Hi, my names Izzy. I was diagnosed with autism earlier this year. It has been an experience growing up with undiagnosed autism and I am currently feeling the consequences of years of masking etc. I’m not a very sociable person since my diagnosis as I’ve realised what a toll these interactions have on me but I do often feel lonely. I’d like to chat to people in the same boat and form some friendships online. I’m very new to this forum and the layout but it definitely makes me feel less alone being here.
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Introducing myself, hello :)
- Thread starter Rose20
- Start date
Welcome Izzy,
You're in a very large boat with a lot of people who were diagnosed later in life...some of us really late...over 50. It is a bit of double-edged sword growing up in a neurotypical world with neurotypical expectations. I had to learn my way in life...often by trial and error...often delayed...but figured it out. I had some sense that I was "different" but didn't know why or how...for decades. Many things I experienced I just assumed that everyone else did too...and I couldn't have been more wrong...but never knew any different.
Masking is done by nearly everyone in public...obviously some more than others...but we all, at some instinctual, primal level want to fit in somehow. I can say that it doesn't matter and who cares what others think, but deep down...it matters. The trick is to make time for yourself to be yourself.
Socialization is mentally exhausting but still needed. It's just managing dosage. Much better to go to a party for an hour, make your rounds and leave...than not go at all. Better to go to work all day but create 5-10 minute "mini breaks" in solitude in a bathroom, locker room, breakroom, whatever...long enough to chill out, but not long enough that others are going to notice your absence.
Most of us can do whatever we want to do in life...but it's just managed differently.
You're in a very large boat with a lot of people who were diagnosed later in life...some of us really late...over 50. It is a bit of double-edged sword growing up in a neurotypical world with neurotypical expectations. I had to learn my way in life...often by trial and error...often delayed...but figured it out. I had some sense that I was "different" but didn't know why or how...for decades. Many things I experienced I just assumed that everyone else did too...and I couldn't have been more wrong...but never knew any different.
Masking is done by nearly everyone in public...obviously some more than others...but we all, at some instinctual, primal level want to fit in somehow. I can say that it doesn't matter and who cares what others think, but deep down...it matters. The trick is to make time for yourself to be yourself.
Socialization is mentally exhausting but still needed. It's just managing dosage. Much better to go to a party for an hour, make your rounds and leave...than not go at all. Better to go to work all day but create 5-10 minute "mini breaks" in solitude in a bathroom, locker room, breakroom, whatever...long enough to chill out, but not long enough that others are going to notice your absence.
Most of us can do whatever we want to do in life...but it's just managed differently.
Thank you all for the replies and reactions.
I know at some level we all want to fit in and find our people but the degree to which I feel I need to mask is unhealthy and likely learnt from childhood into adulthood. My mental wellbeing has always been very rocky.
I don’t feel able to participate in work at the moment which is scary because we live in a world that you have to pay your way in. My anxiety and consequential sensory overload is what is making life in general quite challenging. Having an appointment or telephone call, seeing a family member for lunch or scheduling a FaceTime with a friend gives me such intense anxiety that often I don’t even have the capacity to participate. I find it so incredibly difficult to just be a human being. Thinking of responses and making sure you’ve asked the appropriate questions. Figuring out what someone else means or what their facial expression is saying. I struggle to decipher what is meant literally and what isn’t. It is hard navigating this world and extremely daunting if I’m honest. Sometimes it makes me not want to navigate this world at all.
I agree, I’ve always felt “different” and as though I don’t really fit in anywhere. I often feel like an actual alien on this planet.
I know being autistic is learning what works for you and managing social interactions mindfully, which in time I’ll get the hang of but it is so difficult to get neurotypical people to understand my needs e.g. telling a friend that I only want to hang out for a few hours and even then worrying that’s not long enough and if I really wanted to be their friend I would push through the discomfort. A friend before has said that “you’ll manage” (paraphrased) when talking about going somewhere when in actual fact it was awful for me! It’s so difficult because I don’t want to lose the 1/2 friends I currently have but I also don’t want to keep doing things that aren’t right for me.
I know at some level we all want to fit in and find our people but the degree to which I feel I need to mask is unhealthy and likely learnt from childhood into adulthood. My mental wellbeing has always been very rocky.
I don’t feel able to participate in work at the moment which is scary because we live in a world that you have to pay your way in. My anxiety and consequential sensory overload is what is making life in general quite challenging. Having an appointment or telephone call, seeing a family member for lunch or scheduling a FaceTime with a friend gives me such intense anxiety that often I don’t even have the capacity to participate. I find it so incredibly difficult to just be a human being. Thinking of responses and making sure you’ve asked the appropriate questions. Figuring out what someone else means or what their facial expression is saying. I struggle to decipher what is meant literally and what isn’t. It is hard navigating this world and extremely daunting if I’m honest. Sometimes it makes me not want to navigate this world at all.
I agree, I’ve always felt “different” and as though I don’t really fit in anywhere. I often feel like an actual alien on this planet.
I know being autistic is learning what works for you and managing social interactions mindfully, which in time I’ll get the hang of but it is so difficult to get neurotypical people to understand my needs e.g. telling a friend that I only want to hang out for a few hours and even then worrying that’s not long enough and if I really wanted to be their friend I would push through the discomfort. A friend before has said that “you’ll manage” (paraphrased) when talking about going somewhere when in actual fact it was awful for me! It’s so difficult because I don’t want to lose the 1/2 friends I currently have but I also don’t want to keep doing things that aren’t right for me.
I enjoy my plants and love nature/animals. I also do Pilates frequently which is soothing in its own way.
My interests are quite limited.
