Loneliness... [a BBC article]

[Sherlock77]

This article may or may not have anything to do with Asperger's or Autism, still interesting to read as it relates to some common themes on here...

'I'm surrounded by people - but I feel so lonely'

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

Its one of the cons of modern lifestyle having lots of people live close to each other, but totally apart from each other.

 

[Progster]

More people are lonely, because 21st century smart phone, social media culture tends to favour many, superficial relationships over fewer, deeper friendships.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

I think its deeper than that, people would not just take sweet but fake substitute (online) over the real life interaction if they had a choice.
IMO in 80s or 90s when there were no cell phones life in LA and NY was quite the same.
- People did not interact with others outside their professional interest circle
- Everyone chose to be friendships that benefit to them in some way and end friendships when they stop benefit them.
- Everyone focus on how to get ahead no matter if they have to step over bodies
of others for their promotion.
- People turned into consumers and sales people who convince them to buy useless things.


Its just a city lifestyle where everyone blindly in pursuit of the golden calf (money) and cares less about people around them, they pretend friendly, but it only until they see others as competition or obstacle in their way.
No one remembers how to be modest and enjoy simple things.

And of course we all know that the best and genuine things in life are free.

 

[Progster]

I think its deeper than that, people would not just take sweet but fake substitute (online) over the real life interaction if they had a choice. IMHO in 80s or 90s when there no cell phones life in LA and NY was quite the same
people did not interact with others outside their professional interest circle
everyone chose to be friendships that benefit to them in some way and end friendships when they stop benefit them.
Everyone focus on how to get ahead no matter if they have to step over bodies
of others for their promotion.
People turned into consumers and sales people who convince them to buy useless things.

Its just a city lifestyle where everyone is chasing the golden calf (money) and cares less about people around them.

Yes, when people live close together in big cities, they tend to keep the relationships superficial in order to protect themselves. But also the social media and smartphone culture mean that people have more contact, more often with more people - it doesn't just stop when they leave work, or school - people become overwhelmed by too much personal information or interaction, or they feel exposed and vulnerable, and tend to keep things superficial.

 

[Sid Delicious]

I would also add that soaring house prices have broken apart families and social networks that would have otherwise continued to naturally expand over time. People now have to waste hours every day on long commutes, as the available jobs are miles away from the affordable homes (especially once you have a family and need more than a one bedroom flat). Fitting in social events is a huge struggle for a lot of working people. I imagine most people wake up, travel to work, spend the majority of their time socialising with interchangable colleagues at work (most of whom live miles away and will leave after 2-3 years now that most jobs are short term), then travel home and have just enough time to eat, wash and sleep. Developing anything more than a shallow aquaintance with someone is very difficult these days. Even managing to see family is an issue for most people. It's unusual to live and work in the same area you grew up unless you are lucky enough to be wealthy and/or work from home. I can't think of anyone under 40 that I know who could afford to buy a home where they grew up and their parents/family live. So they just don't see them outside of weddings/funerals/big events. Yes, there is always social media, email, phone calls, etc, but that isn't the same as meeting up face to face and sharing an experience and isn't a good enough elternative for most people.

 

[HidinginPlainSight]

It's strange, I mean I feel lonely sometimes because I am alone most of the time. However, whenever I have surrounded myself with people I get a strong desire to be alone. In the end, I do actually prefer being alone as the feeling passes once I get immersed in something.

 

[Mycroft.Holmes]

In my experience, when I am at a party or a other type of social gathering the feeling of I do not belong here really kick in. however, when im alone there is a feeling of missing someone. It is just really hard to meet people with similar interest.

 

[OrdinaryCitizen]

It's strange, I mean I feel lonely sometimes because I am alone most of the time. However, whenever I have surrounded myself with people I get a strong desire to be alone. In the end, I do actually prefer being alone as the feeling passes once I get immersed in something.

Perhaps you need just one friend or significant other not a ton of people around you.
I just spoke with my buddy hes on spectrum and he does not like to be friends with most people because they idea of fun is to go to bar/club get drunk and act like bunch of idiots, not something he can relate to so he does not have many friends, just a few that he handpicked and feels comfortable with.

I feel like many people afraid to be alone so they let as many people in their life as they can (they could make excuses like i need this for "networking" etc) .
To keep this people in their life they forced to participate in activities which they otherwise would not do, like clubbing, getting high etc.

IMO This is like living for others, it could be fun to get drunk and fool around, but also degrading and if you constantly forced to do this you get "off track" from your life goals.