Missing Details?

[dragonwolf]

I don't know where else to put this, so I figured that since it's largely work-related, this was as good a place as any.

I sort of recently (as in, a couple of months ago) started a new job. I had hit it off well in the interviews with everyone I talked to, which is a large part of why I got the job. The work itself is...okay. I'm a software developer and what I'm doing now is maintaining/improving a legacy system, and by legacy, I don't just mean "old," I also mean "doesn't follow any decent coding standards, even the ones that have been around since the original developer started building this system."

Between the sheer size of the system (a few thousand files, with a few hundred, if not thousand, lines of code in each file), and the lack of any kind of real standard, I've found myself missing some things when working on tasks, and the larger they are, the more I seem to miss.

It's generally little details, though. Kind of like Michael in Office Space type stuff. I hate it. It makes me look bad and like I'm not checking my work. It makes me feel horrible, because I'm missing stupid little things that seem so obvious once they've been pointed out.

What makes it even worse is that when I ask for help on something, my boss (the original writer of the system) keeps making me feel like it's entirely my fault that I'm having problems. It's like he feels that the way things are (with the little group of the rest of the people at the company) have worked just fine, so the problem must be me, and not that there are a bunch of things in the process that are clear only to the insiders, and not so clear to newcomers.

I end up stuck not knowing whether to ask for help or try to figure it out on my own, even if I have no leads. I've started becoming fearful of both asking questions and submitting code, because I feel like it's all being added up as reasons for firing me.

It's a really good job, otherwise, and I don't want to lose it without at least trying to fix this, but I really don't know how. I've gone over the todo lists multiple times, gone through my work line by line, and have done everything I can to make sure all my ducks are in a row before submitting my code, yet I still manage to miss things and get accused of not checking my work.

It's always said that Aspies are "detail-oriented" pretty much to a fault, but I feel like I have the opposite problem. Does anyone else feel this way? Am I just being too hard on myself?

I haven't disclosed my Asperger's to my employer yet, though I'm thinking about doing so. I prefer not to unless/until I have to. I'm also still trying to get back in to see my therapist for some help and the likely necessary paperwork around disclosure (the office has a stupid intake procedure, and if you haven't been there in the past 6 months, they make you go through it all over again; it seems extremely counterproductive to their goal of helping people with mental/cognitive issues).

 

[Judge]

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't ever tell your employer you have AS. Otherwise it's conceivable that they may have even greater expectations than they have presently, based on false assumptions and media stereotypes.

I think you have to ask yourself if you are in some kind of slump, or if you make the same kind of errors consistently. If the former, perhaps you should focus on what might have you off your game. If the latter, maybe you chose the wrong kind of work. Not everyone is cut out for extreme details and minimizing syntax errors, whether they are Aspie or NT.

 

[dragonwolf]

If I were in your shoes I wouldn't ever tell your employer you have AS. Otherwise it's conceivable that they may have even greater expectations than they have presently, based on false assumptions and media stereotypes.

I think you have to ask yourself if you are in some kind of slump, or if you make the same kind of errors consistently. If the former, perhaps you should focus on what might have you off your game. If the latter, maybe you chose the wrong kind of work. Not everyone is cut out for extreme details and minimizing syntax errors, whether they are Aspie or NT.

Well, that was more harsh a response than I was expecting.

It's not about syntax errors, it's more about missing details in not-really-instructions instructions, which isn't really something I'd be able to escape with a career change.

And what would these "greater expectations" be, when the disclosure comes with paperwork from my doctor, outlining my issues and requested accommodations?

Hopefully, it's just a prolonged slump, but it's not from any one thing. I've had some rough encounters in my work environments in the past year or so, largely due to dealing with inactionable and shifting expectations that I haven't been able to resolve in said workplace. That's been due in no small part because I can't handle such stressful situations with synchronous communication methods (meltdown territory), but that's what everyone wants to use to "resolve problems."

 

[Judge]

Sorry to be blunt, but I've just never thought of working in the private sector as particularly accommodating based on performance which may not meet their standards. Especially when employers are driven by directors, officers and shareholder expectations which can be very harsh. (Hopefully you aren't working for a publicly-traded company).

It's just that you seem to be saying in your own words that you cannot meet your employer's nominal requirements. Then again, if you really are in a slump and nothing else, it may be something you can overcome. Ultimately you must be the architect of whatever change and improvement you seek. Which can involve looking for different work or sticking it out where you are. You can hope for an employer to be part of it, but just don't assume it, even given the potential legal ramifications. (The DOJ has plenty to say about non-compliance of the ADA).

What if you find another potential employer who provides very good instructions and communication to proceed from? Corporate culture can vary quite a bit from one place to the next. I went from a stodgy insurance company to an entertainment software developer. It was like night and day in almost every respect except shareholders.

To think of how long I fought my own nature just to hang onto a job that really wasn't right for me. It kept evolving contrary to everything I was. In my own case I think becoming self-employed was one of the best things I could do for myself. I got away from most of what was driving me crazy on a daily basis. Probably saved my own life in the process.

 

[reveric15]

Well just to share, I am also not good at details unless the details surround my latest obsession. In those cases I am extremely detail oriented. But I tend to think about the big picture, and I can definitely relate to you in missing details. Over time hopefully you will catch them more often.

 

[AgentPalpatine]

I sort of recently (as in, a couple of months ago) started a new job. I had hit it off well in the interviews with everyone I talked to, which is a large part of why I got the job. The work itself is...okay. I'm a software developer and what I'm doing now is maintaining/improving a legacy system, and by legacy, I don't just mean "old," I also mean "doesn't follow any decent coding standards, even the ones that have been around since the original developer started building this system."

.....

What makes it even worse is that when I ask for help on something, my boss (the original writer of the system) keeps making me feel like it's entirely my fault that I'm having problems. It's like he feels that the way things are (with the little group of the rest of the people at the company) have worked just fine, so the problem must be me, and not that there are a bunch of things in the process that are clear only to the insiders, and not so clear to newcomers.

(Bolding added)

This is not an unusual situation. Your boss created this system and has had (years? decades?) to keep it running. In comes "The New Guy" who wants to change things and is used to a different system. Even if one assumes complete good faith on the part of your boss (and that may or may not be the case), he's presumably not going to feel all that great about telling you all of the "non-decent" workarounds to a system that he built and (hopefully) takes pride in.

On top of that, since you are new, you haven't had the time to really get to know the system. There's a learning curve to everything (if not, anyone could do it), and you're somewhere on that curve.

Since I have no knowledge of your corporate culture or local legal environment, I can't comment on anything else.

 

[Judge]

(Bolding added)

This is not an unusual situation. Your boss created this system and has had (years? decades?) to keep it running. In comes "The New Guy" who wants to change things and is used to a different system. Even if one assumes complete good faith on the part of your boss (and that may or may not be the case), he's presumably not going to feel all that great about telling you all of the "non-decent" workarounds to a system that he built and (hopefully) takes pride in.

Very true. Sometimes people and entire workplaces seem to quietly revel in kludge. Makes life precarious for outsiders unaccustomed to such practices. Something tech school never elaborated on...at least not mine.

 

[dragonwolf]

(Bolding added)

This is not an unusual situation. Your boss created this system and has had (years? decades?) to keep it running. In comes "The New Guy" who wants to change things and is used to a different system. Even if one assumes complete good faith on the part of your boss (and that may or may not be the case), he's presumably not going to feel all that great about telling you all of the "non-decent" workarounds to a system that he built and (hopefully) takes pride in.

On top of that, since you are new, you haven't had the time to really get to know the system. There's a learning curve to everything (if not, anyone could do it), and you're somewhere on that curve.

Since I have no knowledge of your corporate culture or local legal environment, I can't comment on anything else.

That's the thing, it's not even about wanting to change things (I mean, yeah, I'd love to do so, but I haven't been trying to, because I know I'm still on the learning curve). It's about simply being able to do what I'm told to do. As it stands, the "way things are" comes with a rather high margin of error for a new comer, and my boss doesn't have much patience, it seems, for such errors (even when "such errors" include asking for information on what page the ticket creator is referring to, instead of poking around the system to find the page in question, and even though the page in question is actually not one, but two pages). I've been trying to play along with the way things are, to provide a good-faith effort in doing it the way he's done it (despite wanting to throw a Robert Martin book at him).

 

[AgentPalpatine]

That's the thing, it's not even about wanting to change things (I mean, yeah, I'd love to do so, but I haven't been trying to, because I know I'm still on the learning curve). It's about simply being able to do what I'm told to do. As it stands, the "way things are" comes with a rather high margin of error for a new comer, and my boss doesn't have much patience, it seems, for such errors (even when "such errors" include asking for information on what page the ticket creator is referring to, instead of poking around the system to find the page in question, and even though the page in question is actually not one, but two pages). I've been trying to play along with the way things are, to provide a good-faith effort in doing it the way he's done it (despite wanting to throw a Robert Martin book at him).

If your boss is going to be there for any length of time, the only thing you can do is hang on until you know the system inside and out. People often don't realize how many "mental shortcuts" we use on a daily basis in the field of our expertise.

Without any additional information, I still stand by my thought that the issue is that the guy doesn't feel comfortable with how many "work-arounds" the system requires, and you're taking the brunt of that frustration.

Do you know what happened to the prior individual(s) in your function?

 

[dragonwolf]

If your boss is going to be there for any length of time, the only thing you can do is hang on until you know the system inside and out. People often don't realize how many "mental shortcuts" we use on a daily basis in the field of our expertise.

Without any additional information, I still stand by my thought that the issue is that the guy doesn't feel comfortable with how many "work-arounds" the system requires, and you're taking the brunt of that frustration.

Do you know what happened to the prior individual(s) in your function?

To my knowledge, there haven't been any prior individuals in my function. As far as I know, he's the only person who's ever worked on the code, which probably amplifies any and all issues in this situation.