I’m becoming a bad person?

[LookingForTheSummer]

I feel like I’m beginning to hate neurotypicals. I can’t get myself to feel the same empathy that I did. They have been so awful all these years. Few days ago it was implied I was narcissistic (hugely insulting) because they didn’t like something I said. No matter what I say someone will react. Someone always has a problem with me. I had to quit jobs because one or more will bully and cause trouble. Yet they pride themselves on being the best humans. Soo empathic and inclusive. To me 95% or so are just bad people. It’s to the point now where if they hurt my feelings I wish death upon them in my mind. Like real graphic stuff. I was never like this before. As a kid I was super empathic and trusting. Any advice? How can I thrive in a world like this? Regular therapy hasn’t worked because they don’t understand Aspergers.
I also hate where I live, but I can’t move as of now for several reasons.

(Just to be clear, I would never actually kill anyone or anything. But my god, the hatred is there)

 

[Jordy]

People are just not good to each other.

 

[Callistemon]

Stress about stuff like this can just build up and up and it sounds like your barrel is overflowing. The human brain takes more notice of negative things than positive and apparently it takes three good interactions with people to neutralise one bad one, so having people with whom you can have good interactions is really important to emotional wellbeing. Of course, it can be very difficult if you're in a situation where that isn't happening. It may take some time to find people with whom your interactions can be consistently positive.

And the more negative interactions we have, the more horrible we feel and the more raw we get, and perversely this can then predispose us to getting additional negative reactions.

People around here are pretty good and understanding - does interacting here help you feel better?

You're human and therefore have a need for positive social connection. Not to have that is like not having enough food, it's miserable.

I hope things get better for you soon.

 

[Gerald Wilgus]

I feel for you. I despaired at making a connection for a relationship and thought that I was going towards what you are feeling. Then at my lowest I studied social communication like an anthropologist and practiced it in activities groups I belonged to. Three years later the love of hiking led me to meet my spouse. Overcoming my social deficiencies still amazes me, and realizing that has let me heal. We have been together for 44 years.

 

[Aspychata]

There are not nice people. Where l live now, there are huge cliques of people that bully others. Is it survival, is it the downfall of civilization? Really hard to figure out. As l have aged, l do distrust much. Some of it is personal stories from woman who have told me of horrible divorces, and other woman who will never remarry. But it's pointless to be upset. More importantly, take care of yourself.

I have finally accepted l can't trust people to be there for me. It's scary that people- men and woman will walk over you simply for hard cold cash or because they have been instructed to do as such. I have ended up in court and listen to a male completely lie about me to a judge. Luckly his story didn't jive and the charge was dropped. But what a shock. That really opened my eyes. Now when men lie it doesn't shock me anymore. Lol.

 

[MyLifeAsAnAspie]

I had this book on assertive communication and it sounds like what you need. You can learn how to respond to attacks in a straight forward, non-aggressive style.

 

[Mister Anonymity]

First off, I acknowledge what you are feeling. I won't trivialize your feelings by telling you to think more positively. There is no way you can think positively. You have to be a realist. People are no good. This is a high octane world, and people eat each other. Their morality is a dime store replica that can easily be thrown out.

The best thing you can do is get a hobby and isolate yourself. Learn a skill that doesn't require socializing. The more you live in the city, the more hell it will be for you.
I hate humans as well. 95% of people being bad seems accurate. My mother often tells me not to generalize, but it is the truth. People are no good. They have lousy personalities. They are all fake and disordered under the superficial appearance of perfection. I never understood why God created humans. Clearly, we are a joke as a species. It doesn't help that we institutionalize the undesirables through certain heteronormative discourses like class codes, racial discrimination, and sexism. We dehumanize each other, and yet, people quote scripture in order to restore our faith in humanity. It's all no good. God didn't do this to us. We do. We are a joke. Civilization is a joke and social farce.

I hear what you are saying. Neurotypicals treats us like crap because we are different. They have no place for us in society. We are broken toys that they throw away in the dust bin.

 

[Luca]

I hate to admit that I think most people are pretty mean and untrustworthy, but I do
This forum is the only place I’ve ever been treated nicely by pretty much everyone.

Edit: this was too negative. Sorry

 

[Jeff T]

I feel like I’m beginning to hate neurotypicals. I can’t get myself to feel the same empathy that I did. They have been so awful all these years. Few days ago it was implied I was narcissistic (hugely insulting) because they didn’t like something I said. No matter what I say someone will react.
I also hate where I live, but I can’t move as of now for several reasons.

(Just to be clear, I would never actually kill anyone or anything. But my god, the hatred is there)

The person calling you a narcissist was calling you a hurtful name. It happened to me once and it really stung. It seems to be The Word of the Decade- a way someone can trivialize, demonize, and put an entire person in a box with a label on it.
It seems that most people are narcissistic to some degree; a sliding scale of more or less.
It's how people promote themselves in society, to get to the top of the pile with the most toys.
Hope you get feeling better. Do you like animals? I find horses and dogs to be wonderful therapists. Cats are good for apartments.

 

[SusanLR]

Society is so fake and shallow, yet try to act all caring and self righteous most of the time.
Other times they are just angry and seem to like being mean to others.

I've just learned to ignore them as much as possible and build an invisible wall around me.
Animals love without prejudice.

 

[Ayy]

I'm new so forgive me if I make a mistake here. Do you find yourself anticipating and tailoring your communication to combat other peoples misunderstandings before they've even happened? I ask because I do and the stress of that adds to my frustration and self hatred when things still go wrong. Maybe that is contributing to the sense of frustration and is being felt as undue cruelty even though you are trying?

 

[Ayy]

Narcissism is a commonly thrown about word for "you didn't think about me" and often the biggest narcissists, although the term is abused to the point of uselessness, are the ones that levy it lightly against others

 

[LookingForTheSummer]

Thank you for acknowledging.. was my first time posting. I know the entire post wasn’t exactly uplifting, but it’s true. I do meditation exercises and it does have an effect, but sometimes «life» takes over. I also have hobbies, yes. Two friends, although we don’t meet that often.

 

[LookingForTheSummer]

There are not nice people. Where l live now, there are huge cliques of people that bully others. Is it survival, is it the downfall of civilization? Really hard to figure out. As l have aged, l do distrust much. Some of it is personal stories from woman who have told me of horrible divorces, and other woman who will never remarry. But it's pointless to be upset. More importantly, take care of yourself.

I have finally accepted l can't trust people to be there for me. It's scary that people- men and woman will walk over you simply for hard cold cash or because they have been instructed to do as such. I have ended up in court and listen to a male completely lie about me to a judge. Luckly his story didn't jive and the charge was dropped. But what a shock. That really opened my eyes. Now when men lie it doesn't shock me anymore. Lol.

I checked the book out, but I don’t think I have a problem saying no. But thanks 4 the tip

 

[Ayy]

I also think even though it is a very unfortunate experience, one of many, it was in fact just a misunderstanding and subsequent reaction. If you hold frustration and hatred for them then that'll make life hell as you are outnumbered. Instead focus on writing exactly what happened down as best as you remember in the most detail you can then look at it as though someone else had the exchange and analyse why it happened without judgement and with dispassionate voice. Only use facts and words that have no emotional connotations in your simple but decisive rewritten summary. It helps me to do that some times when I get overwhelmed