Indifferent and awkward half siblings

[Frostee]

I have three half siblings, with around a 11-14 year age gap.

Unfortunately, I don’t trust these half siblings and am always on guard when around them. I am of course pleasant with them.

This is due to things that they have done in the past to my mother (for ex, locking the door on her and not letting her in to the house when I was younger, trying to smash down the door to beat her up because my mum did not invite my half brother's wife to her hen party (I really feel like this ways anger at my father marrying my mum), half sister didn’t let my mum hold her baby, other half sister said to my mum “I want to speak to my Daddy now” when my mum said to her “congratulations on your baby” or calling her names) and the way that they treat me. (I don’t think they like that I defend my mother).

I do not have a close bond with them. I didn’t live with them for the first few years and on from that they moved out when I was around 8/9. (I think they wanted to get away from my mum and us).

It is a tad narcissistic for me to say this BUT I sometimes feel that they are a bit jealous of me because of their behaviours. They very rarely congratulate me and are always saying things like “sure I did that 10 years ago” when I get an award etc. They also very rarely like my FB posts despite always being online and liking other’s statuses. And they never give me credit for things that I source.

If I do not talk to them they do not talk to me. The one who visits our family home only says hello to me when my mum is around (she also sometimes ignores me when I say something that contradicts what she has said, or even just talking.)This is the same with the half brother.

Sometimes I wonder if they care all that much about me, because of the sheer lack of contact and effort they make.

When they want to know something about me, they will liaise with my parents, rather than directly contacting me. This is hurtful!

They all intimidate me. It is uncomfortable to be in such an environment where you can feel the tension and you are scared to speak incase you are lashed out at.

I just feel like they see me as competition. And I don’t know why.

(Tonight, I shared a photo. My half sister did not comment on it but instead went onto the site that I found it from and liked it there and then shared it. I would say that that is quite indirect and selfish.)

I don’t know why they still behave in this way and why they can’t let their guard down. I am now in their lives 23 years!

Although I don’t trust them I feel that this is all on their end. They are the ones with the animosity towards me. I don’t have anything against them and I would like to let my guard down.

Does anyone else have experience of this and perhaps a possible solution? I don’t like this tension and awkwardness. I don’t know why they still hold this animosity/resentment towards me all these years later.

 

[Mary Terry]

It sounds like you nailed the cause of their animosity as arising from your mother's marriage to their father and your birth thereafter. You "dethroned" them as the sole heirs-apparent and recipients of your father's attention. I doubt it has anything to do with ASD and they would treat any half-sibling born after them like they are treating you.

I don't have personal experience with blended families but understand that tensions like this are common. Ignore them if you can and limit your contact with them. You're not doing anything to earn or deserve their animosity.

 

[Pats]

They sound terrible. I agree with @Mary Terry on everything she said. Doesn't sound like you've done anything to deserve this animosity, and neither has your mom. I'm sure there's a lot of resentment they have toward you and your mother - possibly feeling as if your mother and you stole your father away from them and their mother. Not saying that's the case - they just may feel like that. Doesn't sound like they are ever going to let their resentment go and maybe it would be best you just don't make attempts to contact them. I can't believe they would lock your mom out of the house or try to beat her up. I would definitely be feeling defensive of my mom in those situations - so they would not have liked me at all.

I had to stop talking to or being around a couple of my siblings. Just because it's family does not mean you have to be part of each other's life.

 

[Frostee]

They sound terrible. I agree with @Mary Terry on everything she said. Doesn't sound like you've done anything to deserve this animosity, and neither has your mom. I'm sure there's a lot of resentment they have toward you and your mother - possibly feeling as if your mother and you stole your father away from them and their mother. Not saying that's the case - they just may feel like that. Doesn't sound like they are ever going to let their resentment go and maybe it would be best you just don't make attempts to contact them. I can't believe they would lock your mom out of the house or try to beat her up. I would definitely be feeling defensive of my mom in those situations - so they would not have liked me at all.

I had to stop talking to or being around a couple of my siblings. Just because it's family does not mean you have to be part of each other's life.

I don't understand it all. They are now approaching 40 years of age, so they should be beyond this now.I don't know why they are indifferent to me - either.

Why would a grown adult, approaching Middle Age still hold all this resentment?

 

[Pats]

I don't understand it all. They are now approaching 40 years of age, so they should be beyond this now.

I don't know why they are indifferent to me - either.

Why would a grown adult, approaching Middle Age still hold all this resentment?

Some people don't mature as the grow up. That's one of the reasons you need to give up on them. If they haven't grown up by now they are not going to.

 

[Frostee]

There must be a reason for holding on to these deep rooted views.

 

[Mia]

There must be a reason for holding on to these deep rooted views.

They may blame your Mother for breaking up their parents marriage. Even if she did not, the half-siblings likely hoped that their parents would somehow remain together. In essence they blame you and your parent for breaking up their family.

 

[Frostee]

Well, when their mother broke up with her husband they were all in her house moving his stuff out the next day. They could not wait to get rid of him.

I think you are right, they would love it if my father could marry their mother again. Their mother and father are both so alive, so why act like their lives are over just because they are not together? Their parents could be dead!

I just wonder why they hold on to such a large amount of resentment at their ages. My father is obviously not going to marry their mother now.

 

[tlc]

Some people don't mature as the grow up. That's one of the reasons you need to give up on them. If they haven't grown up by now they are not going to.

Some people are just that way. I see a lot of that in my dad's family, and he is one of 8 full siblings, not half. One brother won't talk to the oldest one for something like 25 years ago, over creative and financial differences back when they played in the little local band. I would have thought he would have at least set the grudge aside when the oldest brother's wife just died (had been with her for like 45 years, was also a bandmate), but nope. Nor did he have anything to do with the rest of the family when his/their mom just died last month. All the rest of them at least put aside their grudges for that.