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My diagnosis ruined much of my life and I don't know what to do....

But the problem remains this: It is still causing me massive pain, which I believe is really a manifestation of post traumatic stress disorder. I am absolutely terrified of going to see a mental healthcare provider.

It definitely seems like you're suffering from post traumatic stress due to the way people treated you when you were younger. Given your past experiences and the difficulty convincing a mental health provider that other mental health providers caused your post traumatic stress, you may be better off treating yourself using self-help books written by mental healthcare providers such as this one: The PTSD Workbook: Simple, Effective Techniques for Overcoming Traumatic Stress Symptoms: Williams PhD LCSW CTS, Mary Beth, Poijula PhD, Soili: 9781626253704: Amazon.com: Books
 
It’s not always easy to accept a diagnosis. I was diagnosed as a teenager. Under the law, parents have control to make the decisions medically during this age. Suffice to say, my psych wanted me to be told, my mom did not. However, I still remember where and what I was doing when during an argument with me upset that I had failed and wanted to know why I kept failing, she snapped and told me. Not the way I should have been told. I found it difficult to find some acceptance. I felt like an outsider, that I was weird. That I was obvious. That I would never be normal. and for a teenage girl, thats pretty much what you want. I was also out of school because of severe bullying and I had additional issues like anxiety, depression and had made a suicide attempt. In addition, It didn’t really help that my mom made it extremely difficult to feel accepted with it because she doesn’t like anyone who is outside her expected normal. It wasn’t really until I went To university and met others that I finally accepted it as part of myself. And even then it doesn’t define me.

Do you know what it is like to be talked at like you're a sign of a major defect in society?
Yes. some people seem to have this weird approach to dealing with people who have a difference. I’ve been spoken to like I’m an idiot (I’m only partially an idiot)), I’ve been completely dropped my friends because they equate ASD to certain stereotypes. But they do this regardless to people. To those with physical disabilities, I’ve seen how people approachEd a former friend who was in a wheel chair, and as a form of “help“, took her handles and wheeled her across the road. These people are ignorant and will always be ignorant.

However, I’ve seen also good approaches in people too. one Example I will use is that I taught a class of grade 6 children. There was a child with an obvious disability. They often would include her, help her and encourage her without me having to tell them. I was very impressed by how they approached this. Especially compared to how I’ve seen some adults approach a similar situation.
The diagnosis robs us of our humanity, our dignity and our worth. Nobody deserves that.
Only if you let it. Remember , it Doesn’t fully define you. It may for some others, and that’s ok with how they take it but it doesn’t rob you.
 

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