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My 6yr old

Discussion in 'Introduce Yourself' started by Mummyoftwo20062012, Aug 24, 2019.

  1. Mummyoftwo20062012

    Mummyoftwo20062012 New Member

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    Good evening,
    So I'm brand new on here and dont know where to start really.
    Me and my husband have had a long and incredibly hard journey with our son so far. He will be 7 in a few months and is the youngest of our two boys.
    When I only had my eldest he was perfectly behaved and I blamed parents for 'naughty' kids.. boy was I wrong.
    Since about 18months to 2yrs old our youngest started out with the worst of what appeared to be tantrums. From then up until now to cut a long story shorter we have a hard to describe love for animals, small children and teddies, to the point if there is a dog across the road he would try run right over and cuddle it. If we are in a pub and there is noise, in a queue in a theme park, or the class gets loud at school he will put his fingers in his ears and even hum sometimes to block things out. When he's cross he screams and I mean really screams and the same when he is frustrated. Education wise he is at least a year ahead of what he should be at school. I can ask him to do something 8+ times and he doesn't acknowledge me or ignores me and sometimes. He has an answer or an explanation for everything and sometimes when I explain something he will correct me as to why he is right and I dont always have an answer because he is right but shouldn't do what he is doing anyway. He struggles when children his age are being silly or saying things that kids say because I'm his words 'that just doesn't make sense'.
    What I'm after is advice. Is this leaking towards Aspergers or something along the autism spectrum?
    He is such a kind polite and clever little boy but behaviourally and listening wise my husband and at times myself can feel very frustrated and he can then become upset as he doesn't appear to understand what he has done.
    Any advice is greatly appreciated and I dont care for judgement so hold back please.
    So far we havent taken steps with the school or GP as it's only now becoming more apparent to us that there is an issue.

    Many thanks
     
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  2. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    Welcome to Autism Forums!
     
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  3. Nitro

    Nitro Admin/Immoral Turpitude Staff Member Admin V.I.P Member

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    Hi Mummyoftwo

    welcome to af.png
     
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  4. tree

    tree Blue/Green Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    upload_2019-8-24_15-55-23.png
     
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  5. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    Quite a bit of that stuff is things that I recognize from my own childhood.

    One thing that really needs to be understood... and which alot of parents have trouble with... is that alot of us on the spectrum are wired differently. We have very different ways of thinking that deviate heavily from the norm. And some aspects that are present in "normal" people might be outright missing or even reversed. For instance, most people have this odd instinctive desire to join up with groups of others... like kids forming "cliques" in highschool, that sort of thing. Well, in my case, I immediately declared that to be bloody stupid, and never even considered doing it. Could not have cared less. What is a natural desire for others is outright repulsive to me. Still is. Caused quite a bit of conflict back then, as my mom always thought I was supposed to be socializing and dealing with the other kids and blah blah blah. That I just wasnt interested wasnt understood by her, and just sort of bounced off of her whenever I tried to explain.

    And that's part of the problem: Each side has trouble understanding the other. Like, that bit that you mention here: "I can ask him to do something 8+ times and he doesn't acknowledge me or ignores me and sometimes. He has an answer or an explanation for everything and sometimes when I explain something he will correct me as to why he is right and I dont always have an answer because he is right but shouldn't do what he is doing anyway. He struggles when children his age are being silly or saying things that kids say because I'm his words 'that just doesn't make sense'."

    I had that sort of thing happen ALOT as a kid, and still as an adult. If someone is asking me to do something, and it doesnt make *actual* logical sense, I will usually refuse or ignore, and no amount of nagging will get me to do it. The problem is, there are alot of things people commonly do not because they ACTUALLY make sense in a purely logical way, but instead are done simply because "that's how it's done" or "that's what we do". If you really sit down and think about it though... that's an incredibly illogical reason. But people have this bizarre habit of going along with that. Any time I ran into that sort of thing when my mother would be trying to get me to do whatever, I'd always try asking WHY it was done, or I might try to counter with reasons as to why I thought it was a waste of time. Whenever she was unable to counter what I was saying... which was frequent... the conversation ended there, and the task would not be completed, period. She could yell as much as she wanted and it would accomplish nothing. That sort of thing might maybe be what's going on with your son.

    For example, the idea of organizing my room. Never did it. Still dont. My reasoning is, it doesnt matter WHERE a particular object is located... so long as that object does not get damaged, it will still function properly regardless of whether it's on a shelf or on the bed or whatever. Nobody has ever been able to provide a proper counter arguement other than "we're supposed to organize our rooms, so do it!", so.... yeah, it doesnt get done even today. Unless I'm in the basement, as my dog is allowed down there... I do organize my desk area down there to prevent him from getting ahold of something that he shouldnt, so as to protect him. THAT actually makes proper sense to me. As opposed to just doing it "because".

    That's the sort of reasoning that is often used, and it kinda sounds like that might be the sort of way your son thinks. This aspect doesnt ever really fade... again, it's just how we're wired. This might be also why he doesnt understand what other kids do. Their actions may just seem random and bizarre to him, things that are done without reason. Like, they're doing this thing, okay.... but WHY? Just BECAUSE? That's not going to fly, if his way of thinking is what it sounds like. There needs to be more of a defined, concrete reason than that, in his mind.

    Now as for the bit about putting fingers in his ears, that sounds alot like sensory overload. Too much input at once, so the automatic reaction is to try to prevent it. If it cant be prevented, well, that's when you get a meltdown. That all is VERY common for those on the spectrum. It's hard to deal with, for everyone involved, and there's no real way to stop it other than to prevent the situations that cause it in the first place. I wish I had some better advice for you than just that when it comes to this part, but... yeah, there's no easy fix. Heck, there isnt even a complicated fix. No fix at all, really. I have the same issue as well, and I sort of shut down mentally when it's occurring. I dont really have control over it.


    Anyway, that's just some thoughts on the matter. Just keep one thing in mind: You can always ask questions on here, and people on here will usually try to help, but in the end, we arent professionals, and we havent met your son. Dont take any of our advice... including my own... as absolute. All of this is just info for you to consider, that's all.
     
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  6. Mummyoftwo20062012

    Mummyoftwo20062012 New Member

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    Thank you for all your help and advice. May I ask your diagnosis, what you've been diagnosed with that is? I myself have some of the traits my son has. I dont like small talk or irrelevant conversations and various other things. I like me time and can't handle arguments without the need to run away to space myself.
    But obviously he is much more affected and I havent shown those traits i have to him.
    I have become much more happy with who I am but it took 25yrs.
    I want him to be happy with who he is before that. He has a lot more to get used to than I feel I have had to deal with
     
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  7. Misery

    Misery Photo-Negative V.I.P Member

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    I was diagnosed with PDD-NOS, whatever exactly that is. I'm sure it was explained to me in detail but I have a memory like a cheese grater. I do remember my diagnosis process was unusual though. Usually it doesnt involve a team of like 7 doctors and a barrage of tests. Or so I hear. I remember finding the whole thing to be rather confusing. But yeah, that was the end result.

    I notice though that alot of the traits I possess dont seem much different from traditional "aspies" though, so... not sure what the difference actually is. So I usually just say "autistic" as it's simpler and people actually know the word (usually).
     
  8. GadAbout

    GadAbout Well-Known Member

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    Get your child assessed. None of us can tell what's going on with him. Good luck to your family, and welcome to the forum.
     
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  9. VAW

    VAW Member

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    My son is diagnosed with ASD but when he was a child he wasn't and i think for the fact that he was so intelligent I just didn't think anything could be wrong with him (he wasn't diagnosed until a few years ago and he is 30 now) I had two girls who were almost perfect, obeyed never talked back sat quietly and played with dolls or read a book, and then here comes my son, and although he was pretty quiet didn't scream or yell but he would act out at times. when the other kids did something and were set in the corner they did their time, but when he was put in the corner (or a time out i should say) it was like he just didn't get it, he would get up and walk away, i would put him back in the time out chair and he would get up and laugh and walk away. Very frustrating because it was like he was just being a brat and not listening, when you can't make them listen what do you do? IF i gave him a whack on the butt he would just laugh and walk away, just seemed like nothing really got thru to him. and yet he was so smart so i didn't even think he would have had a problem. We just kind of got used to his irritating at times ways, like he would hide his brother's toys or things. Just thought well he is a boy and they get into trouble more than girls do. BUT now looking back i wished i had had him diagnosed but at that time i had never heard of Asperger's at all, and Autism to me was the kind where you rock back and forth and hit yourself in the head, there wasn't a spectrum that i knew. but knowing what i know now about their behavior it would have been so much easier to have known, there were things that i could have done instead of doing things the wrong way because what works for a child without ASD doesn't work for a child with ASD. Like i realized that if he was supposed to clean his room and i said GET IN YOUR ROOM AND CLEAN IT! IT was like he almost was defying you purposely NOT to do it. but if i said could you please help me out today by cleaning your room, it would be done! so i learned little tricks that worked but there would have been so much more i could have done had i known he had ASD.
     
  10. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    Welcome to Autism Forums!