Strong Sad
Active Member
A brief summary of my situation:
1. Married 10 years. 2 young kids;
2. Approx 2 years ago my partner was diagnosed with cancer and underwent surgery, chemo, rads and is still “recovering”
3. Through her treatment she lamented that while I served all her physical/material needs, she didn’t feel love or empathy from me;
4. During this time I made a friendship - a friendship that I considered to be the best friendship I have made (perhaps ever);
5. Friendship is with a woman; my partner accuses me of an affair;
6. A year of marriage counselling, grieving, depression, loss, self-loathing, and no “progress,” unable to understand why/how I created such social/emotional destruction;
7. Self-diagnosis of ASD: it is the one thing that seems to make the catastrophe (and my life experience) coherent;
8. Partner torn: should she have sympathy for me? Or is this the final indication that she will never have the emotional support she needs?
9. “Friend” (who is a colleague) also exhausted by me, when I mention to her that I am pursuing an ASD diagnosis, tells me that I am unknowable, self centred, and she is disinterested in knowing about or understanding my situation.
So I imagined that an ASD diagnosis might mean the potential of repairing relationships, and being able to better understand myself and others. It doesn’t really seem to be playing out that way.
How has navigating friendship, marriage, and adult diagnoses worked out for you? What can I do? How do I recover/move forward/find the support I need? I just feel like a burden, exhausting the people I care about until it is too damaging to them to care for me.
thanks.
1. Married 10 years. 2 young kids;
2. Approx 2 years ago my partner was diagnosed with cancer and underwent surgery, chemo, rads and is still “recovering”
3. Through her treatment she lamented that while I served all her physical/material needs, she didn’t feel love or empathy from me;
4. During this time I made a friendship - a friendship that I considered to be the best friendship I have made (perhaps ever);
5. Friendship is with a woman; my partner accuses me of an affair;
6. A year of marriage counselling, grieving, depression, loss, self-loathing, and no “progress,” unable to understand why/how I created such social/emotional destruction;
7. Self-diagnosis of ASD: it is the one thing that seems to make the catastrophe (and my life experience) coherent;
8. Partner torn: should she have sympathy for me? Or is this the final indication that she will never have the emotional support she needs?
9. “Friend” (who is a colleague) also exhausted by me, when I mention to her that I am pursuing an ASD diagnosis, tells me that I am unknowable, self centred, and she is disinterested in knowing about or understanding my situation.
So I imagined that an ASD diagnosis might mean the potential of repairing relationships, and being able to better understand myself and others. It doesn’t really seem to be playing out that way.
How has navigating friendship, marriage, and adult diagnoses worked out for you? What can I do? How do I recover/move forward/find the support I need? I just feel like a burden, exhausting the people I care about until it is too damaging to them to care for me.
thanks.