without you actually hearing it, but it sounds a bit like he's saying the sound of a letter "a" repeatedly. Not all autistic people "flap" however and some also overcome it as they get older.

Your son is definitely not low functioning as he wouldn't be good at maths and reading, my brother (well in fact both of them) can't for instance read, tell the time, add 2+2 or even count to 5, they're both in their 40's at the time of writing and will need constant care for the rest of their lives. This is obviously good news for yourself as even if your son is autistic, he still has every chance to succeed in life on the higher end of the spectrum, especially with the right support and he will most likely excel in a special interest when he gets older. Also autistic people are usually of at least above average intelligence (autism has it's advantages too).