I tried making a friend

[RandomBogy]

I haven't had a friend since high school and I wasn't the best at it. He would want to hang out but I would never have the energy to do anything and before I knew it he stopped talking to me so ive been scared of making friends. My girlfriend has encouraged me to at least try so today at work I decided to give it a go on a rulger who I think is in the same age group as me. He walks in I let him do his thing and once he's finished and comes up to the cashier I ask him if he still works at the same place I see him at he replies with yes... I couldn't think of anything else my mind went blank, I panicked and just said the total to let him leave. Im not scared of talking that's part of my job at a local bakery im use to conversations with customers I was just shocked how bad I was at it when I was actually trying.(；′⌒`)

 

[Jumpinbare]

What's a rulger? Google doesn't seem to know.

 

[Tired]

What's a rulger? Google doesn't seem to know.

He probably meant "regular".

 

[Masked Man]

I haven't had a friend since high school and I wasn't the best at it. He would want to hang out but I would never have the energy to do anything and before I knew it he stopped talking to me so ive been scared of making friends.

You don't have to be scared, you just have to show interest in other people. Your friend from high school stopped contacting you probably because he interpreted your lack of hanging out as lack of interest. If you keep blowing people off eventually they will leave. No one wants to be part of a one-sided relationship.

I actually think it would be hard to be friends with customers. They are there to get coffee (or whatever they are there for), but you can still show interest. You can smile, make eye contact, ask things like how's your day going? If they reciprocate, great! if they don't, no worries, maybe they are just having a bad day. But do that with everyone, you'd be surprised at how a lot of people warm up to you over time, especially if they see you every day and you actually remember them and something you told them.

 

[tree]

The title of this thread makes me think of the story
I read where two characters are talking about making
friends and one asks the other if their mom would
make a friend for them, if they gave her the yarn.

Joking with each other.
Not talking about making a toy.
Joking by being literal with the phrase "make a friend."

 

[RandomBogy]

He probably meant "regular".

Thanks for the help

 

[Xinyta]

My girlfriend has encouraged me to at least try so today at work I decided to give it a go on a rulger who I think is in the same age group as me. He walks in I let him do his thing and once he's finished and comes up to the cashier I ask him if he still works at the same place I see him at he replies with yes... I couldn't think of anything else my mind went blank, I panicked and just said the total to let him leave. Im not scared of talking that's part of my job at a local bakery im use to conversations with customers I was just shocked how bad I was at it when I was actually trying.

Firstly. Don't let this first attempt discourage you. The fact you tried to make a friend, is a HUGE first step. Even one simple question shows you have interest in them outside 'just another customer'.

General conversation as part of your job is simpler, due to it being structured responses. There is definitely a comfortability about it. But self-doubt is the biggest enemy. To break from it can be hard. But the best way to do it is to do it. Don't think about. Don't focus on the potential failure. Just say what you feel you need to say. The rest will happen on it's own.

 

[velociraptor]

I haven't had a friend since high school and I wasn't the best at it. He would want to hang out but I would never have the energy to do anything and before I knew it he stopped talking to me so ive been scared of making friends. My girlfriend has encouraged me to at least try so today at work I decided to give it a go on a rulger who I think is in the same age group as me. He walks in I let him do his thing and once he's finished and comes up to the cashier I ask him if he still works at the same place I see him at he replies with yes... I couldn't think of anything else my mind went blank, I panicked and just said the total to let him leave. Im not scared of talking that's part of my job at a local bakery im use to conversations with customers I was just shocked how bad I was at it when I was actually trying.(；′⌒`)

I've said it before here and I'll say it again. I'm lousy about intentionally making friends. I go somewhere with the intention of meeting new friends and I fall on my face. Soooo so hard. However... If I go hang out with a bunch of people who share my interests to do something we enjoy together, I'll come home with at least two new contacts after and some of them turn into friends. Good ones. Just go do the things you like with some strangers and see what happens.

 

[the_tortoise]

A thought: Making friends is a process that takes varying amounts of time when it happens. Friendships usually are built over time, have a foundation of many many interactions.

One interaction that goes a bit sideways or where you find yourself lost for words, confused,or whatever else doesn't usually make or break any possibility of future friendship.

 

[Jumpinbare]

The title of this thread makes me think of the story
I read where two characters are talking about making
friends and one asks the other if their mom would
make a friend for them, if they gave her the yarn.

Joking with each other.
Not talking about making a toy.
Joking by being literal with the phrase "make a friend."