I'm tired of people telling me how my autism affects me!

[Amelia]

No some people don't have a choice to be autistic! It's not fair that some people think because I am high functioning that I shouldn't struggle like I do, people constantly trying to catch me out, "you sound like you understand" good I've had 26 years of no help to perfect and cover up that problem nice to think you feel I should be able to cope better than I do... Also nice to hear how people feel I am very cleaver and normal, sometimes apparently I seem so normal in fact that when I tell people how autism does affect me apparently I am just using it as an excuse! Stop picking at every little mistake I make, NT people screw up and that's fine coz it's a mistake, I make one and apparently I could help it? Who's the one with a condition again that isn't a choice and has no real treatment or cure? Like what some people fail to realise is no matter how good I have got at covering autism up, it's still there and is always going to bet here!. At the end of the day autism is part of who I am and no matter what anyone says not one person who is NT would be able to cope with this for a day... It's not nice, no one would choose to struggle in life this much, if I had a choice I wouldn't be autistic, so if you don't mind I don't want to here your opinion on my condition... And I don't want to know how much you think I am normal and you think I can do this and that, that I can do things I can! You have no idea how much struggle and effort and thinking and learning I've had to do to get to this point, living to try and fit in instead of being allowed to be happy as my self like everyone else.... This is for all those ignorant people who keep ruin my life which is already in ruins..... What more do you want from me? I have nothing else to give.

 

[o2tosin]

Yes, people greet your struggle with invalidation. People are in essence being cruel as in e.g. making a homosexual person partner with their opposite sex (against their natural orientation). Normal is not easy, it is a struggle. I know if I act NT (and this requires conscious effort), people react completely different to me as when I act and speak as I like. The older I get, the quieter I get, Self compassion and self care are active processes which help me through my day.

 

[Amelia]

I'm gala you have a way to keep your self happy, wish I did too x

 

[Nitro]

Many of us on the spectrum choose self-employment to avoid having to deal with what others consider normal parts of life. If you control your own destiny,the only person you have to answer to is yourself. I exploited my autism without knowing what I had accomplished. My coping mechanisms were learned over time as I put on my NT mask and proceeded to conquer my world by out-thinking theirs. To me, a lame supervisor is a useless one and should be removed from their position for disrupting a working atmosphere no matter how the brain was wired on a person. Happy employees are better employees...I once held a management position at a corporation that had a delivery issue due to time constraints...I assembled my full crew to work on a national holiday by offering them triple time pay for ten hours of work...I needed 10 workers for the shift,I got all 22...My reasoning for my ability to do that was because I treated each employee as family and was always fair to them. To berate any human is unfair for any reason and breeds contempt which hinders productivity...if the worker repeatedly makes the same mistake,it is either because it was not explained properly or maybe that individual was not fit for that task to begin with. In management,often mistakes are made by hiring credentials instead of experience.

Starting your own business can be very rewarding but time-consuming as well...are you willing to work 80 hours a week to not suffer thru 40?

Business is generally conducted as business only,so you will not have to rely on people skills to become a success if your work speaks for itself.

 

[Nitro]

In fact,I have business associates I phone who I would not recognize if I saw them in person...

 

[Amelia]

I meant my family and public too x

 

[Amelia]

Even "friends"

 

[Nitro]

Your own family may never get you...you will learn to work with people... if they are true friends,they will like you as you are and you shouldn't ever have to have reasons...you no doubt are having a struggle now,but as time passes you will learn to compensate for your surroundings. Explaining it does not give you excuses for why you did what you did in their eyes. I would refrain from telling employers and co-workers about your condition,many of them will understand you even less and it will only draw focus towards you.

 

[Nitro]

You may also see many posts at AC about labeling and the damages resulting from trying to make autism a one size fits all diagnosis...Autism is a subjective diagnosis...the DSM appears to be a guide to determine how money is spent to me,not a true diagnostic manual for problems... DSM 5 cast away Asperger's and labelled it as high function autism...I am not even sure where I would be categorized according to it...but then again,I really don't care...my opinion of most psychs is the there are too many quacks in their ranks amongst any that are actually good...those are the same people who wrote the DSM

 

[Amelia]

Things may be looking up

 

[icesyckel]

It's not fair that some people think because I am high functioning that I shouldn't struggle like I do, people constantly trying to catch me out, "you sound like you understand" good I've had 26 years of no help to perfect and cover up that problem nice to think you feel I should be able to cope better than I do...

I have this issue. People who don't live or work with me day in and day out are easily fooled into thinking I am "normal" but "just really smart." They only buy this because I consciously work to convey that image in order to make my life and social interactions easier. While it requires work to seem normal, it is less difficult for me than just being myself and constantly having to explain what I "really" meant and why I am so "different."

This is why I only tell people who really need to know - meaning those people who are around me for long periods of time at home or work. That involves immediate family, my secretary, and my supervisor. I am around them so much that I can't always fool them - even then, they don't want to accept it at first (b/c they don't really know what AS/ASD is and presume it means I am mentally ill or even dangerous). Anyone else, though, I just let go on thinking I am a relatively normal if introverted guy.

Normal is not easy, it is a struggle. I know if I act NT (and this requires conscious effort), people react completely different to me as when I act and speak as I like. The older I get, the quieter I get, Self compassion and self care are active processes which help me through my day.

This is precisely right - acting normal requires effort, but it is better than being ridiculed or just treated differently. I only tell people about my AS/ASD if it will benefit me in some way or the person can be trusted to "get it." Most people can't, and so it is far easier to just "dupe" them into thinking I am normal.

 

[Amelia]

O2tosin you remind me so much of Sheldon from the Big Bang theory I love him coz he's funny and reminds me of me in some ways lol x