Lately I’ve been feeling selfish.

[disconnected]

I’ve been feeling the guilt of selfishness the past few months. I have a wife and two kids. I feel there accommodations are excessive. Basically I struggle to go anywhere public. If we go to eat it’s at 11am on a Sunday or afternoon at 4 when we know very little people will be there.

I can travel solo to remote areas without issue.

Anyhow I took my daughter to a large amusement park a few weeks ago and it went great. This past weekend I took the family to a four day weekend at the beach. It was VERY difficult.

So basically at this point I’m exuasted and border line non verbal except simple 1 answer questions. I’ve crashed hard.

I’m sorry my family needs to accommodate me. Does anyone else ever think about this.

 

[Pats]

Good for you for taking them to these places, even though difficult. And it is not unreasonable to need the recuperating time afterward. I had to take my kids all the time to fairs, the beach, the mall, Carowinds, etc etc. And I hated it - I'm also short and get pushed and stepped on a lot so that don't help. Not selfish that you need to recover - it's very overwhelming and tiring, no exhausting and it was very Unselfish to take them to begin with. But they do need to be aware of your need to recover.

 

[Nervous Rex]

Yes. I worry about my family accommodating me. Lack of sleep ruins me more than anything else, but:

• Saturday I worked hard on house projects, then was up late because we went out with friends.
• Sunday I was up early handled all the commitments for the day, and then stayed up until 12:30am helping my wife with lesson plans.
• Monday I had to get up and prepare for the big barbecue we had planned at noon. And then help run the barbecue.

It affected my emotions and ruined my ability to function throughout Monday and Tuesday (I finally feel functional today. yay).

So last night, my wife and I had to have a talk about it. She didn't like me stomping around like I was mad. I didn't like barely being able to function. We decided that we need to make these big projects (lesson plans, etc.) a higher priority so we aren't waiting until late night to get them done. If that means we don't go out with friends or don't have a big barbecue because we have work responsibilities, so be it. We're trying to balance her needs for certain things to get done against my needs for rest. In this case, that means cutting other things out.

I hope my family isn't just accommodating me. We're trying to work it out as a family. It's give and take.

 

[BraidedPony]

Disconnected, i think you are doing way too much! Four days at the beach?! Maybe two hours would be about right.
I have agoraphobia, so you are doing a lot as far as I’m concerned.
Maybe if you were to put less stress on yourself, less pressure to go out, you will feel much better. Nothing wrong with slowing down a bit.

 

[Bella Pines]

We're black and white. We are either with the family or not. If I take a school holiday off with my kids then I will set them down in front of the playstation and ignore them for 3 days, then have a great day at the zoo or at a theme park.

I don't do grey areas, I am either with them or ignoring them. I'm happier on my own, cycling, in a coffee shop or in a forest. But I adore my children and they mean the world to me. I can only take so much, I get touched out, if they climb on me or pull my hair it really pushes me toward meltdown.

But I've found my balance. Basically I need 1 hr per day on my own and 3-4 hours on Saturday. I can do 1 exciting family event a month and a holiday or mini break every 2 years. If I keep rigidly to this routine then everyone is happy, they get mummy time and I am stable.

So you need to find your balance. Saying that you need to be selfish and going non verbal really doesn't help. COMMUNICATE. Talk to them, try to help them understand what sensory overload is, explain it a hundred times if necessary, negotiate alone time and compromise by scheduling fun trips that you can stomach. But don't stomp up to your room like a teenager, you're high functioning, you can do better.