ChristianHex
Member
I need advice, thanks in advance! My relationship of 20 years has ended, and I've just gotten to the point of getting over my social anxiety to where I can reach out. My wife has decided to leave me about 6 months ago, the divorce has been filed but is not final. I was diagnosed with high-functioning ASD about a year and a half ago. Before finding this forum all I could find was forums and sites discussing things from the NT's point of view which to me all seemed like ASD/aspie-bashing (get away, they are so selfish, childish, broken, shallow etc...) .
I'm so glad I found this place!
I'm sure I've not been easy to be in a relationship with especially long term. That being said I really believed we had a solid relationship. Our verbal communication was excellent and that was probably why we lasted so long. Looking back on it especially the past couple of years things had broken down, she had expressed that she just didn't communicate "verbally" to me this was obviously sudden as things had seemed so stable for so long. She met someone else while on a trip to Europe someone that she had "the most romantic day of her life" with. I'm still seeing my therapist that diagnosed me, I had started to see him for severe depression about two years ago. I haven't been in my opinion particularly selfish, I have generally maintained solid employment my adult life except when the economy has been particularly bad, after the last market crash I had a period of under-employment and she was unemployed, so she decided to go back to school and get her masters degree (albeit in a field that was unrelated to her undergraduate degree, confusing to me but it made sense to her, I learned to accept it eventually shouldn't that count for something). During this time I supported the both of us as I love her deeply she was my best friend. This was to me an expression of how much I loved, supported, and respected her decisions in life. I'm really struggling with feelings like I'm the one who drove her away with my introverted manner, especially when it came to physical expression. I have a hard time with "touch" cuddling for example didn't happen in our relationship, small things would bother me, creep me out or I would just not know how to touch her right i.e. "I'm not a cat you don't need to pet me!" I'm still coming to terms with my condition let alone all the other feelings that go along with a separation. My friends all tell me I'm a good person (reading elsewhere is just depressing) , that I'm loyal, that I was there for her etc... but my mind is obsessed with my flaws right now, my self esteem is really low as a result. There's a bunch of other stuff that I could go on about ... my flaws, my obesssions... I could take up pages, but that's for other forums. I'm just hoping that some people can give me advice either from a ASD/aspie view or a neurotypical point of view on how to manage this all. Sorry for the disjointed and random thoughts/sentences, I also have ADD so my mind races faster than I can type.
Thanks again! ChristianHex
I'm so glad I found this place!
I'm sure I've not been easy to be in a relationship with especially long term. That being said I really believed we had a solid relationship. Our verbal communication was excellent and that was probably why we lasted so long. Looking back on it especially the past couple of years things had broken down, she had expressed that she just didn't communicate "verbally" to me this was obviously sudden as things had seemed so stable for so long. She met someone else while on a trip to Europe someone that she had "the most romantic day of her life" with. I'm still seeing my therapist that diagnosed me, I had started to see him for severe depression about two years ago. I haven't been in my opinion particularly selfish, I have generally maintained solid employment my adult life except when the economy has been particularly bad, after the last market crash I had a period of under-employment and she was unemployed, so she decided to go back to school and get her masters degree (albeit in a field that was unrelated to her undergraduate degree, confusing to me but it made sense to her, I learned to accept it eventually shouldn't that count for something). During this time I supported the both of us as I love her deeply she was my best friend. This was to me an expression of how much I loved, supported, and respected her decisions in life. I'm really struggling with feelings like I'm the one who drove her away with my introverted manner, especially when it came to physical expression. I have a hard time with "touch" cuddling for example didn't happen in our relationship, small things would bother me, creep me out or I would just not know how to touch her right i.e. "I'm not a cat you don't need to pet me!" I'm still coming to terms with my condition let alone all the other feelings that go along with a separation. My friends all tell me I'm a good person (reading elsewhere is just depressing) , that I'm loyal, that I was there for her etc... but my mind is obsessed with my flaws right now, my self esteem is really low as a result. There's a bunch of other stuff that I could go on about ... my flaws, my obesssions... I could take up pages, but that's for other forums. I'm just hoping that some people can give me advice either from a ASD/aspie view or a neurotypical point of view on how to manage this all. Sorry for the disjointed and random thoughts/sentences, I also have ADD so my mind races faster than I can type.
Thanks again! ChristianHex