kityoume
Well-Known Member
In recent months I have been in a relationship with a guy who seems to be on the autism spectrum. He is not very talkative, although I enjoy spending time with him - we have common tastes and interests, I like his tactility and kindness. But we have disagreements because he does not like to have long intimate conversations, and I am talkative.
Usually I chat with my friends and that is enough for me, but I feel a lack of spiritual closeness with my partner and a feeling that I cannot get to know him as a person. He talks little, that is, he is not silent all the time, but he answers in monosyllables and mainly likes to talk about technology and electronics, and not about people, their feelings and relationships. When I want to tell him something about my feelings or experiences, he answers with just one word.
I asked him if he was ignoring me and if it was because he was simply tired of me, he said that it was only because he didn't like to talk. Sometimes I am overcome with the horror of loneliness, it seems to me that because he is so taciturn it is easier for him not to get attached to me completely and it is easier for him to leave me.
Because of an argument about the fact that I spoke out and wanted to get support and he did not answer me in sufficient detail, he suggested that we break up because, according to him, he is such a person and will never change this and he himself does not know why this is happening.
Why can't autistics have long, heart-to-heart conversations? I think they might just be contemptuous of not wanting to do it and not caring what others feel, it's easier for them to dump you on top of not wanting to bother talking to you.
That guy claims he doesn't want to, he just can't, but I don't understand why? Maybe I'm just not important or interesting enough to him? Is it worth ending the relationship because of this? It's hard for me to end this relationship because I'm already attached and because there are so many other things I like and I haven't had this experience before so I'm not sure how much effort and time it will take to find a partner like that, it might not be that easy and ultimately he will still have flaws. But on the other hand, it's really hard for me to feel detached because of this guy's taciturnity.
Usually I chat with my friends and that is enough for me, but I feel a lack of spiritual closeness with my partner and a feeling that I cannot get to know him as a person. He talks little, that is, he is not silent all the time, but he answers in monosyllables and mainly likes to talk about technology and electronics, and not about people, their feelings and relationships. When I want to tell him something about my feelings or experiences, he answers with just one word.
I asked him if he was ignoring me and if it was because he was simply tired of me, he said that it was only because he didn't like to talk. Sometimes I am overcome with the horror of loneliness, it seems to me that because he is so taciturn it is easier for him not to get attached to me completely and it is easier for him to leave me.
Because of an argument about the fact that I spoke out and wanted to get support and he did not answer me in sufficient detail, he suggested that we break up because, according to him, he is such a person and will never change this and he himself does not know why this is happening.
Why can't autistics have long, heart-to-heart conversations? I think they might just be contemptuous of not wanting to do it and not caring what others feel, it's easier for them to dump you on top of not wanting to bother talking to you.
That guy claims he doesn't want to, he just can't, but I don't understand why? Maybe I'm just not important or interesting enough to him? Is it worth ending the relationship because of this? It's hard for me to end this relationship because I'm already attached and because there are so many other things I like and I haven't had this experience before so I'm not sure how much effort and time it will take to find a partner like that, it might not be that easy and ultimately he will still have flaws. But on the other hand, it's really hard for me to feel detached because of this guy's taciturnity.