I need some healthy coping mechanisms.

[Metalhead]

As some of you already know, a good friend of mine took his own life a couple of months ago. And it is still hitting me pretty hard.

I am staying awake late at night with racing thoughts, and it is damaging my performance at work because I have been caught dozing at my desk by my boss earlier today. But my boss wants to help me work through this because I told her what was going on.

I will be speaking with my therapist tomorrow afternoon. What can I do in the meanwhile? I am not at risk of harming myself, but I am pissed off that the second I find somebody willing to watch movies with me on a regular basis, this person decides to do something like that.

 

[Outdated]

You need to find an interest that takes your mind off of other things. Something solo perhaps, so that your fun is not dependent on others.

 

[Rodafina]

What can I do in the meanwhile?

You're in a tough situation. Just a few ideas:

When your thoughts start racing, write them down. Even if you are comfy in bed, get your thoughts out of your head and onto paper. Then, you can keep it, rip it up, throw it out, burn it the next day, or make origami out of it.

Before bed, spend some time making an action plan. Instead of focusing on your feelings, for a few minutes take time to list 2 or 3 concrete actions you can take to address some of your troubles. Keep the list small so that it feels attainable and you can focus.

Try listening to something that really catches your interest - a podcast on an intriguing topic that is not directly related to some of your worries. If it's something that really intrigues you, it will keep your mind engaged and give you something to think about after it has ended. I use videos, but at night, I don't watch them, only listen.

Give yourself an allotted time to worry. Suppressing worry altogether can be counterproductive. But, if you give yourself time to worry and fret for 10-15 minutes a day, it can help to free up the rest of the day for focusing on other things. You can talk to your own mind and say, "Okay brain, you've had your time to worry, I hear you, time to do something else now." I know talking to your own brain may not work for everyone, but I do it all the time and it helps.

Just some ideas. They may not work for you, but maybe one of them will.

 

[Jonn]

I am not at risk of harming myself, but I am pissed off that the second I find somebody willing to watch movies with me on a regular basis, this person decides to do something like that.

The loss of a close friend is a horrendous experience.
It is even worse when you don't have an extended support network.
The sense of loss is profound.

My coping methods are as follows:
-Stay off stimulants such as caffeine. They heighten your emotions.
-Engage in distractions, particularly those not related to your friend.
-I like to listen to my favourite music.
-"Laughter is the best medicine." I search out humorous YouTube videos, as an example.
-Exercise can help a lot, but it is difficult to do in a situation like this. I try to walk my K9 kids more, as an example.
-Get enough sleep. Perhaps your doctor can give you a prescription for a mild sedative.

 

[Jonn]

I know talking to your own brain may not work for everyone, but I do it all the time and it helps.

Some therapeutic humour:

Spoiler

That isn't a problem. It becomes one when your brain starts talking back.

 

[Aspychata]

Racing thoughts, for me, l immediately identify them as that. Then l decide if they are valid. For me again, only 1 percent are, and l need to take immediate action, usually financial. Next l pick something to distract me. A cup of tea, nice coffee drink, a hot shower. Finally cleaning. I have no idea why, but cleaning immediately distracts me, and it's off to the races. So perhaps you could find your task that stabilizes and calms you down when you hit the jackpot on -my mind is on fire-.

 

[MNAus]

I have a big problem with racing thoughts generally at night. Since I use melatonin I've found it much easier to keep them at bay enough to get to sleep. It's really helped, but you do still need to resist the urge to dive in to the thoughts and just let them exist at the side of your mind.

 

[Jonn]

but you do still need to resist the urge to dive in to the thoughts and just let them exist at the side of your mind.

I read recently that the best way to handle intrusive thoughts is not to resist them, but to accept them without taking ownership.

BTW:
Most people have intrusive thoughts over time.
However, those who have PTSD or similar are more susceptible.
Well, so says the soft science. lol

Psychology/psychiatry is not a hard science, but it is useful nonetheless, based on my experience.

 

[MNAus]

I read recently that the best way to handle intrusive thoughts is not to resist them, but to accept them without taking ownership.

BTW:
Most people have intrusive thoughts over time.
However, those who have PTSD or similar are more susceptible.
Well, so says the soft science. lol

Psychology/psychiatry is not a hard science, but it is useful nonetheless, based on my experience.

I don't have intrusive thoughts really, I just have thoughts that race. So that sort of acceptance without taking ownership is what I mean. i recognise it's there, I'm not worried per se, but I know that if I go investigate, the pandora's box opens and I'll be constructing mental models, planning, working through options, trade-offs, best courses of action, possible futures, regrets, etc. And being as it's late at night when I'm tired, I drop the stuff that's solved and it comes back again and again.

 

[Metalhead]

Well, playing my Xbox Series X all night last night was probably an unhealthy coping mechanism.

 

[Jonn]

Well, playing my Xbox Series X all night last night was probably an unhealthy coping mechanism.

Not the best but one night isn't going to destroy you.

 

[Metalhead]

Not the best but one night isn't going to destroy you.

I gamed all day yesterday until 10PM, then I tried to sleep in bed all night but I failed to get any rest. Now I am trying to stay awake at my desk.

 

[Jonn]

I gamed all day yesterday until 10PM, then I tried to sleep in bed all night but I failed to get any rest. Now I am trying to stay awake at my desk.

If they are active games, your mind probably keeps on "buzzing" if you have over done it. <shrug>