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More attracted to another guy than he is to me. *sigh*

Metalhead

Metalhead

Metal health will drive you mad!
V.I.P Member
Well, at least he is being kind about it. And I really do hope he finds the guy that is right for him. Maintaining the friendship is more important to me than pursuing the "friends with benefits" route that we have talked about but, in the end, mutually decided against.

What I am concerned about is the potential of selfish jealous feelings if he does find who is right for him and I am still single around that time. I remember when I was a younger man, I looked at people who were comfortable with each other, in healthy relationships, and I just felt jealous that they had what I wanted but never really allowed myself - a loving partner without any power differentials, an intimate peer. I am worried that I may have hard feelings in the future, and that is not how I want to think of my friend here.

Anybody else know what I am talking about?

All I really want is to be a peer amongst peers, in all aspects of my life. I doubt my autism has anything to do with him being less attracted to me than I am to him, but I think he realizes that we are far too similar personality-wise to be compatible intimately.

TLDR. I want to be mature and say I am not disappointed at all. I want to support my friend and I really do want what is best for the both of us. However, I have a weak but selfish inner voice that I want to gag regarding this situation.
 
Being disappointed with the situation does not make you immature. You feel how you feel. I think maturity is reflected in how you deal with your feelings, not so much (or at all) in what feelings you have.
 
Wanting to be happy for someone is a noble thought. I'm sure you strive to be. But that doesn't change the fact that you are mourning the loss of a potential serious relationship.
You're allowed to grieve. You're allowed to wallow. You're allowed to have petty thoughts. That's normal. Just don't get stuck in a negative thought spiral.
 
I’m going through a similar situation. Your feelings towards him, and towards what’s going on, are my feelings.
The worst part is that I obsess about it.
 
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