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is that normal to live together with ex asperges boyfriend

Discussion in 'Love, Relationships and Dating' started by Ina, Oct 7, 2019.

  1. Ina

    Ina New Member

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    I’ve been in relationship with him for the past 8 months, but sadly a week ago we decided to be just as a friend since he said we are in the different stage. Like he is getting to know me and i’m in love with him.

    I tried so hard to not talk to him but at the end we still communicate and I can tell the way he talks to me, he does not seem unhappy like the way I feel and everyone when they are having broken heart.

    In relationship with him I tried to understand how this is going to work. I always listen what he said, even when he is angry and called me with bad words, being mean and sometimes yelling and hitting the stuffs. I keep forgive him since he has the condition and at the end he said he couldn't accept me as a girlfriend and he is enjoying time being alone.

    I understand that he is being honest about it, but I couldn't lie that I'm upset that he said to me after 8 months. The other day he called me and ask me to be his housemate in two bedrooms apartment, i’m just wondering is it a good idea or not and how it usually live with ex asperges partner if anyone ever done it?
    I’m positive this is could be work since he always struggling to accept new person in his apartment and he always annoyed for whatever they did but for me I understand his rules and I used to him I guess is not gonna to hard but In the same time I'm worried about my feeling.
     
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  2. BraidedPony

    BraidedPony Just Enjoying Survival V.I.P Member

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    I think living with him would be a bad idea. Seeing him everyday, loving him but he not loving you, would be very painful.
    Convenient for him but too hard for you.
     
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  3. Mia

    Mia Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Difficult Ina. Better to not live with someone you love, who does not feel the same way about you. It would be painful for you as you would continually hope that things might change. Likely why you are considering it in the first place.
     
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  4. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I lived with my ex for half a year because he couldn’t find another place (and I think he was hoping that I’d change my mind about breaking up). It was very painful for him because I was moving on and he kept clinging on to hope. It got even more awkward when I was getting back into dating.
     
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  5. clg114

    clg114 Still crazy, after all these years. Staff Member V.I.P Member

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    Welcome to Autism Forums!
     
  6. Judge

    Judge Well-Known Member V.I.P Member

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    Sadly that would seem to me to indicate that it's best for the both of you to live apart from one another whether you are still "friends" or not. Otherwise it would seem to be perpetuating a form of poor mental health for you and you alone as others have already mentioned.
     
    Last edited: Oct 8, 2019
  7. unperson

    unperson Well-Known Member

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    I'd start seeing someone else. Why risk heartbreak?
     
  8. Ina

    Ina New Member

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    I’m worried that he will struggle to live with new people since I always see him stress over the roommate thing and the actual roommate also not comfortable with the rules that he made. I thought will be easier if i’m the one move there as his friend.
     
  9. Ina

    Ina New Member

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    I’m considering to move because at this time I have struggle to find new place as well since we’ve planned to live together but sadly we broke up and he consider me To be his housemate since the previous one going to move out :( I really don't know what to do, but can't lie. I really care about him, is hard to see him stress over housemate thing. I was thinking if its really painfully at the end I Will get over him easily
     
  10. Ina

    Ina New Member

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    Even he asked me to share a room first till the other housemate find new place, and he willing to sleep on the floor. But maybe this is the sign he never had feeling to me, I will try to find new place thou thank-you guys
     
  11. Ina

    Ina New Member

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    Oh no.. That must be hard for him, but I reckon he just want to tried it, and the end he knows he need to move on. but at least he was trying thou.. thats how my heart telling me, either trying as his friend and see what’s happened :(
     
  12. Ina

    Ina New Member

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    because i dont think i’m ready to seeing someone else, and I want to try one more time
     
  13. Bolletje

    Bolletje Potato chip wizard V.I.P Member

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    I don’t think you should try. You’d be putting yourself in a very unhealthy situation because you want to be more than friends and he doesn’t. If you want to try and get back together, don’t do it from a situation where you live together because that puts way too much pressure on the situation and is just asking for trouble.
    When my ex and I were living together I kept having to remind him I didn’t want to be together anymore and there was no chance of reconciliation. He kept trying though. At some point it became the emotional equivalent of kicking someone when he’s down, because he wouldn’t get the message and I had to keep reinforcing my boundaries with him. Not a good place to be in.
     
  14. Ina

    Ina New Member

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    I reckon you’re right, but I don't have a lot of choices in this situation when I need to leave this room in 2 weeks and I can't find Other place yet.

    If the worse thing I need to move out with him, I won't tried to come back with him