I just remembered I had this file saved. I hope it will help:
How to Relate to Someone Who has Asperger's Syndrome
1. Study to learn as much as you can about Asperger's Syndrome and Autism in general. If you happen to know someone who has Asperger's Syndrome, you might want to find ways to relate to him/her socially. Before you can, you have to know as much about it as possible. Try to understand from those who write about it and deal with it, especially from those who are diagnosed with the disorder. You can learn things from reading books or watching documentaries on Asperger’s Syndrome. This will give you a clear insight on how it works and what you can do to relate to someone with Asperger’s Syndrome.
2. Use your association with the person to learn what s/he will tolerate in regard to social interaction. Often people with Asperger's are easily overloaded, and since social give-and-take is more effort for them, they are easily tired, and don't find gracious ways of indicating that. But the sense of a connection with you is very important to them.
- You will see in your friend a tendency to say or do things that are socially inappropriate at the time, such as saying something out loud most people have learned to keep in their heads, getting too close to someone else, or cutting in line -- this is because they don't see the larger social picture, most of the time, and don't understand what other people are thinking or feeling. You can tell them, if you can do so without judgment -- we can't cut the line here; all these other people have been waiting.
- People with Asperger's are not closed off socially like some people with classic Autism are. Asperger's is a high-functioning condition, and the people who have Asperger's typically have normal language skills and near-normal development skills. However, many of those with Asperger's may find it hard to strike up a conversation when first encountering a one to one situation. It helps them to be able to talk about their interests, and for you to share your own without being asked (people with Asperger's might not think to ask).
3. Don't treat your friend any differently than you want to be treated. It's embarrassing and insulting. Approaching, attempting conversation, sitting next to, introducing to others, etc. as if the person is any different is not only ignorant, it is grossly disrespectful, and expresses a careless disregard for the other person's feelings. Don't think s/he won't notice.
4. Talk to your friend like you would talk to anyone else. As you do, you will pick up on clues regarding what s/he is comfortable with. Use those clues to direct your behavior.
5. Don't lay your emotions bare to your Aspergian friend. Telling him/her how you feel, even when you think it's patently obvious, is a social skill used commonly, but don't expect him/her to do the same. This sort of interaction is so foreign that it is frightening. If you are going to get "touchy feely" let your friend take the lead. Always ask before you hug your Asperger's friend. If they say "no," respect that.
6. If you feel that s/he is acting strangely, don't draw attention to it unless it is dangerous or you can see that it is drawing attention that might get them into trouble. You can say something that you would say to anyone else, if you do it in a friendly way, such as "that's bothering me," or "please don't do that." If there is enough humor and affection in your relationship and/or your tone, you can tell them "that looks a little odd." If they ask why, explain without condescension, the way you might explain to a new driver how to merge onto a highway -- people with Asperger's don't pick up on such things, as smart as they may be. Although some behaviors are out of the ordinary, they are usually not serious.
7. You can introduce them to your other friends and try to keep everyone getting along. They may act differently in the presence of your friends, or their friends. They may simply not get along. Don't try to force them to get along with your friends. They will probably be most outgoing only when encountered one-on-one.
Tips
- Above all, be a friend. No one is more aware of the social differences between you than s/he is.
- A person who is shy, but generally not considered disordered will take a little while to adjust to social environments. We call that a shell, and when these people become outgoing and comfortable we say 'They have come out of their shell.' People with Asperger's aren't in a shell that they can be pulled out of. Let them adjust on their own, or not at all.
- Use caution when getting close to people with Asperger's simply because they develop relationships differently. You will find that you will develop a liking for him/her just the same as you would anyone else. Just don't push it.
- As in all forms of Autism, Asperger's affects everyone differently. Don't try to keep a catalog in your head of 'when he does this, I need to do this' or 'when she says this, I need to do this.' You used that technique when you were little and learning subconscious social actions, but you don't need it now.
- Treat people with Asperger's as you would anyone else.
That's some great advise. I know what most of her likes and dislikes are and i'm pretty sure that she knows i'm here for her.
