Eruva
Active Member
Hello. So this is my introduction post. I'm a 37 year old female diagnosed with severe social anxiety disorder and major depression and suspect that I may have autism/aspergers.
Though I've had social anxiety my whole life, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 22. Since then, doctors and therapists have told me that when I feel like people are thinking badly of me or responding negatively to me, that it's all in my head. That I should realize that and try to think of a more probable interpretation of events. My perspective about all this was screwed up earlier this year when I was fired from a job for being "rude", which I didn't even know I had been. I feel like perhaps I've been duped all these years, and that my perceptions of people's reactions to me have actually been somewhat accurate. That I am indeed ridiculously awkward, that I do make people uncomfortable, and that because of my lack of social skills, people really do tend to dislike me and think I'm arrogant. So what's wrong with me?
I admit that autism isn't the first thing I've read about and thought, "I think I have that." I've wondered if my irritability might be a symptom of schizotypal personality disorder among other things. The difference though is that usually when I get on Google looking for what's wrong with me, I'm looking for an explanation of a specific problem and I find something that might explain it. Since I've been reading about autism, I've been finding explanations for things I wasn't even looking for. Apparently, I've been stimming all my life (I do this thing with my fingers where I make a popping sound with fabrics), but I never had a word for it. I've always been a "picky eater". Seriously, I can count on my hand the foods I found acceptable as a kid. I read through forum threads and am amazed at how much I identify with people on the spectrum. For so long, I've had a sense that my issues could never be cured with therapy, but are more ingrained than that.
I think a diagnosis might help me understand myself better and perhaps allow me to explore treatment options that would be better for me. It could allow me to stop feeling like my social difficulties are something I should be able to fix. It could provide an explanation for many of my eccentricities. However, I can't help worrying that my parents would be disappointed to discover their daughter had a developmental disorder all this time (why should a 37-year-old still care what her parents think? ugh!).
Anyway, this is me. Hi.
Though I've had social anxiety my whole life, I wasn't diagnosed until I was 22. Since then, doctors and therapists have told me that when I feel like people are thinking badly of me or responding negatively to me, that it's all in my head. That I should realize that and try to think of a more probable interpretation of events. My perspective about all this was screwed up earlier this year when I was fired from a job for being "rude", which I didn't even know I had been. I feel like perhaps I've been duped all these years, and that my perceptions of people's reactions to me have actually been somewhat accurate. That I am indeed ridiculously awkward, that I do make people uncomfortable, and that because of my lack of social skills, people really do tend to dislike me and think I'm arrogant. So what's wrong with me?
I admit that autism isn't the first thing I've read about and thought, "I think I have that." I've wondered if my irritability might be a symptom of schizotypal personality disorder among other things. The difference though is that usually when I get on Google looking for what's wrong with me, I'm looking for an explanation of a specific problem and I find something that might explain it. Since I've been reading about autism, I've been finding explanations for things I wasn't even looking for. Apparently, I've been stimming all my life (I do this thing with my fingers where I make a popping sound with fabrics), but I never had a word for it. I've always been a "picky eater". Seriously, I can count on my hand the foods I found acceptable as a kid. I read through forum threads and am amazed at how much I identify with people on the spectrum. For so long, I've had a sense that my issues could never be cured with therapy, but are more ingrained than that.
I think a diagnosis might help me understand myself better and perhaps allow me to explore treatment options that would be better for me. It could allow me to stop feeling like my social difficulties are something I should be able to fix. It could provide an explanation for many of my eccentricities. However, I can't help worrying that my parents would be disappointed to discover their daughter had a developmental disorder all this time (why should a 37-year-old still care what her parents think? ugh!).
Anyway, this is me. Hi.
