Hi,
I don't see him as different or much less strange on the contrary. I think we have a lot in common. I have learned to have "relations and interactions" by mimicking what I have seen. I seek to learn how to "properly" react in social situations. I personally feel very awkward socially and always thought it was something people have to learn from others but currently don't know. Anyway, enough about me for now.
What I am here for is this gentleman. I will go back a little. I have always wondered and asked a few others "how do you know if you are in love or how do you know when you are in love?" Finally a psychologist told me "Obviously, you have never been in love regards of whatever number of relationships or marriages you have had because when you are in love or are falling in love you will just know it." So, I didn't think much about that until now.
So back to this gentlemen. I'm in my late forties and he is in his late sixties. Which I don't care about age differences as I care about the person and what we can experience with each other. He also doesn't look in his sixties. I love a deep voice. Check he has that. He sparked the flame just to be clear. I worked for him and I was interested in work alone. Getting into a relationship was far from my mind and I had all this plans until one day when he asked me for a hug and then a kiss. I have him the hug and the kiss I now regret not giving him one. Because remember I was not looking for a relationship and his request caught me by surprise. This is a person who I've only seen him smile when he talks about his dog Sandy. Which is the only dog he has owned as a puppy (that he shared and that is why he rationalizes that is the reason he adores her). He shows no emotion with people just when he talks about Sandy.
So going back again. I worked for him on three different occasions before "That Day". He is highly educated a doctor. I currently have a masters but am working my way to earning a Phd. My writing is not my forte as you can see. Anyway, on that day he asked me I don't recall what it was small talk and then I said may I ask you something as a man what is your perspective on this text. It was a text I got from a former coworker saying some sentences insinuating there were some men out there when he was recommending restaurants and I was baffled as why was this guy was texting me that. As I have said before I am socially awkward. So, this gentlemen listened very attentively and gave me a response which I can't recall exactly what he said but part was "he is lonely, I am lonely and you are lonely." I didn't think much about that at that moment (yeah, I'm a slow processor sometimes specially when it comes with relationships and social things.) Well, later we are both working and he asks me something like "What would you do if I ask you for a hug?" I quickly responded I would give you a hug and we hugged. I don't recall who let go first. But that started a flame for me. As I always want hugs and ask for hugs and people in my life have made it seem as a burden to hug. I spontaneously but let me clarify if we are at home and we see each other I will ask for a hug and not like every day or several times a day. I say continuously meaning I am the one who asks mostly for the hugs other wise I won't get hugs. Anyway, back to The Day. He also commented "don't be so hard on yourself you are a very attractive woman." He said that because my response to the "lonely..." comment he made was I don't want to be with anyone I am focused on my things trying to start a new life and I can't imagine having intimacy with anyone with the shape I'm currently in. He went on to say I would be intimate with someone again. (I've been separated for a years and going through a divorce. Sorry, I should have clarified my current status early on. I will be divorced in two weeks form today back then I had not filed the divorce.) Back to The Day. So later he asked me "what would you do if I ask you for a kiss?" That is my biggest regret that is my response. I have a very dry humor so I said Doc first you give me great advice and then you ask me this? But it was it caught me off guard and I think I gave response because I'm socially awkward, it surprised me and I don't kiss when first asked. I don't know I'm old fashioned or I don't know I just don't kiss every men when they first ask.
So that was Sunday before Valentine's day. On Valentine's I texted him Good morning, Just want to wish you and pretty girl Sandy a Happy Valentine's Day!" and I sent a clipart pic of the dog, a clipart of virtual hugs and an actual pic of his dog which I took on that Sunday. So no reply that day 14th of Feb. But then he texted me on the 15th "Ruth, I feel after careful consideration that we need to part ways. Just not a good match. Best of luck to you."
I replied apologizing if I had disrespected him in any way, that I was just wishing him a happy v-day. That is nice working with him and meeting his dog too. Wished him the best.
I got no reply from him.
A month later text him thanking him for giving me the best advice ever and informing him I'll be divorced in 90 days and I was going to take his advice and pray for closure on those vows. That no one had ever asked me for a hug and wishing him a Sandy a great weekend.
Again no reply.
Then last weekend making it like a month and a half from my last text to him. He calls me out of the blue but he wanted me to work that day. I explained I was unable since I was moving from apartment at that moment and it would probably take all day but I was available to work the next day. So he later that same day he texted me " I hope your new home is a happy place for you. As it turns out, I won't be needing you tomorrow as certain things changed differently than I expected. But thank you for being willing. Perhaps things may open for us to chat about all if this a little later. For now, unpack and decorate your home to make it feel like a home. Best of everything, Dr. G"
I texted him back I was looking forward to seeing etc. Mistake because I followed with a text expressing that I like him very much. How The Day had shifted things and I was doing things out of my comfort zone such expressing my emotions and how I started a bucket list and was checking off things the list, and shared a few more items such as now exercising, in a few days running a 5k, and other positive things. I also told him how grateful I was because that was after The Day. I didn't call it that with him.
So, the point is... I like this gentlemen. I am so attracted to him by his intelligence, his voice, his honesty, and I can go on and on. I would love to be embraced by him again, oh how I long for his arms to hug me. He sparked more than that on that day. All my senses came alive. I won't be more descriptive as I don't want to be vulgar. But yes, he sparked a flame and caused such a positive shift in my life. I was over him not replying and then that text that sentence in the middle of his text "Perhaps things may open up for us to chat about all if this a little later" made me think there was some interest. Am I misreading it? I am thinking it wasn't a pleasantry that it hinted some interest. I am aware as a previous employer he has to be careful and that this situation could be a conflict of interest. I just want more hugs forget working for him. I don't mind working for him not for the money I know he needs the help. I enjoy the work. I would actually do it for free.
I like him. I'm almost 50. I have a birthday coming up in two weeks. So I tried calling him and left a message apologizing for crossing boundaries. I texted him I was open if he changed his mind and if he wanted the kiss I was open to that too. That I wouldn't text him or call him anymore but will be willing to respond if he reaches out to me.
I now realize it seemed weird me texting and calling. I rationalize it as I felt somethings and appreciated him and like him so I thought it worth of trying and not giving up so soon and hoping we could talk and clarify things or give us a chance to know each other or spend some time. Also, I texted him "you mentioned being lonely and me being lonely, don't let me be lonely on my bday two weeks from today."
I can't get him out of my mind. I keep thinking what if I messed things up and freaked him out with my quick responses and unthoughtful responses. I was probably too spontaneous. I tend to put my foot in my mouth and be too blunt and crude some might think. That makes me socially weird at times. I just value being honest and transparent but some people don't like that. I'm working on it but obviously with the aforementioned I'm a work in process. I've had failed relationships and he has too. He told me that Day "I am not good with relationships." Now I think I am not good with relationships either. Also, maybe those past relationships were trial runs to prepare us for this relationship to work out and give us some background to what works and what doesn't.
Please advice?
Okay so that is why I am here. That throws me for a spin. I made me think he was again interested or something might be there.
I don't see him as different or much less strange on the contrary. I think we have a lot in common. I have learned to have "relations and interactions" by mimicking what I have seen. I seek to learn how to "properly" react in social situations. I personally feel very awkward socially and always thought it was something people have to learn from others but currently don't know. Anyway, enough about me for now.
What I am here for is this gentleman. I will go back a little. I have always wondered and asked a few others "how do you know if you are in love or how do you know when you are in love?" Finally a psychologist told me "Obviously, you have never been in love regards of whatever number of relationships or marriages you have had because when you are in love or are falling in love you will just know it." So, I didn't think much about that until now.
So back to this gentlemen. I'm in my late forties and he is in his late sixties. Which I don't care about age differences as I care about the person and what we can experience with each other. He also doesn't look in his sixties. I love a deep voice. Check he has that. He sparked the flame just to be clear. I worked for him and I was interested in work alone. Getting into a relationship was far from my mind and I had all this plans until one day when he asked me for a hug and then a kiss. I have him the hug and the kiss I now regret not giving him one. Because remember I was not looking for a relationship and his request caught me by surprise. This is a person who I've only seen him smile when he talks about his dog Sandy. Which is the only dog he has owned as a puppy (that he shared and that is why he rationalizes that is the reason he adores her). He shows no emotion with people just when he talks about Sandy.
So going back again. I worked for him on three different occasions before "That Day". He is highly educated a doctor. I currently have a masters but am working my way to earning a Phd. My writing is not my forte as you can see. Anyway, on that day he asked me I don't recall what it was small talk and then I said may I ask you something as a man what is your perspective on this text. It was a text I got from a former coworker saying some sentences insinuating there were some men out there when he was recommending restaurants and I was baffled as why was this guy was texting me that. As I have said before I am socially awkward. So, this gentlemen listened very attentively and gave me a response which I can't recall exactly what he said but part was "he is lonely, I am lonely and you are lonely." I didn't think much about that at that moment (yeah, I'm a slow processor sometimes specially when it comes with relationships and social things.) Well, later we are both working and he asks me something like "What would you do if I ask you for a hug?" I quickly responded I would give you a hug and we hugged. I don't recall who let go first. But that started a flame for me. As I always want hugs and ask for hugs and people in my life have made it seem as a burden to hug. I spontaneously but let me clarify if we are at home and we see each other I will ask for a hug and not like every day or several times a day. I say continuously meaning I am the one who asks mostly for the hugs other wise I won't get hugs. Anyway, back to The Day. He also commented "don't be so hard on yourself you are a very attractive woman." He said that because my response to the "lonely..." comment he made was I don't want to be with anyone I am focused on my things trying to start a new life and I can't imagine having intimacy with anyone with the shape I'm currently in. He went on to say I would be intimate with someone again. (I've been separated for a years and going through a divorce. Sorry, I should have clarified my current status early on. I will be divorced in two weeks form today back then I had not filed the divorce.) Back to The Day. So later he asked me "what would you do if I ask you for a kiss?" That is my biggest regret that is my response. I have a very dry humor so I said Doc first you give me great advice and then you ask me this? But it was it caught me off guard and I think I gave response because I'm socially awkward, it surprised me and I don't kiss when first asked. I don't know I'm old fashioned or I don't know I just don't kiss every men when they first ask.
So that was Sunday before Valentine's day. On Valentine's I texted him Good morning, Just want to wish you and pretty girl Sandy a Happy Valentine's Day!" and I sent a clipart pic of the dog, a clipart of virtual hugs and an actual pic of his dog which I took on that Sunday. So no reply that day 14th of Feb. But then he texted me on the 15th "Ruth, I feel after careful consideration that we need to part ways. Just not a good match. Best of luck to you."
I replied apologizing if I had disrespected him in any way, that I was just wishing him a happy v-day. That is nice working with him and meeting his dog too. Wished him the best.
I got no reply from him.
A month later text him thanking him for giving me the best advice ever and informing him I'll be divorced in 90 days and I was going to take his advice and pray for closure on those vows. That no one had ever asked me for a hug and wishing him a Sandy a great weekend.
Again no reply.
Then last weekend making it like a month and a half from my last text to him. He calls me out of the blue but he wanted me to work that day. I explained I was unable since I was moving from apartment at that moment and it would probably take all day but I was available to work the next day. So he later that same day he texted me " I hope your new home is a happy place for you. As it turns out, I won't be needing you tomorrow as certain things changed differently than I expected. But thank you for being willing. Perhaps things may open for us to chat about all if this a little later. For now, unpack and decorate your home to make it feel like a home. Best of everything, Dr. G"
I texted him back I was looking forward to seeing etc. Mistake because I followed with a text expressing that I like him very much. How The Day had shifted things and I was doing things out of my comfort zone such expressing my emotions and how I started a bucket list and was checking off things the list, and shared a few more items such as now exercising, in a few days running a 5k, and other positive things. I also told him how grateful I was because that was after The Day. I didn't call it that with him.
So, the point is... I like this gentlemen. I am so attracted to him by his intelligence, his voice, his honesty, and I can go on and on. I would love to be embraced by him again, oh how I long for his arms to hug me. He sparked more than that on that day. All my senses came alive. I won't be more descriptive as I don't want to be vulgar. But yes, he sparked a flame and caused such a positive shift in my life. I was over him not replying and then that text that sentence in the middle of his text "Perhaps things may open up for us to chat about all if this a little later" made me think there was some interest. Am I misreading it? I am thinking it wasn't a pleasantry that it hinted some interest. I am aware as a previous employer he has to be careful and that this situation could be a conflict of interest. I just want more hugs forget working for him. I don't mind working for him not for the money I know he needs the help. I enjoy the work. I would actually do it for free.
I like him. I'm almost 50. I have a birthday coming up in two weeks. So I tried calling him and left a message apologizing for crossing boundaries. I texted him I was open if he changed his mind and if he wanted the kiss I was open to that too. That I wouldn't text him or call him anymore but will be willing to respond if he reaches out to me.
I now realize it seemed weird me texting and calling. I rationalize it as I felt somethings and appreciated him and like him so I thought it worth of trying and not giving up so soon and hoping we could talk and clarify things or give us a chance to know each other or spend some time. Also, I texted him "you mentioned being lonely and me being lonely, don't let me be lonely on my bday two weeks from today."
I can't get him out of my mind. I keep thinking what if I messed things up and freaked him out with my quick responses and unthoughtful responses. I was probably too spontaneous. I tend to put my foot in my mouth and be too blunt and crude some might think. That makes me socially weird at times. I just value being honest and transparent but some people don't like that. I'm working on it but obviously with the aforementioned I'm a work in process. I've had failed relationships and he has too. He told me that Day "I am not good with relationships." Now I think I am not good with relationships either. Also, maybe those past relationships were trial runs to prepare us for this relationship to work out and give us some background to what works and what doesn't.
Please advice?
Okay so that is why I am here. That throws me for a spin. I made me think he was again interested or something might be there.
