Love Is Not Enough!!

[GHA]

Love Is Not Enough — Understanding Matters
I once called out to a neurodiverse family member from the other room. No reply. A few seconds later, he appeared in the doorway, ready to discuss what I had in mind.

No “Yes, I’m coming.” No verbal acknowledgment. Just action.

That moment captures something many people miss: not every response is spoken, not every connection is performed in the “usual” way. For some, words are secondary to action. They hear you, they register you, and they respond — but in a form that makes sense to them.

Living alongside someone like this for years has taught me truths you don’t find in books.

I’ve seen how their logic is stripped of unnecessary layers — functional, precise, and free from social filler. If something is understood, there’s no need to repeat it for form’s sake. I’ve seen emotions expressed not in grand declarations but in quiet, consistent acts — fixing what’s broken, remembering what matters to you, sharing something because they know it will help.

Many here have families who love them. I believe that. But love on its own is not the same as truly knowing them. Too often, families stop at affection, expecting the other person to bridge the gap by “adapting” to their way of communication and interaction.

The truth is, the bridge has to be built from both sides. Understanding means stepping into their logic, respecting their rhythms, and accepting that their way of engaging with the world is not a flaw to be corrected, but a signature to be recognised.

When that happens, something remarkable occurs. The person no longer feels they are “on display” or constantly having to explain themselves. They relax into being, and their deeper abilities — often extraordinary — start to show. Insight. Creativity. Problem-solving that cuts through complexity. Ways of thinking that the majority simply doesn’t possess.

If you are family to someone who is neurodiverse, remember this: love is the start, not the finish. Learn their way of being. Notice the quiet cues. Value their logic as much as emotion. And above all, let them know their way of moving through the world is not just accepted — it is respected and needed

 

[Outdated]

The same thing applies to a few other aspects of our societies too. Societies that talk about "tolerance" of people with differences have missed the point, in fact if a society uses that term then it's a society I never want to visit.

Acceptance is what is required. Without that there will never be love or understanding.

 

[GHA]

The same thing applies to a few other aspects of our societies too. Societies that talk about "tolerance" of people with differences have missed the point, in fact if a society uses that term then it's a society I never want to visit.

Acceptance is what is required. Without that there will never be love or understanding.

Agree! Acceptance is central to understanding…..

 

[mw2530]

Your post is beautifully written. Thanks for sharing your observations and insights. Based on your message, I take it you are not on the spectrum.

Many of us got through the struggle of finding the right balance of just being ourselves and with masking. Some masking is usually required, but too much can be a living hell. I think everyone masks, but when you think differently than almost everyone masking can too often become a full time job. Excessive masking is a robber of energy and hides your natural abilities and strengths.

When that happens, something remarkable occurs. The person no longer feels they are “on display” or constantly having to explain themselves. They relax into being, and their deeper abilities — often extraordinary — start to show. Insight. Creativity. Problem-solving that cuts through complexity. Ways of thinking that the majority simply doesn’t possess.

I have felt this, but you put it into words that make sense. Maybe people don't always realize that we pick up on their subtle smiles or laughs and understand that they are laughing at us. The being "on display" comment really resonates. I often feel like I stick out like a sore thumb in most group outings.

 

[RemyZee]

liked "above all, let them know their way of moving through the world is not just accepted — it is...needed",

Cannot say how many times I have taken a deep look at myself, and what I felt lacking in was a sense of being needed, like I can bring something that the world is looking for and waiting for, can have some kind of offering to give or some kind of need that I can fulfill. I may be wrong but I have a clue that what so many of us autistics are missing is the sense that we are needed.

 

[GHA]

Your post is beautifully written. Thanks for sharing your observations and insights. Based on your message, I take it you are not on the spectrum.

Many of us got through the struggle of finding the right balance of just being ourselves and with masking. Some masking is usually required, but too much can be a living hell. I think everyone masks, but when you think differently than almost everyone masking can too often become a full time job. Excessive masking is a robber of energy and hides your natural abilities and strengths.



I have felt this, but you put it into words that make sense. Maybe people don't always realize that we pick up on their subtle smiles or laughs and understand that they are laughing at us. The being "on display" comment really resonates. I often feel like I stick out like a sore thumb in most group outings.

Some of the greatest minds I’ve ever known are neurodiverse — not despite their differences, but because of them.
You’re right — I’m not on the spectrum. But after decades of living alongside someone who is, I’ve learned more about intelligence, creativity, and human potential than I ever could from books.
What I’ve seen is nothing short of genius — the ability to see patterns others miss, to cut through noise and get to the truth, to imagine ideas that can completely reframe a problem. And I’ve realised something important: the challenge isn’t your thinking — it’s that the world doesn’t always offer the space to use it. But that space can be created, and when it is, your thinking has the power to change everything it touches.
Too much of that genius gets drained away explaining yourself to people who don’t understand. That’s what drives masking — not because you’re trying to deceive, but because it’s exhausting to keep forcing your way into spaces that aren’t built for you. All that energy could be spent on creating, building, innovating — yet it’s consumed by survival.
From what I’ve seen, the real shift comes when you stop trying to fit in and start claiming space by the sheer weight of your brilliance. Let your work, ideas, and insights speak so strongly that they can’t be ignored — even by those who may never fully “get” you.
I’d be very interested to hear your perspective

 

[mw2530]

Some of the greatest minds I’ve ever known are neurodiverse — not despite their differences, but because of them.
You’re right — I’m not on the spectrum. But after decades of living alongside someone who is, I’ve learned more about intelligence, creativity, and human potential than I ever could from books.
What I’ve seen is nothing short of genius — the ability to see patterns others miss, to cut through noise and get to the truth, to imagine ideas that can completely reframe a problem. And I’ve realised something important: the challenge isn’t your thinking — it’s that the world doesn’t always offer the space to use it. But that space can be created, and when it is, your thinking has the power to change everything it touches.
Too much of that genius gets drained away explaining yourself to people who don’t understand. That’s what drives masking — not because you’re trying to deceive, but because it’s exhausting to keep forcing your way into spaces that aren’t built for you. All that energy could be spent on creating, building, innovating — yet it’s consumed by survival.
From what I’ve seen, the real shift comes when you stop trying to fit in and start claiming space by the sheer weight of your brilliance. Let your work, ideas, and insights speak so strongly that they can’t be ignored — even by those who may never fully “get” you.
I’d be very interested to hear your perspective

I think the challenge is that many of our gifts are hidden from plain view. Others have difficulty seeing them or just don't understand them. In job interviews, it is difficult to explain some of my skillset sometimes because the interviewer probably doesn't have a full concept of the unique abilities I may have or even know they could exist.
I have suffered through jobs too long that were not great fits. Thankfully, I have just about a perfect fit in my current job which has helped tremendously with my mood and energy levels. However, there still have been plenty of challenges that have come with it too.

I do agree with the overall argument that we are better of just being ourselves rather than trying to fit in. There certainly times and places where you have to mask to get by, but I think it best to learn what situations you are best suited for and put yourself in them as much as you can. In addition, I think it is most beneficial if you are able to accept who you are rather than fighting it. Not always easy to do. I'm still learning.

I also think a bigger challenge beyond a career is developing relationships. It is so difficult to develop them regardless of whether you lean towards just being yourself or try to mask and fit in. Especially if you live all of your formative years not even realizing you are on the spectrum and thus going through the immense psychological toll of not fitting in with your peers.

 

[mw2530]

Cannot say how many times I have taken a deep look at myself, and what I felt lacking in was a sense of being needed, like I can bring something that the world is looking for and waiting for, can have some kind of offering to give or some kind of need that I can fulfill. I may be wrong but I have a clue that what so many of us autistics are missing is the sense that we are needed.

100% agree with this and have felt this way many times of a sense of not being needed. And it can apply to either career or relationships (or in the form of lack of relationships). And any sort of activity. Sometimes there has been a feeling of the opposite of being needed - a feeling of being in the way, a liability, or burden. Sad to even think about.