I thought I was "normal". My life has unraveled since my mid 20s.

[pelecanus87]

For some, the realizations may have come much earlier in life. It wasn't like this for me at all.

I built up a lot of hopes and expectations on the assumption that I was "normal". I got a diagnosis at 25. I've had a lot of failure and disappointment in my 20s. It's hard to explain exactly why, but I was able to "hide" my deficiencies for many years. I think ego is a very powerful force, and all the failure has been very hard on my ego. I almost wish that I realized how profoundly different I was when I was younger so that I wouldn't have to experience this awful blow to my ego at this stage in my life.

I remember a guy who used to sing at the church I attended when I was younger. He looked to be in his mid 30s. I would also see him pushing carts and bagging groceries at my local food mart. I didn't have any sort of genuine contempt for the man, but he seemed more or less like a "loser" to me (for lack of a better term). Now, I may be in the same position as he was.

I might not be capable of anything satisfying. And I just can't accept it. I wonder how many humans really CAN accept this.

 

[Jimbo]

I can totally relate. My career dreams slowly fell through when I was younger. I was a volunteer firefighter and had high hopes of making it a career but that fell through. Then I went to school for heating and air repair and got fired from the highest paying company in my area. I finally figured out that self employment was the only way I was going to make it so I went into the chimney cleaning business and then switched over to carpet cleaning. Not to brag but I have been able to provide a good living for my family this way.

But yea, I can understand things unravelling. You just need to be realistic with yourself about your abilities and try to not be something you are not. I guarantee you there is something you are good at. It just sometimes takes awhile to figure out what. If you try one thing and fail get back up and try something else. It can be very discouraging but don't let it keep you down. Best to ya!

 

[pelecanus87]

I can totally relate. My career dreams slowly fell through when I was younger. I was a volunteer firefighter and had high hopes of making it a career but that fell through. Then I went to school for heating and air repair and got fired from the highest paying company in my area. I finally figured out that self employment was the only way I was going to make it so I went into the chimney cleaning business and then switched over to carpet cleaning. Not to brag but I have been able to provide a good living for my family this way.

But yea, I can understand things unravelling. You just need to be realistic with yourself about your abilities and try to not be something you are not. I guarantee you there is something you are good at. It just sometimes takes awhile to figure out what. If you try one thing and fail get back up and try something else. It can be very discouraging but don't let it keep you down. Best to ya!

Thanks, your story seems relatable to me. Sorry to bring up maybe a bad time, but what issues were you having at these previous jobs? I'm just feeling like I'm the "only one" with some of the problems I've been having, so I'm trying to hear from people like myself.

Also, the self-employment thing has been pitched to me, but I have always seen entrepreneurial endeavors as beyond me. I also suffer from depression and I have a hard time imaging myself doing this.

 

[Gritches]

Hi, your story sounds a lot like mine. I was diagnosed at 23 and I've had a lot of setbacks in my mid 20's whose effects are going to be felt well into my 30's (some will hang around even longer) and I really don't have any sort of way to make it better. Even a higher wage than I could ever get wouldn't put a dent in my problems.

I should be an anxious mess that even Xanax couldn't solve, and at one time I was. Panic attacks every day, sometimes twice. Dark, black depression that wouldn't go away for anything. Then I developed a comprehensive method to really, truly not give any more damns whatsoever. At the moment, the method is personalized to me specifically; I'm working on generalizing and "packaging" it to become something anyone can learn. I think you're spot-on when it comes to ego. My system requires a complete and utter contempt for your own mortality without becoming suicidal or self-destructive; this includes losing anything resembling pride tied to merit that would fuel an ego. The mechanics of this I am working on. So there's that.

edit: this is stuck in my head all day
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[Judge]

Yeah. It's a humbling revelation for many of us I expect. Where sometimes all you may have to fall back on are some wise words known as the "Serenity Prayer".

"God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, courage to change the things I can, And wisdom to know the difference."

And to know that being "different" doesn't automatically translate into being "deficient".

"Normal" ? That's soooooooooo overrated.

 

[Jimbo]

My biggest problem was not being able to communicate with other people. I have a hard time comprehending what someone is telling me to do. I went to school for HVAC and refrigeration repair and did well in school, but when I got a job and had to go around with another service tech as a helper I didn't know when to jump in and so I guess it was perceived that I didn't know what I was doing. At my third job which was as a Pepsi service tech working on vending machines I was very successful because they basically handed me the keys to a van and a stack of work orders and said "go fix these machines." I actually became a star employee in the service dept.

I am now a very successful carpet and upholstery cleaner. I took a few classes at my local distributor and spent countless hours reading carpet cleaning forums and after 13 years I have a great reputation in the business. As a matter of fact I have too much work. I attribute this success to being an aspie with a touch of OCD. A little perfectionism is a good thing in this business.

 

[pelecanus87]

My biggest problem was not being able to communicate with other people. I have a hard time comprehending what someone is telling me to do. I went to school for HVAC and refrigeration repair and did well in school, but when I got a job and had to go around with another service tech as a helper I didn't know when to jump in and so I guess it was perceived that I didn't know what I was doing. At my third job which was as a Pepsi service tech working on vending machines I was very successful because they basically handed me the keys to a van and a stack of work orders and said "go fix these machines." I actually became a star employee in the service dept.

I am now a very successful carpet and upholstery cleaner. I took a few classes at my local distributor and spent countless hours reading carpet cleaning forums and after 13 years I have a great reputation in the business. As a matter of fact I have too much work. I attribute this success to being an aspie with a touch of OCD. A little perfectionism is a good thing in this business.

See...you actually sound like you have a knack for mechanics. I don't have really have a knack that I know of. It sounds like you were just misunderstood. I'm actually incompetent in many cases. Oh well.

 

[Kevin L.]

I wish I could offer something constructive, but I don't know.

Many of your issues and concerns mirror mine. I have been fired from jobs because I follow rules and policies rather than the reverse, and I always feel trapped in a double-bind situation where I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

I just got suspended today from work because of autism issues and my tendency to follow the rules...come monday, I'll see if I have a job.

It's an old story with me.

 

[Fridgemagnetman]

I wish I could offer something constructive, but I don't know.

Many of your issues and concerns mirror mine. I have been fired from jobs because I follow rules and policies rather than the reverse, and I always feel trapped in a double-bind situation where I'm damned if I do, and damned if I don't.

I just got suspended today from work because of autism issues and my tendency to follow the rules...come monday, I'll see if I have a job.

It's an old story with me.

yeh the rules aren't the 'real rules' give yourself permission to follow the 'real rules'

Let me know when you find out what they are

 

[Kevin L.]

Thank you for answering.

 

[Full Steam]

I'll try to respond tomorrow, but for now, here's my favourite poem that I turn to when things get hard.

Don't you quit.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will,

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill,
When the funds are low and the debts are high,
And you want to smile, but you have to sigh,
When care is pressing you down a bit-
Rest if you must, but don't you quit.
Life is queer with its twists and turns,

As every one of us sometimes learns,
And many a fellow turns about
When he might have won had he stuck it out.
Don't give up though the pace seems slow -
You may succeed with another blow.
Often the goal is nearer than

It seems to a faint and faltering man;
Often the struggler has given up
Whe he might have captured the victor's cup;
And he learned too late when the night came down,
How close he was to the golden crown.
Success is failure turned inside out -

The silver tint in the clouds of doubt,
And you never can tell how close you are,
It might be near when it seems afar;
So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit -
It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

 

[ksheehan88]

I've never felt "normal"... I've always known there was something about me that set me apart from everyone else, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

Realising I may have Aspergers was almost a relief - finally knowing why I am the way I am, knowing who I am, it all makes so much more sense now.

I hope that with time you will be able to find peace with your diagnosis

 

[pelecanus87]

I've never felt "normal"... I've always known there was something about me that set me apart from everyone else, I just couldn't put my finger on it.

Realising I may have Aspergers was almost a relief - finally knowing why I am the way I am, knowing who I am, it all makes so much more sense now.

I hope that with time you will be able to find peace with your diagnosis

I relate to the experience of never having felt truly "normal" growing up, but without any specific knowledge that I was indeed different, it didn't seem to make sense to for me to internalize a belief that I was fundamentally different.

I experienced "relief" too, in that sense that things weren't "my fault", but I soon enough realized that whether things are "my fault" or not, I'm not going to feel good unless I can achieve what I want to achieve.

 

[NeoPhile]

There's nothing wrong with not being "Normal". What does that mean anyway? Paul Dirac, Nikola Tesla, Charles Darwin, Temple Grandin, and Vernon Smith were or are all people who are not "Normal". It's only in your mind that you're different. You can make first-class contributions to society.

 

[Khendra]

I was diagnosed at 29. I also grew up thinking I was totally normal. It's been a long process trying to sort through how much this thing has affected me. When you're oblivious to social cues, and you fail at stuff others take for granted, it's embarrassing. All the more hard to explain with normal to above average intelligence in some areas. How can one be so extreme. But it is what it is. We have to find ways to cope.