Angel123
Active Member
Hi everyone.
I'm new to the forums here and mainly joined because I am hoping that some of you might be able to give me either some insight into what's the logic with my aspie friend or some advice on how to go with this situation that has arisen.
As a bit of background, I'm an NT (25yo) and my friend is Aspie (19 going on 20yo). We've both said to each other that we really enjoy each others company and specifically, he's told me that he likes how patient I am with him and flag stuff automatically that he finds difficult to understand (ie when I'm being sarcastic). Also, pretty much the entire time I have known him he has given me cuddles, picked me up, patted me, hugs me, and lots of other general touching. This is significant because he is renowned for hating people touching him and freezes up whenever someone does, but I'm the exception - he lets me touch him most of the time and has said that he finds it strange because he's never let anyone do that before.
What has thrown me is that he's told me that he really likes me and wants to date me BUT isn't going to because of his parents perceptions of relationships with people not the same age. To make things more complicated he's told me that when he told his parents about me they started making out that I was some kind of sexual predator because of my age, even though they have never met me. On top of this, I have always known that he had liked a girl who goes to his uni who is the same age as him but hadn't done anything about it because he literally can't be at ease with this girl - because of this I had basically friend zoned myself because I didn't want to play games per se (I take an incredibly long time to warm up to people, let alone realise whether I like someone more than a friend, and act on that). He's also told me that if he does start dating someone he's going to stop even friendly hugs, which is upsetting for me because hugging is a major way I communicate with my friends and people I care about that I care for them.
So, ever since he told me he liked me in a romantic sort of way I haven't known what to do. I have talked to him about it, particularly how I'm uncomfortable about (what feels like) living on borrowed time with hugs etc and how I'm upset that I've been sidelined for what seems to me to be a silly reason. I'm confused because he agrees its a silly reason but keeps saying he doesn't want to date because he's worried about other peoples perception of the age difference (which I don't consider much and he is generally mature for his age). He's also said that he doesn't want to stopping cuddling either and said that if social conventions didn't exist he would date me.
We have also talked about what to do now that this is a problem (for me but I think he is a bit frustrated about it too), but none of the solutions we have come up with we are happy with - he still wants physical contact as do I but I'm uncomfortable with it now, he doesn't want me to disappear from his life, I want to just see what happens but he is uncomfortable with that in case it ends up in dating land.
Does anyone have any advice for how to handle this? He is meaningful to me and I am loathe to hurt him or push him to the point that he retreats.
I would appreciate any suggestions
I'm new to the forums here and mainly joined because I am hoping that some of you might be able to give me either some insight into what's the logic with my aspie friend or some advice on how to go with this situation that has arisen.
As a bit of background, I'm an NT (25yo) and my friend is Aspie (19 going on 20yo). We've both said to each other that we really enjoy each others company and specifically, he's told me that he likes how patient I am with him and flag stuff automatically that he finds difficult to understand (ie when I'm being sarcastic). Also, pretty much the entire time I have known him he has given me cuddles, picked me up, patted me, hugs me, and lots of other general touching. This is significant because he is renowned for hating people touching him and freezes up whenever someone does, but I'm the exception - he lets me touch him most of the time and has said that he finds it strange because he's never let anyone do that before.
What has thrown me is that he's told me that he really likes me and wants to date me BUT isn't going to because of his parents perceptions of relationships with people not the same age. To make things more complicated he's told me that when he told his parents about me they started making out that I was some kind of sexual predator because of my age, even though they have never met me. On top of this, I have always known that he had liked a girl who goes to his uni who is the same age as him but hadn't done anything about it because he literally can't be at ease with this girl - because of this I had basically friend zoned myself because I didn't want to play games per se (I take an incredibly long time to warm up to people, let alone realise whether I like someone more than a friend, and act on that). He's also told me that if he does start dating someone he's going to stop even friendly hugs, which is upsetting for me because hugging is a major way I communicate with my friends and people I care about that I care for them.
So, ever since he told me he liked me in a romantic sort of way I haven't known what to do. I have talked to him about it, particularly how I'm uncomfortable about (what feels like) living on borrowed time with hugs etc and how I'm upset that I've been sidelined for what seems to me to be a silly reason. I'm confused because he agrees its a silly reason but keeps saying he doesn't want to date because he's worried about other peoples perception of the age difference (which I don't consider much and he is generally mature for his age). He's also said that he doesn't want to stopping cuddling either and said that if social conventions didn't exist he would date me.
We have also talked about what to do now that this is a problem (for me but I think he is a bit frustrated about it too), but none of the solutions we have come up with we are happy with - he still wants physical contact as do I but I'm uncomfortable with it now, he doesn't want me to disappear from his life, I want to just see what happens but he is uncomfortable with that in case it ends up in dating land.
Does anyone have any advice for how to handle this? He is meaningful to me and I am loathe to hurt him or push him to the point that he retreats.
I would appreciate any suggestions