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Is it a bad thing if I feel because my low self esteem that I feel I should have praise, sympathy or encouragement due to my illness?

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Amethystgirl

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When someone tells me that are proud of me it absolutely makes me feel uncomfortable because of my low self esteem. I also don't want anyone giving me sympathy or encouragement because I feel I don't deserve it. I actually didn't like when I was upset about after agreeing with my folks, my friend says on the phone I'm a good friend and I got upset with her. Do any of you not like yourselves so much you feel you don't deserve praise, sympathy lor encouragement?
 
I'm just not a happy woman. I never graduated properly from high school, never went to college or university, I'm middle aged and I don't have a paid job, I don't have tons of friends off the internet, I would like more money, I'm just not happy with the way my life is. And there's no law saying someone has to have good self esteem.
 
There's an error in the System. You are not recieving good treatment. Good treatment should be like water, free and sweet.

We have sweet water here in Norway.

If you stay alive where you are, and you can travel, i wonder if that is you accepting evil enviroment. I came to Norway when I was 8-9 y.o. and haven't traveled. It's my fault i don't travel.

My argument is The Law must "apologize" for many things in order for me to travel, that Law must grant me surety against many things. But it won't. The Grandson of Prophet Mohammed historically died martyred for requesting that the government yield to him. (edit) He's remembered today though.

It's not normal females are "street beggars", but i could have a life worse than that. I must travel. Or die. I've already been 'Defenestrated' meaning ejected from the care/car window.
 
Amethystgirl said:
When someone tells me that are proud of me it absolutely makes me feel uncomfortable because of my low self esteem. I also don't want anyone giving me sympathy or encouragement because I feel I don't deserve it. I actually didn't like when I was upset about after agreeing with my folks, my friend says on the phone I'm a good friend and I got upset with her. Do any of you not like yourselves so much you feel you don't deserve praise, sympathy lor encouragement?
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If you do a Google search on this topic, it seems to be "a thing" with many folks on the spectrum. Accepting Compliments While Autistic — THINKING PERSON'S GUIDE TO AUTISM

I get this feeling sometimes at work. Someone will compliment me on a job well-done and I just give them an expressionless look. I know this is not the response they were looking for, after all, they went out of their way to give me that "gift" of recognition. The least I could do is show some gratitude, or at least a humble "Thanks".

I used to think it was a combination of how my generation grew up and my strong work ethic as compared to some others that I work with. In my mind, I am doing things "the way they should be done". However, the reality is that I have set my own bar significantly higher than others. So, when someone compliments me, in my mind, they are thanking me for "doing my job", and at the time, it doesn't really settle in that I am doing things at a level that would be considered "above and beyond". Maybe, on some subconscious level, I still think I am not worthy, and as such, tend to overcompensate to make myself stand out...something for a psychiatrist to sort out. Worse yet, is that I rarely compliment others, which may be interpreted that I am "cold" or "intimidating"...which I am not. My thought is that "Why should I give recognition for meeting minimum expectations?" It comes off as pandering and not genuine. I know...the optics are not good when I say that. However, for some people, those "low performers" at work...we all have worked with them...giving positive feedback on those rare occasions when they do perform well is very important because it encourages them to continue to do so.

Interesting topic.
 
Further; I can't tell you @Amethystgirl "good job or boooooo (meaning bad job)".

Only you can tell that to yourself.

I'm Royal Gard whatever that means. Aside from being a Gard, being Royal means i decide when things are good or bad, over myself for myself.
 
Amethystgirl said:
When someone tells me that are proud of me it absolutely makes me feel uncomfortable because of my low self esteem. I also don't want anyone giving me sympathy or encouragement because I feel I don't deserve it. I actually didn't like when I was upset about after agreeing with my folks, my friend says on the phone I'm a good friend and I got upset with her. Do any of you not like yourselves so much you feel you don't deserve praise, sympathy lor encouragement?
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I don't have any use for participation trophies. Praise me if I do something praiseworthy. I don't want adulation simply for showing up.
 
There's nothing wrong with having a low self-esteem but it can prevent you from feeling better when you accomplish something or when others compliment you, which can make you less happy. Low self-esteem can also discourage you from taking risks that could improve your life as you might think it's not worth trying because you're not good enough to succeed. That can lead to a more stressful, less happy, less fulfilling life.
 
I would think that there's nothing wrong with any kind word or gesture to someone as long as their words are sincere. Though it's also no secret that many of us have difficulty handling compliments. No matter what condition one's self-esteem my be at any given time.

Something I sometimes struggle with as well.
 
Amethystgirl said:
I choose my mental health over my self esteem. It's more important. Please understand everyone.
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Hard to say. Though it seems both mental health and self-esteem are linked. Interesting reading though at a very high level:

"Self-esteem is fundamentally linked to mental health, but its’ role in trajectories of psychiatric problems is unclear. In particular, few studies have addressed the role of self-esteem in the development of attention problems. Hence, we examined the role of global self-esteem in the development of symptoms of anxiety/depression and attention problems, simultaneously, in a clinical sample of adolescents while accounting for gender, therapy, and medication."

The role of self-esteem in the development of psychiatric problems: a three-year prospective study in a clinical sample of adolescents - PMC
 
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Amethystgirl said:
I choose my mental health over my self esteem. It's more important. Please understand everyone.
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I understand

Can I say something? I want to ask that by saying mental health you mean here and now? And by saying self-esteem you mean the future. I have a green avatar, supposedly a healing color.

Edit: It's important to be mindful here and now.
 
spent a major part of my life being this way , and it did not serve my well being, I later on learned. Did read lots of self help books. Had grown up , listening from the my family ,
Things that did not fit . Recognizing a significant amount of severe Hypocrasy was being used in people whom had abused me since I was tiny . And a book "The power of Positive Thinking" helped my perspective in my situation . but when I hear compliments, due to experiences,caused me to not believe anyone complimenting me. Thought their was scam
or Gaslighting going on. And this was my default go to impression of peoples praise . It cost me alot of potential friendships at a very formative time in my life. But it seemed it was protecting me from further abuse . But eventually thought the only persons opinion that matters is only my own about myself . Later years , had gone through much repression and auto accidents . That left me pretty disabled for years , and spinal cord issues .Chronic pain . But even on Tele and things I had read,saw people doing extraordinary things with their bodies. So I did not limit my ability to recover .cause if another human can do that . I should be able to try to recover as much as I can. And it took years but I walk unassisted now. And have lived another 40 years since then . But facts are what they are."Here I am," And I learned to accept compliments graciously But never let it go to my head. But now I realise things thst I lived through,I should give myself some credit. That mindset and many experiences bad and good allowed me to move forward in. later life. Best Wishes in your own journey of self perception
 
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