My mom has covid

[oregano]

My mom has started to go to her social club meetings again because she thought covid was over. The last meeting she went to, half the women got covid, and now she has it too. She says she will get over it, but she has sounded worse and worse over the last couple days and now she isn't answering her phone.

I tried telling her that I was buying land and putting a tiny home on it because she wouldn't be around forever, and she would say "just rent a room, it's not that expensive". I tried telling her that a room in a big house full of people is just not doable for me, plus the rent is much higher than she thinks, and she said "you'll get used to it, it's not that bad". Now she might die, and I am fortunate I didn't listen to her because I would be homeless, and the four other people living in RV's on her land will be homeless too. At least I will have a place to live other than a tent in a park.

She has gaslighted me over every decision I've made to be independent since I was 18 (I am 48 now) because she thought I was too crazy and incompetent to live by myself. My parents refused to do anything with my old room for three years after I left because they were certain I would come crawling home. It didn't happen, yet she has always wanted to keep me under her thumb. I tried telling her of autistics who lived at home all their lives and then suddenly their parents were gone and they had no idea how to function in the world and were out on the streets among some really evil predators, and she would brush it off. Right now I have a $800 car repair bill that came from nowhere (which I will talk about in another thread) and she is having to cover it. She also had to take out a loan for my mouth surgeries. What do I do when she is gone and I get another big bill?

 

[Aspychata]

First let's just focus on you. That's so important. That you moved out. To make money? Congrats on thinking far enough to move out. You didn't hang out in sorrow and denial. I am really proud of you. You are a success story, even though it may not feel that way.

 

[Au Naturel]

When she is gone, will you inherit anything? Say you inherit a house. You sell the house and keep the money in the bank as a safety cushion. Keep the principal intact and use the interest for living expenses. You will want to talk to a professional about it. You may be able to get legal assistance from the state or a "pro bono" organization and not pay any fees.

 

[Aspychata]

Find free dental. It does exist. Find a skill to do remotely perhaps. File for foodstamps to conserve money.

 

[oregano]

Food stamps for a single male in California are $23/mo, and they make you "work" for them, which usually means such stuff as picking up roadside trash. Not worth it. The dental involved having all my teeth removed, now they only thing left is to install the implants which is scheduled for around July 1. She owns a house, I am not sure how much equity there is but it is in a desirable area.

 

[Mary Terry]

Try to get medical care for your mom immediately. Covid can be hard for the elderly.

If you have a formal autism diagnosis from a doctor, apply for social security disability funds. Find a lawyer who specializes in disability claims. His/her legal fee will be paid from the disability payments you are awarded.

You may qualify for EBT (food stamps) so apply for it even if it is less money than you want. Why walk away from $23 per month? I'm never heard of federal EBT monies being dependent on "work" but maybe your state benefits require that.

Apply for Medicaid for medical benefits.

Glad to hear from you again, @oregano . I hope you're still making progress on your little house.

 

[tree]

Food stamps for a single male in California are $23/mo, and they make you "work" for them, which usually means such stuff as picking up roadside trash. Not worth it. The dental involved having all my teeth removed, now they only thing left is to install the implants which is scheduled for around July 1. She owns a house, I am not sure how much equity there is but it is in a desirable area.

SNAP Eligibility Calculator - 50 State Food Stamp Prescreener

Find out if you may be eligible for food stamps and an estimated amount of benefits you could receive.

www.snapscreener.com

SNAP benefits in California 2023: How much money do you have to make a month to qualify?

Low-income Californian households can be eligible to receive monthly payments to cover the cost of food if they earn under a certain threshold.

en.as.com

 

[oregano]

I talked to my mom this morning, she was prescribed paxlovid yesterday evening, she took one and slept for a while. Today she is sounding better. In case anybody is wondering, yes she has all her covid vax shots.

 

[Aspychata]

That's good to hear. That had to be stressful for you. Glad she is improving. You have come so far.

 

[Rodafina]

@oregano
I’m glad you are getting good advice from others on how to manage finances, and it is an important thing to consider going forward.

I would also encourage you to use this time and this realization of your mother’s mortality to make sure that you are creating the best relationship with her possible. By that, I mean that this is your opportunity to have calm and meaningful conversation, reminiscing on the life that you have shared together.

I’m sure that things have not been perfect but when one is sick, aging, and realizing none of us is here for long, it is a real opportunity to make sure you say the things you want to say and listen to the things they may want to say.

I can only imagine that your mother is having strong feelings about her situation now. She clearly cares about you, even if she has not always been able to show it in a way that you are able to receive. But, illness and aging are difficult things and sometimes that can change people’s perspectives on things. I would encourage you to take this time, not to think so much about money, but think about the relationship with your mother and what you would like it to be before she passes.

 

[Aspychata]

I of course will take a different route. Your mother did not support your wish to be independent. Yet you pursued this and accomplished this. I can only hope that she has accepted this and you. However, since l live in a very negative image that exists only in my aging mother's mind, l can understand sometimes parents can trigger us and it's hard to be around them. You sound less stressed since you have been on your own. I think it's only normal to worry about expenses, and l don't judge your capacity of care just because you are trying to survive. Survival is the most important thing and you do have your priorities straight. You do care about your mother and this is obvious. @oregano

I never feel it's wise to pass moral judgments on people, because at a forum, you truly don't know the specifics of any given situation.

 

[SusanLR]

Glad to hear from you @oregano .
You've made it with your first step with living on your own.
It's good to think ahead on the other things you mentioned.
I see a lot of good advice on here. You have to keep planning and looking into all
the different possibilities.

I know what you're talking about with the EBT (food stamps).
We have something like that in Florida also.
If you are under a certain age and not disabled, you have to be working.
They even offer a place to help you find work.
So, I understand what you mean.

You've got the building blocks now for surviving. That gives you strength.
Hang in there, take the best care possible and keep digging in on different leads.
Good luck to ya!