When I was in grade school, I was your typical feminine girl who likes pink, loves dress-up, fantasizes on makeup and nail polish, and most of all swoons at the sight of boys. My parents despite them encouraging me to be more feminine, as they view all girls should be, are disgusted by my infatuation towards boys at a very young age.
My mom, and other women, and some of my female cousins told me I’m supposed to be in the “boys are icky” phase, I was seven at the time someone first told me this. One time at school I got in trouble for chasing a boy my age during recess, because of the stupid law that says no kissing, hugging, or chasing the opposite sex, and I didn’t understand why.
The truth was I don’t know a thing about boys or the things that go on in their minds, but I was interested in learning about them. unfortunately for me, my parents were fed up with my interests towards the opposite sex and they made a long and nasty lecture on how I am not a normal person to be attracted towards boys and I am not allowed to have a boyfriend until I am a grown adult. I was nine when my parents put their foot down.
As I grew older, the words sunk deeper into me. I grew up to be the dullest, most boring person to be around nowadays. I had very few friends and they didn’t last long. I also had to move to different schools and all my old friends moved away. I was sent to a Christian academy at high school so my parents could protect from all the drugs and “perverted men”. The Christian schools were the most BORING schools to ever participate in. My secular middle school was at least very appealing throughout my time there. In my teenage years, I felt so overprotected that it became a miserable experience for me.
I wanted to be like normal teenagers, having joyrides, going to parties, kissing boys. But that all changed because of my extremely religious parents. In middle school, I was also indoctrinated that all sex is bad and periods should be kept to myself. Cringey parents like mine were the reason most kids were prohibited from learning about what sex was.
High school was hell for me, I was the only girl in my school that wore glasses AND braces, and had a tracking sheet due to my unacceptable behavior (a totally different subject). I was an absolute outcast, and at the time, I had already completely lost interest in boys. The only thing on my mind was that how was I going to survive.
Nowadays in my adult years, I have a complete aversion to boys. What’s even more infuriating is that my mom kept begging me to get a boyfriend and get married, even though I kept telling her no. “One day you will” she will say. It pisses me off that she’ll scare me out of having any sexual desires then years later she’ll ask me why I haven’t got a boyfriend yet. But still others would say “good girl” every time they ask me if I’m married or have any boyfriends and I answer no. I’m confused as hell.
Society tells us that children are supposed to view the opposite sex as gross and weird. But if a child is curious in any way about the opposite sex, it’s somehow forbidden to have any infatuation especially at a young age. Normally most kids who find girls/boys to be icky would later have a relationship with one years later. However I was the complete opposite, as a child I was crazy over boys, but nowadays I cringe whenever I meet a boy, even grown men.
These days I find romance to be useless and disgusting. And I couldn’t tolerate the sight of men without suddenly freaking out. I was messed up throughout my childhood which resulted in a sad adolescence and adulthood. I thought myself to be not normal when I found out I have an aversion to affection. But I slowly realized I had become asexual when I started learning about it.
As an adult, I was a completely different human being, a monster even. Pink did not interest me, dress-up became too childish, makeup felt forced and unnecessary, and I shut myself out from the public as much as I could. I wanted to go back to the days when I was completely innocent and instead encourage myself to learn more about boys and form an actual relationship. But now it’s too late. And I could never change it no matter how hard I tried. That is just what it would have to be.
My mom, and other women, and some of my female cousins told me I’m supposed to be in the “boys are icky” phase, I was seven at the time someone first told me this. One time at school I got in trouble for chasing a boy my age during recess, because of the stupid law that says no kissing, hugging, or chasing the opposite sex, and I didn’t understand why.
The truth was I don’t know a thing about boys or the things that go on in their minds, but I was interested in learning about them. unfortunately for me, my parents were fed up with my interests towards the opposite sex and they made a long and nasty lecture on how I am not a normal person to be attracted towards boys and I am not allowed to have a boyfriend until I am a grown adult. I was nine when my parents put their foot down.
As I grew older, the words sunk deeper into me. I grew up to be the dullest, most boring person to be around nowadays. I had very few friends and they didn’t last long. I also had to move to different schools and all my old friends moved away. I was sent to a Christian academy at high school so my parents could protect from all the drugs and “perverted men”. The Christian schools were the most BORING schools to ever participate in. My secular middle school was at least very appealing throughout my time there. In my teenage years, I felt so overprotected that it became a miserable experience for me.
I wanted to be like normal teenagers, having joyrides, going to parties, kissing boys. But that all changed because of my extremely religious parents. In middle school, I was also indoctrinated that all sex is bad and periods should be kept to myself. Cringey parents like mine were the reason most kids were prohibited from learning about what sex was.
High school was hell for me, I was the only girl in my school that wore glasses AND braces, and had a tracking sheet due to my unacceptable behavior (a totally different subject). I was an absolute outcast, and at the time, I had already completely lost interest in boys. The only thing on my mind was that how was I going to survive.
Nowadays in my adult years, I have a complete aversion to boys. What’s even more infuriating is that my mom kept begging me to get a boyfriend and get married, even though I kept telling her no. “One day you will” she will say. It pisses me off that she’ll scare me out of having any sexual desires then years later she’ll ask me why I haven’t got a boyfriend yet. But still others would say “good girl” every time they ask me if I’m married or have any boyfriends and I answer no. I’m confused as hell.
Society tells us that children are supposed to view the opposite sex as gross and weird. But if a child is curious in any way about the opposite sex, it’s somehow forbidden to have any infatuation especially at a young age. Normally most kids who find girls/boys to be icky would later have a relationship with one years later. However I was the complete opposite, as a child I was crazy over boys, but nowadays I cringe whenever I meet a boy, even grown men.
These days I find romance to be useless and disgusting. And I couldn’t tolerate the sight of men without suddenly freaking out. I was messed up throughout my childhood which resulted in a sad adolescence and adulthood. I thought myself to be not normal when I found out I have an aversion to affection. But I slowly realized I had become asexual when I started learning about it.
As an adult, I was a completely different human being, a monster even. Pink did not interest me, dress-up became too childish, makeup felt forced and unnecessary, and I shut myself out from the public as much as I could. I wanted to go back to the days when I was completely innocent and instead encourage myself to learn more about boys and form an actual relationship. But now it’s too late. And I could never change it no matter how hard I tried. That is just what it would have to be.
