cygx
Well-Known Member
I was compelled to post an introduction after I read a very interesting article that can explain what I've been going through for so long better than I currently can: ASPIE STRATEGY: The Hidden Autistics - Asperger's in Adults
I'm cygx, a 27 year old stay at home dad. I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome 3 years ago, but it didn't really "click". Sure, I believed it, but I didn't realize what exactly it meant. It didn't "click" in my head that because of me always thinking I was a normal person just like everyone else, I was actually working against the natural flow of my brain for the majority of my child, adolescent, and adult life. I didn't know the foundation was wrong. I thought the frustration that I dealt with everyday relating to people, the inaccuracies of conversation, and other things was an issue everyone had, because I thought I was normal. Since I figured everyone generally had the same gripes and problems as I was dealing with, I just figured to push it all down and move forward. What I didn't realize was that I was actually pushing down rules and parameters that were meant to be the framework of my optimal brain function.
Over time, I just got better and better at it. Somewhere along, I had completely forgotten how to "be myself". I didn't even realize who the hell I was, but I didn't know that I realize it. I didn't know any differently from how my brain developed which was for the sake of everyone else and not whether or not I'd feel comfortable.
I had an epiphany in January. I don't know what caused it. It was late and I was playing a video game. I'll never forget the sense of identity that came from it. The feelings were so strong, so real. Definitely among the stronger emotions I've felt
Since then, I've been trying to "rebuild" my head. The farther in I go, the more complicated it gets...but at the same time, the more sense it makes. I've been getting this profound enjoyment out of generally living that I haven't felt since my childhood. I've forgotten what it's like to feel comfortable in my head, and it's painful to realize how many years of my life have been spent as this empty person who didn't know any different.
I can't even make my phrases and wording coherent or readable when I'm saying whatever I'm thinking, but I've found that it's more important to get it out before I forget than put it in proper structure.
Hello all
I'm cygx, a 27 year old stay at home dad. I was diagnosed with Asperger syndrome 3 years ago, but it didn't really "click". Sure, I believed it, but I didn't realize what exactly it meant. It didn't "click" in my head that because of me always thinking I was a normal person just like everyone else, I was actually working against the natural flow of my brain for the majority of my child, adolescent, and adult life. I didn't know the foundation was wrong. I thought the frustration that I dealt with everyday relating to people, the inaccuracies of conversation, and other things was an issue everyone had, because I thought I was normal. Since I figured everyone generally had the same gripes and problems as I was dealing with, I just figured to push it all down and move forward. What I didn't realize was that I was actually pushing down rules and parameters that were meant to be the framework of my optimal brain function.
Over time, I just got better and better at it. Somewhere along, I had completely forgotten how to "be myself". I didn't even realize who the hell I was, but I didn't know that I realize it. I didn't know any differently from how my brain developed which was for the sake of everyone else and not whether or not I'd feel comfortable.
I had an epiphany in January. I don't know what caused it. It was late and I was playing a video game. I'll never forget the sense of identity that came from it. The feelings were so strong, so real. Definitely among the stronger emotions I've felt
Since then, I've been trying to "rebuild" my head. The farther in I go, the more complicated it gets...but at the same time, the more sense it makes. I've been getting this profound enjoyment out of generally living that I haven't felt since my childhood. I've forgotten what it's like to feel comfortable in my head, and it's painful to realize how many years of my life have been spent as this empty person who didn't know any different.
I can't even make my phrases and wording coherent or readable when I'm saying whatever I'm thinking, but I've found that it's more important to get it out before I forget than put it in proper structure.
Hello all
